A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hiya.I find it easy to talk about sex but i find it very difficult to be intimate with someone. The thought of being intimate in a sexual way with someone does not appeal to me and for some reason i see it as dirty rather than something pleasurable. Has anyone else had this problem? How did you overcome it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): Thanks for all the advice, its been helpful! :) Yea i have been complemented many a time on my appearance and my body but i have insecurity issues and find it hard to accept and believe what is said.
I constantly compare myself to others and i think this may be the underlying problem.
There is also quite a lot of negative attitudes to sex in the media etc and so i think this is where i might have developed this opinion from, as well as the fact that my parents arent very affectionate to each other or open about sex.
Any more ideas about how i could overcome this?
A
male
reader, confusedsoul  +, writes (21 May 2007):
Do you like the way you look. Have you ever been complimented by a member from opposite sex about how beautiful you are or what's so good about your appearance? Though i am a guy myself, i have similar problems getting close to having sex as i want more positive feedbacks about how attractive i am physically, from others. I expected that my mother would say something like "My son is quite smart, intelligent and good-looking and he is definitely the one to be sought after by majority of girls!". Whereas in reality, i always keep getting negative comments from her about my looks as she finds it difficult to accept smallest of imperfections in her child. But then, that's her. I look to get other's opinion on this to verify what is really the case and i suggest it might turn out to be a good move for you as well to begin with.
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A
female
reader, lucygirl +, writes (21 May 2007):
this is common, you're not alone. there are many different types of people in the world and some people find sex extremely pleasurable, some find it painful and some are like you who find it as a rather dirty act. That's perfectly normal, and your still only 16 or 17. You have alot longer time to change your opinion on sex, and to be intimate with many more people. My best advice is to just try and open up a little more each day on how you view sex, and im sure you will see progress in time.
hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 May 2007):
 I think that you should fall in love. I've heard that when two people are in love, there's more than just the act that's involved. It's about sharing something truly special. You may also need to look to your past, or within yourself. You may find a sense of insecurity. You may not even find the act to be dirty, but rather, that you seem to be insecure about your body. Think on that for a little while.
Best wishes,
DV1
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