A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi aunts and uncles, i really need some advice.I'll start from the beginning. About four years ago my brother got together with a girl and they went out for ages and they started to argue. A lot went on and they split up after about two years. Now my brother is a bit emotionally unstable. He's the physically strong one and i'm the mentally strong one. He couldn't handle the break up and he tried to kill himself. We're very different but very very close. The first time he tried to kill himself, I forgave him though i was on edge for weeks. He finally got back with his girlfriend and they were fine for about another year and a half, but then they had a big fight and when I heard I went straight home. He'd locked his door so I begged him to let me in. He'd tried to kill himself again. If he had died i wouldn't have been able to keep on living, hes the other side of me and i love him so much. He was the one who was always there for me when i needed him. Now a year and something on, he's started talking to her again. I've now moved out of home and I'm living quite far from him. He phoned me and asked if i would be angry, i told him no because its his choice but i cant talk to her. We used to be good friends before all of this. He got angry and shouted at me but i dont want to talk to the girl who nearly caused my brother's death. If i got close to her again and my brother actually succeeded in killing himself I wouldn't be able to trust anybody again. Am i being wrong? should i talk to her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): All those details are irrelevant, forgive me for being blunt here but she's a poisonous bitch that you need to stay away from. You're brother isn't lonely he's just her gimp. He had a girlfriend and he gave her up for this girl, so loneliness is not an issue. He's just completely obsessed and besotted with this woman and unless he gets rid of her from his life permanently, then she'll be the end of his life. It's that simple. If he gives you crap for not being nice to her or any of that just tell him this and tell him if he wants to destroy his life over some vindictive, slimy, psycho of a woman the he can do it on his own and not drag you into it.
You don't want to talk to her, you don't to talk to him about her, you want nothing to do with her and he has no choice but to accept that. It is the best course of action because it has the best chance of rubbing off on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont think i explained all that well. They originally split up because she cheated on him and had an abortion of another mans child.
They totally cut all ties, hes was doing great after the first break up. SO much so that he started to get on with his life and had really gotten over her. He decided that he wanted to go into the army and serve our country and as soon as she found out he moved on from her that much she got back into contact and started messing with him. They went back otu and things led to him attempting to commit again. For the last year or so they havent talked and then he fell in love with another girl, it was early love but he genuinely cared about her. The his ex popped up and started to tell him she still loved him and that she ants him back and told him she'd been raped and that she needed him back in her life.
Thats when he phoned me. I can understand that maybe im putting mroe blame on her than i should but hes gotten over her twice and when he does she comes crawling back into his life and messes it up again. The first girl he fell in love with after her has been dismissed now because of her.
thank you all for your comments. I just dotn know what to do now. I dont understand why she cant just let him live his life. As soon as he gets better she crawls back in and hes being an idiot and sucking up all of the good attention she gives him.
I think hes lonely but theres nothig ican do. I feel so helpless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): No you're not wrong but your brother is a massive idiot.
I agree OP she's not responsible for him trying to kill himself and yet he's putting himself in that position again. He's as dumb as a bag of hammers.
You need to stay away from her and honestly OP you need to create a bit of distance with your brother too. I don't mean ignore him or anything like that but just flat out refuse to talk about her or anything got to do with her. You cannot support him in this, he has to know if he is going to go fuck up his life again to the point where he'll want to end it then you have walk away from that because you can't be dragged down into this.
You can keep an eye on your brother that's fine. But completely separate yourself from the situation if he tries to piss and moan about it then tell him you're not going to sit around and watch him destroy himself, you care too much and you're not just going to watch as he makes a choice to endanger his life again.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (12 April 2011):
 How did SHE almost end his life?
Did she tell him to kill herself? I dont mean to sound harsh, but it was your brothers doing, not hers. It is nobodys fault but his own that he is in the situation he is in.
Relationships end all the time, any most people dont try and commit suicide.
Their relationship sounds very unhealthy, and I dont think they even know it! This suicide issue should have been sorted out the first time.
I dont think there any reason to stop talking to her. I think the best thing to do is to sit them both down and get them to talk about what went wrong the times before and realise what caused the chain of arguments.
If they are serious about talking to eachother again and perhaps starting a relationship, they need to sort out their history or the same thing will happen again.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (12 April 2011):
 I don't think you are wrong at all. You are looking out for your own interests and your brothers too. I seriously think that your brother should go and have some form of counselling if he has tried to commit suicide in the past. It's serious stuff, and he needs to become mentally stronger.
This girl must have such an effect on him to make him want to end his life!! But he's your brother and you love him too. Does this girl even know that he tried to end his life over her???? If she does then i think you could do with having a word with her about the potenial consequences if it all went wrong again and that you are not prepared to live with the fact your brother actually took his own life because of her!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): First of all you gotta remember its your brothers life and his life choices.
Secondly, you dont really know what happens in someone elses relationships.
Looking at what you have written it appears that your brother is a dab hand at being an emotional blackmailer. If said girl doesnt go out with him he will kill himself?
The woman is too scared to completely cut your brother loose because of what he might do to himself. The relationship exists because of fear on her part and manipulation on your brothers part.
Your brother needs medical help because he has mental health issues.
The suicide attempts are cries for help and may only be the tip of the iceberg.
Try and get him to seek help. He is very depressed.
In no way is his actions the blame of his girlfriend. In this life we have to take responseablity for our own actions and choices.
Good luck and i hope your brother gets the help he needs.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (12 April 2011):
I am also very close to my brother and would be devastated if something happened to him, so I appreciate that this is very hard for you to deal with.
It isn't this girl's fault that your brother tried to kill himself. To say she's the girl who nearly caused your brother's death isn't fair on her. Has your brother had any counselling?
I would wonder, however, why they are back in touch again; are they just friends? Or starting up a relationship again? I know you don't want to talk to her but I wonder whether it would be worthwhile just finding out her side of events to see what is going on.
Whatever it is, I would say it's not worth risking your brother's friendship over. Keep the lines of communication open, even if you don't like what's going on.
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