A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 and a virgin guy. Is it too much to ask for a virgin partner? I mean i have no disrespect for those who aint and i believe that every person has a choice. PLEASE HELP! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2017): It is not just fear of cruelity and atrocity that stops them in those conservative societies from going all the way as said. It is the culture and thousands years of conditioning that has created the boundaries that they know they must observe.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): The male anonymous reader posted an interesting observation. However; purity is a state of mind, and just maintaining one's celibacy doesn't really mean much, even in nonsecular societies.
Sometimes love transcends judgement of a person for their past. It is hopeful for you OP that you will find exactly what you're searching for; because as I said before, there is no way of telling how common it is that women retain their virginity.
There are no scientific survey's taken, and very little evidence to support any claims that 99% Asian and north African women maintain their virginity. There are also atrocities and threats towards women that give them no choice; while men do as they please.
No society finds rampant and thoughtless sleeping around preferable to abstinence and safe-sex. Suggesting extremes to make a point don't cut it with me.
By the same token, there are cruelties and abominations directed towards women and sanctioned by tradition that occur from men who set higher and unrealistic expectations. How does a virgin lose her virginity? From someone she loves in most instances. In those same countries as mentioned, they can be stigmatized and ostracized, but not the males who deflowered her. I also respect their customs and traditions. I am Christian, and I respect mine as well.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 August 2017):
 No, it's not too much to ask for a virgin wife - in your culture and society. Everything is relative, and expectations should not be absolute, but consistent with what's going on in a particular location, time, and society.
Your request would be seen as unreasonable, maybe even offensive, in other countries with a secular mentality , like my country and most of Europe. But in India it's reasonable- so I am curious to know why you seem concerned that getting what you want is going to be difficult or impossible ?
While the anon who says that 99% of Asian and North African girls save themselves for marriage in perfect chastity is wildly optimistic, not very attuned with the current changing social trends, and not informed about what recent surveys say about sexual behaviour in India ( in big urban areas like Mumbai or New Delhi etc., 75 % of ALL young people between 18 and 24 , females included, have engaged in some form of sexual acts, - so much for the " very few have non penetrative sex " ), still when we are talking defloration ,Indian girls tend to be prudent, conservative and respectful of traditional values. If they do not fully believe in virginity as a moral value - ( apparently they don't, particularly among young educated women in urban areas ), yet they generally are still too cautious to get in trouble with their own parents and relatives . and compromise their reputation and social standing in their environment , for the sake of " going all the way ". So, at least for the next future, you should have no particular trouble in finding a virgin partner.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (24 August 2017):
 What I would suggest for people waiting until marriage is making sure you still speak about boundaries with sex before getting married, so you don't end up with someone completely incompatible sexually.For example, some people don't feel comfortable giving oral sex, whereas their husband/wife may feel it's important. They wouldn't be compatible because nobody should have to do sexual things they don't want to.Another example is someone wanting anal sex, but marrying someone who doesn't and not knowing they're incompatible until after the wedding.Sexual incompatibility is a big problem in relationships, especially marriages. So not having sex before marriage is totally okay, but you should still discuss things you both want to try and don't want to try, BEFORE committing to marriages.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): I was a virgin when I got married. And to be honest, I wish I wasn't. In the end, looking back 30 years later, it really served no purpose except to make me naive, curious and limited in experience. I feel I missed out. I hope one day when you look back you won't feel the same way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know to many woman asking about their virginity is offensive. I am not a muslim . and i am saving it for my future wife. I still believe in love and i hope that there will be a girl for me who will hold same thoughts as me. I want her to be mine till eternity. Amen to that!! And thankyou for your advice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2017): Dear WiseOwlE just would like to point out that probably 99 percent of the girls in Asia and north Africa,especially in the Muslim societies do succeed in saving their virginity till marriage. Yes perhaps very few have non penetrative sex, but by tradition girls do manage to stay virgin, and contrary to popular believe,to be good in bed has nothing to do by how much you sleep around,as most girls get their sexual education from books and women magazines and, also that depends on how caring and loving their future husband is going to be. So I think the Poster from India needn't search with a microscope to find a virgin bride in the Indian society. Don't misunderstand me,I am not belittling the western outlooks and traditions in this regard.It is just that each one has its merits and pearls I am sure. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 August 2017):
To be fair, even having sex for the first time after marriage won't let you know if they were a virgin or not; there's no way to tell. Certain signs may make prior penetrative sex unlikely, but there's no way to know for sure, so you'll just have to trust them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2017): I've a question for you. If you don't have sex, how do you approach a woman to determine whether she's a virgin? To some women that is an offensive question; and she could falsely claim that she is. You won't know unless you have sex with her. You won't know what type of sex she may have had that wasn't penetrative-sex. She still may have engaged in oral-sex. There are ways to get around it, for the sake of getting a naive guy who wants to marry a virgin, and to fool her parents.
Good luck with that!
So you have to be more practical and realistic in this day and age, my young friend.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 August 2017):
 It's fine to ask for this. You yourself are the one who decides what is right for you, and what isn't. When something doesn't feel right, for whatever reasons, do not do it. It needs to be right for you, not for everyone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionVery thankful to all the people who answered my question. Sadly i know i may miss great people but i am ready to do that part of sacrifice. I have been born and bought up in such an environment where sex before marriage is prohibited. I never had any lack of opportunities. In fact i had three girlfriends prior to it. I never ever even tried of thinking that in first place.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 August 2017):
 You, I respect. I usually get irritated when some people come on here, having about 20 women under their belt, and then demanding to be with a virgin. But you put your money where your mouth is, so that's understandable that you want someone with compatible sexual values.
The real question is - are you holding onto your virginity for marriage? If so, searching for a mate at a religious or spiritual setting is your best bet. It is truly rare now to see someone who has saved themselves for marriage, but you'll usually see purity promises from people with strong religious beliefs. However, make sure your religious beliefs are compatible!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): Many cultures and religious-traditions consider virginity to be purity and proof of restraint. A sign of high-morals and innocence. Particularly in females; whom most often are held to a double-standard.
Virgin-males, on the other end of the spectrum, are ridiculed, questioned about their sexual-orientation, and unfairly made fun of. Only by stupid or ignorant people; of course. It is not the general-attitude, but it is of popular consensus. Age being the determinate-factor.
Welcome to the cruel-world of reality.
No, it isn't too much to ask for a virgin partner; but in these days and times, it might be wishful-thinking. If not unrealistic. The most wonderful, loving, and purest of heart you may find; may not be a virgin.
You are a part of a generation that isn't completely bound to older-traditions. Many only accept religion, because it is forced upon them. Their virginity may remain only for the lack of opportunity to lose it; not necessarily preserved at free-will, or a powerful sense of morality. It cannot truly be said that virginity is rare, or less prevalent. Only that it is rarely preserved for the reasons and standards that used to be dictated by religion, and standards set by society.
Whether someone is still a virgin isn't worn on a tee-shirt, or printed on a baseball cap. Best of luck with your search! It is private-information to be released on a need to know basis. Nor is it a disability or disease. Though some act as though it is.
Virginity can't be proven just by a woman having a hymen. She has other orifices, and can can find sexual-pleasure in more ways than intercourse. So when you want to call a woman a virgin, that term is at best...subjective. You may be completely off the mark. She could be totally promiscuous and even wear a chastity-belt. Which never really made sense back in the Dark Ages. There is hieroglyphic and ancient-evidence of oral and anal-sex painted on walls over a thousand years old.
You might have to be more flexible in your thinking and adjust your expectations. We don't all share the same values. A woman's purity and chastity cannot be judged by gynecological-evidence. It has to be judged by her actions and behavior. Her value-system. Which, by-the-way, isn't necessarily nullified or cancelled with the loss of her virginity.
If you fear discovery of your own virginity, and assume your lack of experience will embarrass you; your fears may be unfounded. You are dealing with women within your own culture; who will understand and accept it as part of reality, and respect you for it. They can't place unnecessary demands upon you, and will simply have to guide and teach you. Learning can be fun, and adds to the pleasure. It makes you no less of a man, and makes her no less of a decent woman for having more sexual-experience. You simply avoid women who lack self-respect.
This is all a matter of your own tolerance and understanding. You'll have to be patient, and continue to look for someone who'll meet all your standards and criteria. You should also take into account: character, personality, values, patience, kindness; and how they reciprocate their feelings for you.
Setting a high moral-standard may extend the length of your search; but perseverance and some flexibility will improve your search, and yield reward. Be patient.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 August 2017):
 No, it's fine. But in reality is virginity that much more important than overall compatibility? personality?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): It's entirely possible for you to meet and date a virgin but I don't see why you would rule out being with someone that isn't a virgin. Just because someone has had sex doesn't make them any less special. Its just sex. Its like saying you don't want to date anyone that's ever eaten vegetables.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): No it is not too much. In our part of the world the tradition is to seek a virgin for a wife although this tradition is changing fast but is still prevailent in the minds of most men. If you feel that your bride to be must be a virgin, then I think you should seek one.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 August 2017):
Just focus on dating virgins, then. It's that simple. However, you will be missing out on lots of great women who happen to have had sex before.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): There are still millions of virgins at your age, despite what pop culture and the majority non-virgin population believes. It's just not something that people like to be very open about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): You are okay to want a partner that is also a virgin but you can't just ask someone to be a virgin. lol People have either had sex or haven't before they met you... I don't get what you mean by "everyone has a choice." Either they are or aren't. And I guess you have a choice in whether or not your date them.
Just know that the chances are slim if you want someone near your age range who is also a virgin. It just doesn't happen that often. I would say pick younger people but just trying to date someone cause they are a virgin is kind of a rotten move, you know?
It's your life though. If you only want a virgin, no one can stop you. You're limiting yourself from great people though and you may never find what you want. This is sadly reality...
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (21 August 2017):
No its not too much. Do what you want to do.It's a bit weird that you want to forsake all of the amazing non virgins in the world for someone who hasn't had sex yet. Don't fall for the bollocks that your first time is special. What makes it special is that it is with someone who cares for you and respects you. If your first time is the best sex you have then you're doing it wrong. It requires practise and communication preferably with someone you live. Good luck
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