A
male
age
30-35,
*efense3d
writes:Hello, I recently discovered that my girlfriend masturbates and I asked her today, and she denied doing it...I've always felt a little uncofortable about my girlfriend doing it, because I always pleasure her first during sex, sometimes twice, and 80% of the time we stop right there, without me having and orgasm at all, and I usually have to finish by myself when that happens.And I also feel insecure about it, and when I told my girlfriend she said I was acting macho about it, but she never accepted that she does it, but I'm completely sure that she does it.So is natural to feel that way? I don't know what else to say or do since she is very open about sex stuff and this is making me feel really awkward.Is really macho for me to feel this way?And even if she accepts it, I still feel awkward and insecure the kind of way when someone cheats on you.So I'll be glad to get some answers from both men and woman.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 March 2013):
 I would say it's only really a problem if she RATHER masturbate then have sex with you.
Usually (for both men and women) it's about a quick release nothing more, not about SEX or intimacy.
It's a little sad that she rather deny it then talk to you about it, but for many women it's kind of a thing WE do but don't talk about, it's PRIVATE. So I would suggest to stop making a bigger deal out of her self-pleasing.
Are you saying that you DO NOT wank off yourself? AT all? If so, then she can't either? And if you DO want, then why can't she?
I don't really see the big deal here.
However, I would do something about you BOTH getting off during sex. It should (IMHO) be pleasurable for BOTH of you.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 March 2013):
 I am sure she is very satisfied with you so masturbation does not mean you are in any way lacking. It's natural to feel this way but don't obsess about it. You do that because you want to make sure she has no other outlet other than you so there is less risk of her finding a sex machine and leave you. You also don't like it if she is fantasizing about someone else while masturbating.
When she denies masturbation I think she does not want to discuss this, feels this is her privacy, and does not feel that you need to change or step up or anything.
Masturbating is quick, less tiresome and time consuming, and it's at times a stress reliever. I suggest you to not ask her about it anymore. Your continued searching will actually be a trigger, and not a cure to your insecurity.
If you masturbate when she's not available, then you have your answer as to why she masturbates. If you don't masturbate at all, well I have known guys who don't. It's like 2 out of 10 don't masturbate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): "So is natural to feel that way?"For some people, it is. Others have no issue with it at all. I've felt insecure about it before. I used to assume that when my partner was masturbating, he was thinking about other women because I wasn't "hot" enough for him to think about. I don't feel this way anymore, but it used to really get me down. I also get what you mean by saying it kind of feels the like cheating, because I also used to think that. I felt if my partner got sexual pleasure from anyone besides me, even if it was just in his mind while using his own hand, I felt cheated on. Anyway, the reason your girlfriend denies it is probably because she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it. The fact that you pleasure her regularly and she still does it just means she has a high sex drive. She's probably embarrassed about it. So don't worry, it doesn't mean you're not enough. There are people out there of both genders who have such a high sex drive that they could be having sex everyday, yet they'll still occasionally masturbate. It took me a long time to finally understand this, because I am someone who doesn't masturbate, and I have a lower sex drive.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): let her masturbate it reduces stress for her. You might be giving her orgasm, just not like she feels on her own. Be glad she wants to masturbate and not wanting sex at all. Be happy she is sexual. Might want to watch her and learn how she does it. let her teach you how and see if you can do the same for her in time.
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