A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My daughter has moved in with her boyfriend they have only being together 5 months and moved in with him after 2 months. She is paying him £300 a month plus half for food. It is his house and her name is not on the mortgage. She has also bought paint, wallpaper and other things for the house. He uses her car which he is not insured on even though he has his own. She pays for nights out and meals they go out for. I can't say anything to her as she's 25 but I feel she's being a bit of a mug. Does anyone else think this?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (13 July 2017):
 He’s a stingy unromantic BF with a business mind if he gets a GF move in like lightening after 5 months, has her pay for nights out and uses her car. He’s totally irresponsible to drive her car and is taking full advantage of her generosity which stands to advance him, too get home improvements done at minimal expense to him.
For now, I think it fair to ask 300GBP=$503AUD/mth and not place her on the mortgage after 5 months of knowing each other. I think you would accept it’s excellent rent and cheaper to keep Solicitors out of the equation when this relationship may dissolve sooner than later?
As it is, your 25yo daughter is keen to play house, likes to buy things for the house to help make it their own, give it a woman’s touch and show invested interest in the property and relationship. Yes love is blind, yet I don’t think her buying paint; wallpaper is going to do her out of pocket, unless she’s bought quantities for the entire house? Then we would have a dilemma of her being a mug as you say and is certainly being used with no proper romance in return.
All major (permanent) fixtures; roofing, new wiring and plumbing, kitchen must belong to the mortgage holder to pay for! A few bits here there from her are no cause for alarm. Though I’d prefer her to buy furniture, that way it goes with her if/when she leaves.
Meanwhile it’s too early for a ring on her finger and her name on the mortgage... that way when she wakes up from this cheap conniving BF she can walk away with the chattels she has in her name.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2017):
 Well, yes, a bit . Could be worse , though :)
In the sense that, of course she should be paying for her food, why should he be feeding her if she has an income and they are not even married ? As for the 300 pounds in rent, I suppose that yes it would be more gentlemanly if he did not charge her rent, after all it's not as the mortgage or any costs related to house ownership are going to increase and cost him more just because he took a gf to live in- then again, the unromantic truth is that part of the big lure of an early cohabitation is exactly because it increases cash flow / savings for the home owning partner. Charging rent to your SO may not be the most refined or most romantic thing to do, then again your daughter IS sharing a house and anywhere else she went , whomever else she shared with, she would be paying rent, so might as well paying it to the bf. As for the amount, I guess it depends from what's fair and usual in your area - if they were in London, with 300 pounds a month she could not even rent half of a bedsitter in Willesden Junction, so... I guess it really depends.
I find a bit more concerning that he uses always her car, although he has one, and this, regardless of insurance, is not very considerate, a girl in love does not think about accruing mileage and wear and tear, but these thing exist and anyway, it's the idea behind it, why does he have t use hers if he's got his own ?. Ditto for her habit to always pay for outings and meals out, - now I am not so old school to think that men should pay for all dates, perish the thought, but what about a more balanced division of recreational costs ? Going Dutch, or taking turns , or at least letting him treat her every now and then ? She is too young to have a boytoy- who knows, maybe she is not that sure that he is as into her as viceversa, or that he will stick around etc,. and she is tryng, consciously or not, to buy his affection and devotion with material treats. Always a big mistake, and if this is the case, she will eventually , and better sooner than later , learn her lesson the hard way.
Alas, as a mother of a young adult there's not much you can do- in fact, nothing at all, because at the end of the day, if spoiling and pampering her bf might be a misguided choice, still it's her free choice which she is entitled to make. All you can do is hoping for the best and being prepared for the worst, in the sense of being ready and prompt to offer tea and sympathy if things go pear shaped.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2017): It's difficult to know if she's being taken advantage of really, in terms of using her car uninsured then that would be illegal - chances are he has insurance on his own car that covers him to drive other people's cars (which mostly standard for most over 25's with fully comprehensive insurance policies). If he really is not insured then once caught, your daughters car would be seized and could be crushed for none insurance. It's up to your daughter if she's happy for him to use it, as annoying as it may seem.
But with the house I don't think she's being ripped off or taken advantage of.
Realistically after 5 months of being with someone, buying a house with them and being legally bound to that person would be way too fast. Buying a house with someone pretty much binds you to a person as much as marriage does. So quite rightly her boyfriend doesn't want to add her to his mortgage because their relationship is still so new.
Also, her boyfriend would have needed £10,000+ to put down as a deposit to purchase a house. If I were him, unless she could come up with the money to invest equally in the house then she wouldn't be entitled to be on the mortgage - if she was in a position to equally invest then the share in the house itself would be 50/50 and then all the bills etc...would be shared 50/50 too.
She can't expect to live with him rent free,and £300 a month and half for food sounds reasonable. He is very unlikely to be making a profit from her contribution but is actually covering the cost for her to live in the house - she's using the electricity, water and by living there as a couple he would lose any entitlement to single persons discount for council tax - so she quite rightly needs to contribute.
If their relationship develops and they are still going strong as a couple for 12-18 months + then that would be the time they discuss as a couple whether she is in a position to invest cash in the house and be added to the mortgage. If she doesn't have the money to invest, then he could still put her on the mortgage but the sensible approach would be for him to have the largest equity share, and they'd have to consult property solicitors to ensure its fair and both are protected should they split.
For now, things are probably best left as they are. If she's chosen to buy things to make the house more homely and wants to go out for meals then it's her choice. Items for the home and going out together is something I would personally split with my husband, but her bf may contribute to these things more than you know and if they're happy it's probably best not to get too involved. All I would do is encourage her to think of the future and get some savings behind her if one day she'll be looking to invest with her bf in the house.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 July 2017):
 She needs to learn her own lessons, but yes, she is being taken advantage of. If its his house, then the rule is she either pays and gets her name on the mortgage, or she doesnt pay anything towards the mortgage at all. Electisity bills and food and the likes is to be shared either 50/50 or by the appopriate percentage related to any difference in incomes.
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