A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for 12 years and we have 3 kids. He has his own business and it has always taken up a lot of his time, though in the early days there was less pressure and he used to take a day off each week and we used to have a holiday every year. The business is a huge success but he has to be there a lot as there are always staff problems etc. He works from 10am and comes home after midnight, 7 days a week. He doesn't get a day off and hasn't had for over a year. He no longer has holidays, and doesn't even eat dinner at home with me and the kids anymore. I do believe him when he says it's staff pressures. I threatened to leave him last year and so he took 2 days off so we could get away and spend some time together. But after that things never changed, and we are still in the same position. I am so lonely, the kids miss their dad. I have to do everything myself on my own - raise the kids, go on holidays, stuff aruond the house, mending stuff etc. We are well off financially but this is no marriage. I have recently said I'd finish the marriage if nothing changed again, but things are still the same. Is it too much to expect him to be a dad every now and then, and perhaps a husband occasionally? There is no balance, and I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. Its a scary thought, leaving. But on the other hand I get so wound up sometimes I can't see any other way to go about things. A couple of years ago I had an affair with someone who made me feel good about myself and gave me lots of care and attention. I finished it, I felt so guilty, and I've not been tempted again. Where do i go from here?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 He works that much? My question is what kind of lifestyle is going on that he must work so much? Are the expensives so massive that he can not get away? Is he jsut a control freak that can not delegate some of the work?
Anybody that works that much should be in a position to retire after a few years...unless your family is spending more than it is making, you both should look at retiring together.
You need to talk to him, at worst write him a letter and get him to take ONE DAY to sit with you and be with you.
Something does not make sense here.
-FBK
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 You need to confront him as soon as he wakes up. It doesn't matter if it's 5 in the morning. While he's getting dressed, talk to him. Set your alarm. If he takes a shower, get in with him. I'm not trying to sound dirty, but maybe you two need to share an intimate moment. You have to realize that being at work all the time starts to take away from your sense of self. I work six days a week, and I forget who I am a lot of the time. You need to try and understand where he's coming from before you make any hasty decisions. If his company is doing so well, tell him that your family requires that he hire an assistant to help split the duties. If you REALLY love someone, you will exhaust every possibility before you just walk away.
Best wishes,
DV1
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