A
female
age
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*eeling Ignored Feeling Sad
writes:I am currently with a partner for almost 4 years now. She is a control freak, almost always never wanting to admit her mistakes. If I do get her in a corner, she will turn the tables around, accuse me of starting an argument, and then completely changes the topic. One time, I discovered some issues she has kept from me on her phone. I let go of them except for one issue that has bothered me so much - she is keeping a photo album of her first love in her phone, someone who she knows I am not comfortable about. Even as she tells me I am the love of her life, she still has this album of pictures that she cannot let go off. I have told her once (when the picture was just one) that She should erase it already if she really loves me. She did erase it. But now, after a while, that erased picture is back on her phone with so much more pictures to make an album! I told her it makes me sad to know I am not enough to make her forget that person. So, she apologized for hurting me that way and told me she will remove the album already. But, she never did anything about! And now, there are more pictures! I can't stand it anymore! I feel so stupid, I look like a fool already! And again, when she asks why I'm sad again, there is a mixed feeling of annoyance and impatience coming from her. How can I even start telling her how I feel when she stops me with her negative and evasive reaction before I can even speak up? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TeardropsOnMyGuitar  +, writes (23 April 2013):
I think the pictures on the phone is a concern but not necessarily a problem. However, you CLEARLY have a bigger issue.
The two of you can't seem to discuss and resolve issues together in a mature way. I'm not saying that you personally can't do this but together it isn't working and from what you say she has issues. This is a big yellow flag!
If you are not entangled(kids, married, house), you might consider moving on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 I have pictures of my first wedding and my first husband. I also have photos online from the third husband. because my phone is linked to my facebook account, they automatically show up on my phone as albums.
I do not look at them.
Having pictures of your ex loves is your past. It does not mean I want my ex or I miss my ex but they are part of my history. IT is not a statement of how I feel about my current husband, nor is it disrespecting him to have my past.
IT may be that you are over-reacting and she's just telling you what you want to hear to keep you calm and happy.
If there is nothing between her and the ex but some pictures, are you sure the relationship is worth losing over your insecurity?
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 April 2013):
Are you happy with her? Do you like the person she is as a whole? Knowing what you know about her now, if you could go back and do it all over again would you?
If 2 out of 3 is no I'd rethink this relationship. You're not married, probably don't have kids, so there's no reason you have to be dealing with this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): "Even as she tells me I am the love of her life, she still has this album of pictures that she cannot let go off. I have told her once (when the picture was just one) that She should erase it already if she really loves me. She did erase it. But now, after a while, that erased picture is back on her phone with so much more pictures to make an album!"
Don't believe what she SAYS, believe what she DOES.
"How can I even start telling her how I feel when she stops me with her negative and evasive reaction before I can even speak up?"
You can't. That's precisely her intention.
You know who she is, and so you can wait for her to change into the person you want her to be (which will never happen) or you can dump her and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): my friend she is using the control freak mechanism to divert you from the real problem. A crush on somebody else. You yourself said what she is doing. for once tell her to shut up when you have something to say and make her listen. If she doesn't tell her its over and you are out of there. What kind of behaviour is this? Totally un acceptable. How do you know she is not already reconnected with her previous love? You don't. So take care of this problem. Do it is of yesterday. Tell her to stop the hooky poky control mechanism routine. You don't have to feel stupid my friend you are the victim here. This thing that has happened to you reminds me of a scene from a recent Hollywood movie. Don't waste your time on her, she don't give a crap about your feelings she is still hooked on her previous boyfriend and I bet they have been doing the horizontal mombo. She is being evasive because she is trying to hide her secret love and crush. Don't be her fool on this. Pack your bags and hit the road asap.
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