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Is my married coworker attracted to me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 January 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 January 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Is this guy kind of attracted to me?

He's married, so I would never act on it. He's also not my type--he's too "suave/lady's man" flirts with every girl, etc. You know the type. Anyway, I would nevertheless be flattered if he thought of me that way because I don't feel very attractive. I'm about 15 pounds overweight, even though I've been working hard trying to lose it. In fact, he often gives me diet and exercise tips, which I appreciate, and occassionally (only when it's true,) he'll tell me I look good and he can tell I've lost a few pounds... The other thing is, he's good friends w/ my ex, and I actually wanna get back w/ my ex...which is safer territory because my ex is still single since our breakup and is a better guy.

So I work w/ this guy (again--WOULD NEVER ACT ON THIS FOR SEVERAL REASONS SO DON'T WORRY, I'm genuinely just curious if his behavior indicates an attraction or if I'm reading too much into it like a school girl).

He gave me a compliment on a dress I was wearing one day. I thanked him and said that another girl we work with--one who is a couple years younger and much skinnier and more attractive than me,) had the exact same one. He replied, "See? It's a nice one... you look better in it though." It surprised me he said that for two reasons. 1. He's like a politician, and it's unlike him to pick one coworker over the other in any way. He said it in the lunch room w/ ppl around too, and 2. bc of my size--

I wear a size 8 and all of the popular, young pretty girls in the office are a size 0-4.

On Thursday of this week we got to talking about shows. I was excitd to watch Idol and The Big Bang Theory. He suggested I get into the show Revenge. So Friday, he walked by my desk about 4 times w/out saying anything. My coworker was next to me all day. Then at the end of the day I came out of the bathroom and he happened to be behind me. He said, 'HEY!' so i backed up to talk to him a bit. He said, "I didn't see the show, but I taped it.." and I said, "oh good! so we can talk about it on Monday!"

I just think it's kind of interesting to go home and think of me enough to set his dvr to record a show I recommended...It wouldn't have occurred to me to watch or tape the show he recommended to me...

I'm 26 and currently weigh 160 lbs at my highest :-(

though my weight fluctuates between 153-160.

He's 30 or 31 and an unfaithful husband. His type is like 22, and the smaller the better....

Totally nothing I'd get involved with, but even if he just thinks of me a little I would consider it a great compliment.

View related questions: co-worker, flirt, my ex, overweight, revenge

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A female reader, jonas Singapore +, writes (22 January 2012):

jonas agony auntMy guess is, he knows that you are a bit feeling down after your breakup and perhaps you are feeling somewhat is aware that you are feeling inferior compared to the rest of the gals. Since he knows your ex, he also knows what kinda problems both of you have previously and that you are trying to lose some weight so he is trying to get into your good books and impress you by being nice, in a way flirtatious to you and give you the attention to make you feel good.

I don't mean you should not get any attention at all but something is wrong when he's always zeroing in on you especially when he knows so much about you. Also not forgetting his unfaithful history.

Honestly, it is really not important to ascertain if he is genuinely attracted to you for whatever reasons because it won't work as he is married. Also he is not a faithful and good guy. I'm concerned the more you dwell on this, the more you might read too much into his actions.

Also you seem to be reciprocating some of his good intentions such as when he tells you that he tapes the show for you. In a way, because both of you are colleagues and he is doing it publicly, have you thought about what others would say? Given his background, people might link both of you together and it is not beneficial for you as both of you are working there so it is bound to get awkward and perhaps you end up getting a bad reputation if you continue not to be firm and keep a distance. Tongues will wag. Rumours are contagious.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012):

Regardless if he is or not attracted to you- its a hands off and focus on work to the co worker.

No lunches, no long talks, no goofing. Remain professional.

Your character/reputation and Integrity should matter a great deal to you that even associating with this man should be repellant.

Gossips abound especially in the work place. People have lost jobs due to untrue gossip.

Stop caring and entertaining thoughts and hopes and it would be nice.

It would be stupid.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (21 January 2012):

Denise32 agony auntWhether he is attracted to you or not you know he is married and has been unfaithful to his wife - by the way HOW do you know this? Do you kinow her, or has he told you, or have co-workers mentioned it?

Whatever the case may be, you appear to be thinking about him a fair amount and engaging in conversation with him. Your best bet is to cut WAY back on the chit-chat and just be polite. If he asks why you're being unfriendly just tell him you have work to do (which you do) and are busy. I wouldn't let on that you wonder about his motives, because he would probably deny it and that could be very embarrassing.

As for your ex boyfriend, maybe you would do better to stay away from him too, if this other man is friends with him. More to the point, presumably your relationship ended because there were problems and maybe friction. Unless the issues that caused the breakup in the first place have been resolved, it's not likely to go anywhere.

No, focus on your own goals - a size 8 hardly sounds overweight, but what do I know? So long as you are eating right, exercising and sleeping well, and following activities you enjoy outside of work, you will be just fine.

Remember: a person may not be what is considered "conventionally" pretty or handsome, but one's personality (kind, interested in others, smart, sense of humor,having a life and ideas, principles of her own etc.) can make a person very attractive........

Good luck

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