A
male
age
41-50,
*obert1983
writes:Hi everyone, I was just wondering whether it's normal to think about cheating if you have only been married 2 months and already sex is out of the question. Tried talking about it, but personal issues on my partner's side mean we don't. I have resisted so far as we have been together six years, but since marriage everything has gone sour. Advice? Questions? Thanks rob Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 February 2011):
 hi
cheating is NOT the answer. this should be obvious to you?! you really need to start communicating. you need to tell her how you feel. do you know exactly what her personal issues are? and did they just appear at the same time as the wedding ring? what about your own behaviour? are you or have you done something that is making your wife not want to have sex with you? a lot of the time, when a woman goes off sex with her man is because something has gone wrong in other aspects of the marriage
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): Cheating or thinking about cheat doesn't sound normal.
Considering a divorce sounds totally reasonable though.
If you can't have sex with your own spouse and can't even talk about having sex, there really nothing that distinguishes you from being anything other than roomates or platonic friends. I don't think you should issue an ultimatus over sex, but I don't think it's unreasonable to tell her you want a divorce because you aren't getting what you want out of a married relationship.
If there are other issues, like prior abuse, suggest therapy. She needs to talk about it if she's going to get over it at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): If she started this since you all got married then I would get out of this marriage before putting a lot of time in.
You don't need someone like that, you all are too young for that, get yourself someone that like the same thing you do. I wouldn't cheat on her, I would have a long talk with her about this and I would take it from there.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 OK, together for six years -- was there sex during the dating relationship? If so, was it satisfactory for either or both?
"Personal issues" -- is that abuse?
Is there a cultural issue -- the flag says UK, but are either of you from another culture?
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A
female
reader, LoviesBrknHeart  +, writes (16 February 2011):
Wow, Really? ..I'm sorry but sex is a must have in a relationship.. how else can you express how you feel about the person.. if anything ,its like she doesnt love u back.. is it an illness thats keeping her from giving it up or what? ? It is normal for u to contemplate infidelity.. after all.. it is just a thought.. but acting on it is a whole other issue... I mean , I get that love conquers all but compromise is key and if she isnt willing to talk about whats bothering you then to be realistic here , I'd say Get Out of the situation completely while you still have some life in ya.. but dont cheat.. its just wrong.. not to mention what cheating does to a womans mind and heart.. no one deserves that.. If youve done all that you know how to try and make it right and it still failed , buddy.. then agree to disagree and move on..
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A
male
reader, nononsense  +, writes (16 February 2011):
Hey Rob, you are too young for this BS. The only excuse you should take from your "for better or for worse" partner is a medical or mental condition that is preventing her from performing her wifely duties. If she doesn't want to talk about it, try going to counseling or a doctor so she can tell someone else who can tell you whats going on, if she doesn't want to go, then I suggest you dump her. Find yourself a nympho and dont' look back. We are only here for a short time my friend, and if your partner doesn't want to work hard and try to work things out or at least help you to understand what the problem is, move on to greener pastures. Good luck my friend. Let me know how it works out..
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A
female
reader, ashlydance33 +, writes (16 February 2011):
 I'm sure it's normal to think about it but to act on it is completely different. You just got married and that is no small commitment. But the fact that you are married and you're not having sex is not healthy, especially if it's only been two months. But can you provide more details? When you say sexless, do you mean you haven't had any sex since you got married or is it very minimal? Sounds like she needs to get help because sex is very important for young married couples. If you love her, you'll remain faithful and patient and if she loves you, she'll have to find help to resolve her personal issues since it is effecting your marriage in a very negative way.
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