A
female
age
36-40,
*utejoy20
writes:i am in love with my cousin since i was in my early age. he is soo handsome and a lot of girls likes him soo much, i am a simple woman not pretty not sexy, i dont really think soo that he would feel the same way,he likes me also,every day we were togetherm we sleep in one bed even in our home we sleep together.my parents didint think bad to us.coz we are cousin. after how many months i cant stop my self of falling too much for him. he is soo nice,handsome and everything what a girl wants.one day we go for a drink, we drink beer and then i get drunk, then we sleep in thier house he gave me a pillow and everything i need for sleep. im waiting for him to sleep beside me but he sleep on the sofa bed, i dont what he did, i went to him and try to awake him coz he is acting like asleep already. i said to him why hes not sleep with me in his room,he never answer my question and then he carry me to the room and then he kiss me, i was really shock...but i like what he did. i response i did what he did.and then we make love, after that i sleep in his arm.morning comes, i wake up early, and his awake too, he said sorry, i said no, you dont have to say sorry coz i like what we did. he said its not right coz we are just a cousin. i answer to him of course i know that. but i like you, not just i like you, i love you. and then i say goodbye to him, and then im going home.how many days we wont see each other,i cant wait to see him soo i make a first move. i go to thier house and ask my aunt where is he she said that he is playing basketball at the barrio. then i left and go to the barrio where he was.then i talk to him,what happen to you? why you ignore me after what happen? i am not asking you to be my boy or what, its just happen, dont think about anything, lets start again together as a cousin dont think about what happen to us.he just only answer me"ok" and then i wait for him to finish the game and then we going home together.how many years past by i think more than two years,we havent seen each other coz i left my hometown, and i try to finish my studies in manila.after my studies i return to davao city.i am at my friends birthday at that time, and i never thought he is there also. he got shock,he never know that i am coming. then we talk and talk we drink and get drunk, and then as usual we sleep together at my friends house. again we make love, so funny our situation, and after that night so on and so fourt we make love almost everyday if were together. we dont forgot we are cousins but we did it.after a month i told to my parents whats happening between us he face my parents and talk to them. that he loves me,like this like that...the big problem is his family they never like me, not for being we are just cousins but my background, i am not shy person of course i laugh out loud if thier is a funny stories. i dress the way i want it. my friends said i have a passion even im a chubby type, even im not pretty i have the looks that really different from others,the way i dressed.and the his parents doesnt likes it,they are too old passion. his parents attempt to send him to europe to his aunt there. but he never listen to what his parents told him,to do that or to do this. his parents talks to my parents about us,about the thing that we did,that we are doing wrong.we are doing bad.so on and so on... but they never get over us, we prove to them that we love each other...my parents understand us but his parents never really ever understand.until now they hate us...we get live in now, my cousin, my love,my baby.his parents never talk to us,they ignore us even we are seeing each other on the groceries store's,and i dont care.coz we dont ask them anything we need.we are living now happy and contented even his parents against us...coz we cant live without each other,we really in love each other,and he never let his parents broke our relationship.am i bad?........am i wrong? plzzz help me. what did we do to his parents? is it bad to fall in love with my cousins? am i to flirt? or slut? plzzz help me.
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cousin, drunk, flirt, I love you, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cutejoy20 +, writes (26 January 2009):
cutejoy20 is verified as being by the original poster of the question wow...im so surprise about your situation we have the same...but not more like me,coz we are in 3rd degree.but still cousin,u know,i dont know what to do if somebody staring at me and they are talking about like this,like that,you know.i feel shy,but i cant help it,what can i do,i let this things happen,so i let things to be happen in my whole life. i dont care bout them, coz we are happy. they dont care about my feelings,maybe if they are in our situation they dont know what to do...coz love makes us crazy.
A
female
reader, HoneyDip  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 i did forget to add that our relations are this... his great great grandmother was my fathers oldest sister....so i know that makes us generations apart.
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A
female
reader, HoneyDip +, writes (23 January 2009):
I am writing this response as i want you to see something. I am now in a situiation myself. Never did i ever think that this would happen to me. I was talking to this dude okay and his friend later on during the time we "talked" I found out he was my long lost relative i reemember him when we were younger, he grew up in LA and I grew up in AZ however i would frequently go stay in LA and work there etc. I was never close to him. I did not know he was my relative. Anyways... the thing is that one day he was around and my "niece" was taking care of his childrena and I had heard he was around but with this girl that was totally a wreck that she was constantly kicking him out etc etc. so I let me "neice" know to give him my nbr you know i was willing to help my family out. well he didn't call me for like a couple of weeks then he calls out of the blue and we hang out I let him know I am here for him always although we do not know one another. He and i get along really well. well we had some drinks he had more than I. It gets later and next thing you know we start playing around too much and things just happened. I couldn't believe myself i was so angry for doing so. I wasn't attracted to him physically. I was so mad at myself i would not talk to him for awhile I ignored his calls but he was so persistent. well after like 3 weeks he stopped by my house and things again just happened and we got along really well. I was worried about what others would say about it you know especially my "neice" but she never once said anythign to me about it. In fact I learned her husband is a 1 st cousin to her! So i thought she would never have anything to say to me. To me it was all wrong but my feelings got the best of me and I gave in, now 6/12 months later we are living together and talking of getting married! there are times that I wish to get out of this relationship as i feel moral wise that i am wrong so wrong. My uncle (dads bro) don't know yet and he would hit the roof as he comes from the old school. But all in all I decided to follow my heart. There have been bad times too alot lately. So i understand where you are coming from. I went with my heart. Good luck to you...
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A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (16 January 2009):
 A third cousin? A third cousin is a second cousin of your mother or father.
If we are going to apply an "inbreeding coefficient" the chance that there will some mutation in the cells of an offspring - it would be 1.53% better than the following "inbreeding coefficients":
Father/daughter - mother/son - brother/sister - 25%
Half-brother/half-sister - 12.5%
Uncle/niece - aunt/nephew - 12.5%
1st Cousin - 6.25%
2nd Cousin - 3.125%
Inbreeding effects are:
reduced fertility to have twins and sperm viability
increased genetic disorders (deperensiya sa pangangatawan at pag-iisip)
fluctuating facial asymmetry (hindi kamukha ng magulang)
lower birth rate (di pagkabuo)
higher infant mortality (patay sa pagsilang)
slower growth rate (mabagal tumangkad)
smaller adult size (bansot)
loss of immune system function (mahina ang kalusugan)
So if you are aware of these and if you are sure of your kinship (third cousins) then expect the above inbreeding effects, but it is small 1.53%. So small that inbreeding may not really manifest itself.
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A
female
reader, cutejoy20 +, writes (15 January 2009):
cutejoy20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe are third cousins...thats why his family really afraid that our siblings are abnormals and etc...but as of now i am not carrying our baby already, i am not getting pregnant already. i really hope that maybe someday if we have our baby he or she is normal, for god sake.but if not,we have no choice but to accept the reality. "ONLY GOD KNOWS"
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A
female
reader, cutejoy20 +, writes (15 January 2009):
cutejoy20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for answering my questions.i love what you've write, and i really appreciate you,for who you are.thank you soo much.
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A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (15 January 2009):
I think you have a situation there, miss. Since we belong to the same country let give me give you something to think about.Legal stand point: Family Code of the Republic of the Philippines No. "Section 1, Article 38 of the Family Code prohibits marriage of relatives up to the fourth civil degree (first cousins)."Is your cousin a 1st cousin? If yes, I am sorry but our law prohibits that. If he is a 2nd or distant cousin, then you are off the hook.However, there will be problems on family relationships and medical outcomes.Cousin relationships, whether 1st or distant may pose problems with the blood relatives - inbreed offspring may result. There will be deformities – physical and mental from the first generation to the next. Your offspring or descendant may start to have white hairs early at childhood or their adolesence or a descendant may have cerebral palsy and other physical deformities. The parents of my aunt (1st cousin of my mother) were first cousins, she and her siblings and two of her grandsons suffered these medical consequences of their parents.The second cousin must be a son of the first cousin of one of your parents. As first cousins probably they shared a lot of childhood memories and they have treated each other as family. They see themselves as cousins rather than in-laws plus cousins at the same time. Even if the Republic of the Philippines, allows 2nd cousins to marry each other, their family values are greater than that of the law of the land and that we should respect.I have the same feelings like what you are feeling right now. I have a 2nd cousin, 39 years old, she had a hysterectomy a few years back and she is a bomb shell. Heck with her hysterectomy, we can have sex 7/24 and we will not worry about any in-bred birth defects. But this reason is not justifiable. Biblical verses justifying family marriages between Israelites, as ordered by God to keep Israel pure, is not enough for you to have sex with a relative. It belongs solely to the Israelites, and not even true for the Israelis. Therefore, such could not be a sound basis "for doing" your cousin. My cousin and I go out frequently, we have some fun and I even slept over at her place, a few times, very remote from everyone. We sleep in the same room, she is on the bed and I slept on a mat beside her bed. With the lights out, we could have made the nights longer. But being alone with her with her physical attractiveness is not a license for me "to make love" to her. I like her very much. No, I love her very much. But everything is platonic and sexless. Not that I wouldn't like to have sex with her. Definitely, I would and it would be fetishly erotic, wouldn't it? But I mustn't. But of course, we have to have our sensibilities straight. Love has no boundaries but norms sets limits. Norms are observed by rational people and that separates us from the animals. Sex for animals is for propagation of its species. Sex for us, humans, is to express love and lust but the expression must conform to the existing norms. A norm simply ask the question - is it normal? I suffer because I have to follow a norm. It is better to suffer the pains of non expression of love than to agonize over the consequences of what a forbidden love might bring. I love my cousin more than any person I have previously known. But to have sex with her, guilt will follow - maybe it will not be mine, maybe it will be hers. I will continue to admire and love my 2nd cousin but I will prevent myself from getting to bed with her even if she tempts me.Sex is lower than love. You can love a person and feel good all the time, afterwards, which is untrue with sex with a cousin. Love your cousin as you love a best friend, but to have carnal knowledge is something you have to avoid.If both of you (you and your cousin) are ready to suffer any unforeseen and known consequences - gossip within your community, generations long genetic defects because of inbreeding, conflict between family members because of the acts - go ahead. Love is free. Love is after all, something the angels fear to thread.
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