A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I guess I should start by saying that my life has been chaotic the past month. I've been looking for a job for a few weeks with no success, and ended up taking a job at a "gentleman's club". I'm not dancing! Just waitressing. It's been rather demoralizing, but I needed a steady paycheck to pay rent and they hired me on the spot. I don't plan on staying long, I just need to work there until I can find something better. It's put me under some emotional stress, and after having sex with my boyfriend of four months the other night I started crying... It was really embarrassing for me, because I don't cry easily and NEVER in front of people. He seemed really shocked, and very suspicious. Maybe even a little annoyed? I have been hormonal from birth control, and also I had three glasses of wine with dinner... so that probably didn't help... I just apologized and said I had too much to drink. Then he said "OH, so drinking too much makes you cry?" in a sarcastic tone. Then I said that my job was depressing me and that it wasn't about him. Then he asked me if we were still monogamous, and I said of "yes, of course we are." He just seemed more suspicious of my emotions, rather than concerned. I know it was kind of strange for me to start crying after we had sex, but I have been keeping a lot inside the past few months and it all just seemed to come out. He has been pretty supportive of me in other ways I guess... he doesn't like my job but he respects my decision. He told me to not talk to anyone there besides what is required of my job... that the others who work there are not my friends... he keeps warning me that it's a "slippery slope", and worries that I'll start doing drugs or get caught up in dancing. I definitely will not get involved in either while I am there, and I know this for a fact. He is also much older than me, about thirteen years older, so he is always kind of patronizing me. I know he means well, but it offends me sometimes. For example, he pretty much made me promise I would find another job this week (which makes sense after my emotional outburst) ..then a few minutes later he asked me what I was going to do the rest of the day, and I said "I don't know yet." And he said, "Well you could always look for a job..." I can't tell if he's trying to protect me, or if he is being controlling. To be fair, I am mostly just listing the ways he bothers me, and not the other side of him which is very affectionate. He is always holding my hand, kissing me, telling me I'm amazing, etc. The combination of these two sides of him has been really confusing. Is he being controlling, or is he just looking out for me?Anyways, sorry this is so long! Thank you for your time, and any advice you might have.
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male
reader, landomando +, writes (12 March 2012):
Hes not being controlling at all... In fact he is being the best boyfriend ever.. I dont know one of my friends, one person! that would be okay with his girlfriend working at a gentlemen's club. The way both of you are handling this seems really really great! he knows you need the money and is supportive. But he also doesnt want you to work there (who would) and wants you to still look for another place. This is him being supportive and not exploding!!!! This is not about him being controlling. He doesnt want random people eye fucking his girlfriend! and that is understandable. The way i feel alot of people would deal with the thought of other people looking at there girlfriend.. would be the end of the relationship... i give your BF props. He just wants you out of there...I think you are getting mad at him when in fact he should be soo pissed at you. You may think its just a job........ Its really not, and the way hes handing it. Is to be there for you and help make sure you get out of there. Great BF! I know id go crazy.. and if they hired you on the spot then obviously your not so bad looking, and your uniform is probably not fully clothed..... so id go even more crazy.. Your BF props, handling it amazingly. You, chill
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 March 2012):
 Sounds mostly like he is trying to look out for you, but the way it comes across is really patronizing.
I understand that working in a place like that can make you feel like crap, I would hate going to work and knowing that people around me see me as a piece of ass/piece of meat.
Keep looking for a better suited job for you and talk to him about how you feel.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 Could be a little bit of both. In his defense though, I could easily see myself reacting the same way in his position. Having a partner cry after sex... if that doesn't ring a few alarm bells and raise an eyebrow- I don't know what does.
P.S. It can be a slippery slope... just quietly.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 March 2012):
 Tell your "B/F" that YOU will figure out how to do your job the best way that you know how..... and, thank you for your advice... but please keep it to yourself!!!!
WHAT KIND of "B/F" have you got there?????
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