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Is it legal to date an ex teacher?

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 July 2011) 14 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Is it legal? Some close teachers, were aware I had feelings for this teacher. and they were actually okay with it! He never taught me. And yes, mostly everyone has agreed he feels the same.

Question is, would he be in trouble with the law? Thanks for answering!

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom + , writes (6 August 2011):

celtic_tiger agony auntI know eyes. In a few years they will see the light.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (1 August 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntGirls with schoolgirl crushes are tenacious if not anything else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes I understand that I can't of course date him at the moment, thanks for the advices.

And when I meant everyone, even his close colleague has said himself who teaches with him. And yes he perfectly KNOWS I do have feelings for him. He's single. Yes I am 16, but I am mature for my age. Let's just say, my school is sort off relax since every school has a different level of being strict... IT'S A LONG STORY OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED BETWEEN US but I can assure you, we haven't done anything inappropriate or been in a relationship. We've certainly have became close friends. I will wait.

When I did give him something on Valentines Day, the guy was blushing so much! I thought I was going to be reported, but nothing happened! No one absolutely cared. He just told his close friends of course but they were okay with it and awww'ed at me. It was pretty embarrassing but I was close to these teachers as well so I didn't mind that much. After that, the rest if history. We've become emotionally so close... A close colleague has said to me that he's got such a soft spot for you, and I haven't seen him like this. He clearly has some sort of feelings for you. I was like okay... but thats just the beginning of our beautiful friendship. He never taught me since I don't take his subject and I knew him through my music teacher - in which we discussed most bands, and thats where we got to know each other and how many things we had in common! It was so odd! It was like hearing at a man version of me!

I know most of you will say no this is so wrong, you're wasting yours and his time. But believe me, this is different. After all your advices I will obviously NOT date him while I'm still at this age, but as soon as I turn 18 or older. It's okay I guess.

Thank You for all your answers x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes I understand that I can't of course date him at the moment, thanks for the advices.

And when I meant everyone, even his close colleague has said himself who teaches with him. And yes he perfectly KNOWS I do have feelings for him. He's single. Yes I am 16, but I am mature for my age. Let's just say, my school is sort off relax since every school has a different level of being strict... IT'S A LONG STORY OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED BETWEEN US but I can assure you, we haven't done anything inappropriate or been in a relationship. We've certainly have became close friends. I will wait.

When I did give him something on Valentines Day, the guy was blushing so much! I thought I was going to be reported, but nothing happened! No one absolutely cared. He just told his close friends of course but they were okay with it and awww'ed at me. It was pretty embarrassing but I was close to these teachers as well so I didn't mind that much. After that, the rest if history. We've become emotionally so close... A close colleague has said to me that he's got such a soft spot for you, and I haven't seen him like this. He clearly has some sort of feelings for you. I was like okay... but thats just the beginning of our beautiful friendship. He never taught me since I don't take his subject and I knew him through my music teacher - in which we discussed most bands, and thats where we got to know each other and how many things we had in common! It was so odd! It was like hearing at a man version of me!

I know most of you will say no this is so wrong, you're wasting yours and his time. But believe me, this is different. After all your advices I will obviously NOT date him while I'm still at this age, but as soon as I turn 18 or older. It's okay I guess.

Thank You for all your answers x

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom + , writes (30 July 2011):

celtic_tiger agony auntFirst and foremost, it doesnt matter if you are still at school or not, if you are below the age of 18, then it is ILLEGAL for a teacher to date you.

End of.

Ok, here are some facts. It is ILLEGAL for a teacher to have a relationship with a pupil under the age of 18. If it becomes sexual the teacher can be jailed and put on the sex offenders register. Regardless they will be disciplined and sacked for breach of trust and misconduct.

Bottom line - teachers are warned and trained about pupils having crushes. ANY evidence that a pupil may have feelings for a teacher is immediately reported to our line managers, head of dept or head teacher. Staff are made aware of potential problems.

Even teachers at university have rules about dating students. It is not illegal, but certainly frowned upon. It is professional suicide and if this teacher has any sense he will run as far away from you as possible. Dating you would end his career and quite possibly ruin his life.

I VERY MUCH doubt these teachers were 'ok' with the fact you had feelings for another teacher. I suspect they probably were pandering to you, and hoped you would grow out of your teenage crush. Most girls go thru this phase at some time or another. It is very common and teachers learn how to deal with it.

It is very common and something that ALL teachers are trained for. There are protocols in place whereby if any kind of crush is noted by a pupil, records are made, notes are taken and the relevant people are informed, just in case it gets out of hand. There will be notes in your file on this.

You say 'mostly everyone agrees he feels the same'.... have you asked him this? Or is this based purely on your friends opinions and your desire to date him? Or is he totally oblivious to the whole situation? It is very easy for other people to tell you what they think someone else is thinking, but usually it is wrong.

No grown up man would want to date a 16/18 yr old girl. Sorry. You are still a child, and whether you like it or not, that is how he sees you. You are not mature, you have no life experience and you are from different generations. He doesnt want to have to babysit, he needs a woman his own age who is at the same point in life. You still have a huge amount of growing and learning to do. I know you think you are an adult and grown up, but you are not. There is still a lot you have to learn. This is one of those lessons.

Do you still live at home? I bet your parents do a lot for you, washing, cleaning, cooking, paying bills. You have very little idea about what being a grown up is all about, let alone what a grown man wants in a relationship.

In 10 years time, when you are my age, you will look back and understand why it wouldnt work.

In the next 5 years you will grow SO much. Your attitude, beliefs, wants and needs will all change. You will go to university, leave your childhood behind and find your own way in life. You will not want to be tied to your home town because of a man. He wont wait for you.

Leave the poor man alone and focus on your future.

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A female reader, baby-blue-eyes United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2011):

its not legal. teachers have to wait 2 years since you left the same school as them for them to begin a relationship with you you also have to be 18 for them to do it. a few teachers of mine want to stay friends with me and they can only do it once i turn 18 because of this law

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011):

when your this teacher age, you think to your self what a creep for going out with a 17 year old girl.

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (29 July 2011):

Given your age it would still be illegal, and given your age still unethical. The fact that you have moved schools and did not start a relationship with him whilst at your previous schools would mean that it would not really be unethical for you to have a relationship once you are 18, though some people would still view this as inappropriate, but I guess that is a hypothetical debate under the circumstances.

It is not unusual for girls of your age to form strong attractions and connections to male teachers, but that doesn't necessarily make for good relationships. It is ok to feel how you feel, but probably wise to simply find a guy near your age and at a similar stage of life who you are attracted to instead for the purposes of a relationship.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (28 July 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntNope, he still most assuredly would be in trouble.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Just wanted to point out I LEFT MY CURRENT SCHOOL to go to another sixth form. So we're not in the same school at all! Does that change anything?

Thanks for your answers!

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (28 July 2011):

The legality of a sexual relationship has to do with the age of consent, which is probably 18 for you. However, it is inappropriate for a teacher to date a student, he would be breaching teacher's ethical guidelines which could cost him his job, even if you were just a student at the school and he didn't teach you. However, once you are over 18 and once you have graduated and are no longer at the school, it is generally considered ok for you to pursue a relationship with him. However, just because you have feelings for someone doesn't mean they are a good choice of person to have a relationship with. Do you have feelings for him because you have gotten to know him in a really deep, personal way? On what would this relationship be based?

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (28 July 2011):

Danielepew agony auntI think it's illegal for you to date your teacher at your age. Beyond that, I wonder whether it is convenient. How old is he?

I truly hope his concern about dating you isn't only whether the cops would go after him or not. I hope he takes many more things into consideration.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (27 July 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntMost assuredly he would be in trouble.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011):

At your current age yes he would be in trouble

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