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Is my ex-boyfriend trying to hurt me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 April 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 May 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *oniqueEE writes:

I'm in the process of getting over a break-up.

I recently told my ex that being friends with him straight away was not going to happen for me, and that I need time to be just me. He said to contact him when I'm ready but I dunno if I'll ever be.

He called me a week ago asking if I wanted to go to a concert, not with him but if I wanted to go? I said I was busy so he said ask your friends. I didnt, and forgot about it. One of my girl friends likes the act of the concert and he found out and asked me why I didnt ask her, I just brushed it off, because it honestly wasn't a big deal. However, now he's asked her on several occassions if she wants to go, she's finally said she cant be bothered and he's left it. However it has irked me, why would he ask her so many times if she wanted to go? He knows she's like my best friend, is he trying to hurt me?

I had a talk with her that it made me feel awkward and as she's 100% closer to me than him, I know her loyalty is with me. We both find it strange though and now she's being more cautious. It wouldnt make sense for him to chase after her as he has always said he cannot lose my in his life, and doing this would be the ultimate thing to hurt me further.

Am I reading into something that isn't there? I'm really scared that he's willing to hurt me so much. I want to move on at my own pace, but if its not one thing its another, and I don't know how to forget him.

He says he loves me as a friend and needs me, is he trying to hurt me? I wouldn't understand why...

View related questions: a break, best friend, move on, my ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010):

yep..him trying to talk to ur best friend just says JERK JERK and your best friend should know better than that. Both of you steer clear away from him. I had almost the same experience.

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A female reader, KRSMouse United Kingdom +, writes (28 April 2010):

i dont think it sounds like he wants to hurt you, i think he is just desperate to have some involvement in your life, and if you dont let him in, then he will try and find another way in, through your friends. you need to talk to him and tell him that you need space to get over things, and then in time you will find that you can move on from this and be friends if you want to. but tell him his behaviour is simply making him come accross as the 'clingy ex' and that it is annoying and not making you want to be his friend, infact it is having quite the opposite effect!

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A female reader, ladyjaye United Kingdom +, writes (28 April 2010):

ladyjaye agony auntit sounds as if he does want to hurt you.. tell your friend to ignore him and the next time he contacts you tell him that you're busy and you cant talk... do this everytime he contacts you until he stops... its obvious that he still wants control and the only way you can take that away from him is if you take charge of yourself... if you are able to change your phone numbers then do that as well... he needs to get the hint which is "get out of my life"... gud luck!

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