A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'd like some advice because I'm so confused. I used to be sort of fwb (hate that saying) with someone, which I regret now. He's now married but we still talk. He told me he wants to be friends but he's changed constantly flirting and when I have seen him he's tried to kiss me. He asked to meet up over the holidays but I was busy, which probably was for the best anyway. Last night I ended up telling him that I felt like he didn't want to be my friend because he never acted like one. The messages went like this:me:I don't think you've ever been particularly concerned about me. Like, I'm just not important.Him:Oh, I'm very sorry you feel like that. Its not how I feel or ever felt. I liked when we first met up again we went out for drinks and chatted and nothing happendMe: Don't worry. I accepted it a long time ago.Him:babe that's really sad. Why did you ever see me if you thought I didn't like you? I think you knew we both liked each other.But, I want to prove to you that you are wrong.Do you think he's being genuine about wanting to be my friend or am I wasting my time? Why is he so desperate to be my friend? We've tried before and it's never worked.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): OP here.
Thank you for your replies. I guess part of me was hoping that he did care and want to be my friend but it doesn't look like that's the case.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (2 January 2015):
No, I don't think he genuinely wants to be friends. I think he wants to have a little roll-in-the-hay option. A little sexy secret that he keeps from his wife.
Do you have other platonic male friends? Think about how you interact with them? Are they always flirting with you or trying to steal kisses? Probably not. If they have wives/girlfriends, do you spend much time alone with them going to the movies or just catching up etc? No, you'll probably find that much of the time his other half is welcome to join in.
And stop engaging in text discussions with him about how genuine his offer of friendship is because it'll only confuse you further. He's hardly going to be honest and say "Yes, I just want to have an affair and I have no romantic feelings for you at all - just lust" (but that's what his actions are indicating.)
Move on from this guy. Stop trying to be his friend.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (2 January 2015):
You have a good response so far I see. I think you know already, this guy is looking to continue the fun and he doesnt respect his wife or you. Calling you "babe"? Trying to kiss you? He is making his motives clear
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 January 2015):
 he's married
he tried to kiss you
are you friends with his wife?
does his wife know about you?
he's not a friend... he's looking to see what he can get.
want to prove it... invite him over for dinner WITH HIS WIFE and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (2 January 2015):
 This is your answer: "He told me he wants to be friends but he's changed constantly flirting and when I have seen him he's tried to kiss me."
I don't think its worth bothering with him.
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