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Is my disinterest in sex normal?

Tagged as: Health, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 June 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a 40 year old women that have a total hysterectomy at age 28. My husband is 44. He wants to have sex everyday. If I don't want to he masterbaits. Is this normal or am I just being a bad wife? Should we see a doctor together?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

I would go and see your doctor and ask about Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 June 2010):

olderthandirt agony auntsadly it's entirely "normal". My wife had the same thing and I used to taunt her as trying to "re-virginate" She saw no humor in it either. Let him masterbate all he wants it's not going to hurt anything. Testosterone is the culprit if there has to be one . I is not can't help the way you feel.Nor though can he help the things he does..think of it as a new life style

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (23 June 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntA total hysterectomy will affect your hormone levels. That can have an effect on your sex drive. There are a lot of other factors as well. If you are not happy with your level of interest a Doctor can sometimes help. There are hormone balancing therapy available. Sometimes a marriage counselor can be as much help.

While I don't use the word Normal when talking about sex drive, because there is such a wide range of drives out there, it is common for women and men in your age range to experience a slow down in libido. This frequently causes difficulties in the marriage as on partner is more interested than the other. There are self help books dealing with just that factor.

So to put a precise answer to each of your questions:

Is this Normal? It happens to a lot of people.

Am I being a bad wife? A bad wife would refuse to see that there was a problem. You are interested in solving the problem. To me that puts you in the good wife category.

Should we see a doctor together? Together or separately, whatever you both feel comfortable with. Taking him with you will help him to see that you are trying. His input may help the doctor. I know that when My Wife visits the doctor with me he gets a better feel for my mental state. On the other hand I did the viagra visit myself. If you see a marriage counselor, together would be best for the first visit unless the counselor says otherwise.

In the end if you two see this as a problem that is neither of yours fault, but instead as a challenge that you can overcome together, Then you can work through this without damage to the relationship.


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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland +, writes (23 June 2010):

Cerberus agony auntIt's quite normal for libido to fade and no you're not a bad wife because of it. Especially seeing as you have put thought into the matter.

Perhaps you should go see a doctor and ask them ways you can increase your libido that's only really necessary if it has become a problem.

It's quite normal to have different sex drives in a relationship and as long as your husband has his sexual needs fulfilled by a combination of sex with you and masturbation then there shouldn't be any problem.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

Your not being a bad wife but you might want to start eating better or something else that can increase sex drive, look up a position you want to try?? Maybe explore etc

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

The fact that u hesterectomy, of-course influence your desire to have sex. B ut i heard that you may not have desire for sex when u think of it, but when it actually starts you would function as a woman that never had surgery.

I think it would help to go see a doctor. If your husband doesn't get it at home, he ll go look for it somewhere else.

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