A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has lied to me in the past about where she was from. At the time, I forgave it as she appeared to be really sincere, and she cried her eyes out after admitting it to me. I felt bad and decided to give her a chance because she really seemed to regret what she had done.But now I'm worried she's lying to me again. She claims to have graduated high school a year early and wants to take the SAT to get into college. She always tells me how much she hated being in high school, and tells me that she never wants to talk about it as she was bullied and therefore isn't comfortable about it. I understood that, and said it was fine. But what really bothers me is how she won't let me help her apply for the SAT even though she's never done it before. She won't even let me look over the form after she's done with it, and wants me out of the room when she fills the form. She says that she wants to take care of her own mess alone as she feels bad for having screwed up her future for the past few years.On the other hand, if she indeed were lying about graduating high school, why would she be so serious about going to college? She can't go if she hasn't graduated. I'm also worried that she was pregnant before she met me. She has huge vertical stretch marks on her belly. She claims that they're from several weight changes in the past, but I don't know what to think.Another thing that confirms my worries about her is how she refuses to allow me to spend time with her mother. We met once, but had no chance to talk. She doesn't want me to stay over at her house because she "hates her mother." But I don't know if that's a valid reason.Can someone tell me if I'm right to be scared? Whenever I talk to her about this, she freaks out and claims that I don't trust her. I can see why she's worried about that, but don't I have valid reasons to be worried too? Am I in a relationship of lies?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you CindyCares. I know she is not a pathological liar as she rarely lies (other than the things mentioned here which I am unsure of). She claimed that her grandmother tried to kill her grandfather by starting a fire just a few months. Sounds ridiculous right? It turned out that it was true; I saw it on the news and everything she said turned out to be true.
I just don't know if she is telling me the truth about these things.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 I am with SVC , the bottom line is that if there's no trust, you are both wasting time.
I feel, contrariously to other posters, that there is not enough condemning evidence in what you report.
She must have finished high school, otherwise how can she apply for college. And I am like her , I hate with a vengeance people hovering over me and breathing on my neck to show me how things " should" be done, if I find myself unable to do them, I surely will ask for assistence , but before that, please let me try my way.
As for the stretch marks, I too never got even one from being pregnant, but alas I got a few later, from yo-yo dieting ( gaining and losing weight back and forth ).
The " I hate my mother " sounds to me an excellent reason for her not wanting to spend time at home ( and btw, maybe she is not allowed to entertain guys in total privacy at her home... so if it ends up that you have to hang out in the kitchen or watch TV in the lounge with the rest of the family, why would you want to spend time there anyway , at 18-21? Don't you have your own friends and social circle and fun stuff to do outside ? )
BUT, you caught her in a lie once, and ,alas, it was enough of a big lie to shake the foundation of this relationship. So ,now, are you being paranoid , or is she such an astute liar ? who knows, if it's hard to tell for you, imagine for a stranger. Anyway, now you have to sort of toss a coin and either decide that all in all you can trust , or, au contraire , that you can't :
In the first case you'll stop second guessing and you'll consider her innocent unless PROVEN guilty . In the second, break up , it won't go any better, anything she will say or do will be cause for further suspicions and investigations.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2013):
 I know women who have had bad stretch marks from weight gain... I had NONE from pregnancy BTW... just saying.
NOT saying she's truthful.... but even if she is you don't trust her OP for whatever reasons you have.
IF you do not trust her there is no relationship. It does not matter if she's telling the truth or not, you do not believe her, therefore there is no trust and you should end it as soon as you can... it will only get worse.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 Wow youve got a lot to learn about women. Bottom line: Have the guts to end this. Shes so dramatic its ridiculous. How is that worth ur time? Get out of this.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 She is a pathological liar and she is very bad at lying. She doesn't cover up her stretch marks. She said she screwed up in high school when supposedly she did so well that she graduated early.
She has deep issues with self acceptance, and inferior complex and thinks that by making up a brilliant persona she will be liked.
Maybe her mother is taking care of her kid and she doesn't want you to know about it. Maybe she gave up her kid for adoption. The kid part is probably what she meant by screwing up and messing up the future, making her delay graduation, instead of being ahead of others. Maybe her kid is a secret within the extended family and she was raised that lying and hiding shameful secrets is the way to go when dealing with others, and to save the family reputation.
When she cried her eyes out, you knew that underneath is some big elephant in the room and the sadness of not being able to reveal her true self.
You may not really want to be her boyfriend but as a friend you should encourage her to speak to a therapist. The lying has to stop if she wants to be successful, or else he habit could get her in legal trouble.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): My friend you give a compelling story that leaves only one conclusion she is a big liar. And by what you said you are probably right. She got knocked up in high school and is trying to hide or mask it. You try to work on trust issues to draw a connection with her but she is fighting you all the time. You have one decision talk to her and tell her you need the truth from her or its over. And if she has her childish tantrums then back your bags and get the hell out of their. You don't need to live in the shadows of her decent and lies. This is bullshit my friend... pure bullshit. Move on with your life now. Good luck...
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