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How can you distinguish when someone is in to you?

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 July 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

How can you distinguish when someone is into you?

I am gay and not the most confident of people, I don't typically look gay and it's not something one drops into the conversation!! What I am trying to say is, it's so much easier for straight people to chat one another up as you can tell if it is flirting or a sexual attraction but with women and women how do you tell if they are being friendly or showing an interest?

I am a friendly person so I know how I react with other people but not everyone is the same. I am interested in someone but don't want to seem a fool making a move if she is straight!

Any pointers and any suggestions of different ways to ask her out?

View related questions: flirt

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2017):

Trust me, you're not making yourself look like a "fool" if you hit on someone and they turn out to be straight. It's really not one of those things you can always spot on someone, unless they are very much "out there" sporting raindbows on every occasion and opportunity.

If you get rejected because they are straight, then it's no different from getting rejected if the woman in question simply doesn't like you in that manner, or if she's already in a relationship. It's still just rejection, and you're not a fool either way. Rejection is part of the game. The nervousness when it comes to facing possible rejection will disappear as you discover that life does not end after rejection, and no one will point and laugh. People go on with their loves and so do you. Eventually, you will get a date, but you wont get a date if you never ask for one.

But yes, I know all about the trickyness of hitting on other women. As a bisexual female myself, I have the advantage of comparison. It's SO much easier with men. Men simply love it when a woman chats them up and asks them out for a date. They get so flattered, I've almost never been rejected (although that has happened!). But women? I've never gotten a single date with a woman. Not even when I was heavily cruising the gay scene. It appears to me that women like to play "games" much more than men, even when they are lesbian. They still want to play games and play uninterested and to be heavily pursued and courted etc. Not in my taste. But then again, maybe I just had bad luck.

Don't get me wrong, I have been lucky in getting women to bed and the casual fling etc. But serious relationship? Never. So, best of luck to you! But I can tell you, I am deeply rooted in the gay community, and I have seen several lesbians find each other, of all ages. My observations lead me to think that they generally do not straight up hit on each other. More like, they are pack animals, and move in herds. And that you need to get accepted in the group and, I dunno, pass as a legit lesbian in their eyes, before you become classed as potential mate. But that's just my observation and opinion from the gay scene where I live. Probably this varies a lot from place to place. Just something to think about, if you face no luck in the "game" of hitting on random women.

I have, for example, become a member of any number of groups on Facebook for lesbians in all forms and sorts. From hiking clubs to game clubs to coffee shop groups to movie night groups. There are so many groups, which is why I have developed that "herd" theory, hehe. I think you just need to get accepted as a member of the group, and then let them introduce you to other potentials, because in my experience that's what the gay community loves to do: set people up for blind dates. Try that approach and see if it works better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2017):

Ha Beat about the bush..ironic

You will just know. You will feel it, she will feel it and u will just know that point u both recognise it as that "something" more. But if your wrong what's the worst that can happen, she can only say she isn't that way. You may even laugh at it in the future. Times have changed from old, go have fun and go with the flow

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A female reader, Miss.Cupid United States + , writes (14 July 2017):

Miss.Cupid agony auntI'm a straight woman and I'm also straight forward. You're in the 26-30 age range which means that the lady you're thinking about is most likely in the same age range. So why not be straight forward and ask her out. You'll either get a yes or a no. And if its a yes then hooray!!! and if its a no. So what, life goes on.

Please don't think way too hard into this. I know its hard to spot the difference between of course gay and straight so why waste time

Good Luck.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (12 July 2017):

N91 agony auntWhat else can you do besides be upfront and ask her out?

She either accepts or says she's not interested/she's straight. The longer you beat around the bush the longer youll be wondering.

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