A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it ever Ok to meet an online date for a hook up? I am not looking for anything serious but have been online dating for about 6 months. This one guy who favourited me and I was messaging gave me his whatsapp and keeps asking me to come over being quite clear about his intentions. I'm game for it, but said let's meet in a public place first. If I met him, would I be doing something really stupid? I would obviously tell someone where I was i.e.give them his address, and even thought about bringing pepper spray with me ha...And yes I am a bit desperate for it, as you've probably realised lol. I'm 28 only had one sexual relationship, and feel I want to have some more fun before settling down. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2019): This is the thing you see. In your mind, in this fantasy, you're in control. You say in your follow up, "I was 100% going to use control." What if you meet a guy who couldn't give a flying fart about the fact that you wanted to use control. What if you meet a man who likes to go in bareback, is stronger than you and has a knife? He could pretend to be lovely to get you to go somewhere private with him to have sex with him and then when you're alone together, he can do what he likes.
Great too that you were going to give people his address. Somewhere to collect your body from.
He might of course be great, turn out to be the best sex you ever had etc etc, but you don't seem to think about the fact that what COULD happen in this scenario may well be NOTHING like you envisage.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (12 October 2019):
 Besides the possible safety risk that this could pose, I'll take a moment to remind you that we live in a world where there are these real things called STDs which the hookup culture doesn't really acknowledge these days. Your health is super important. You'd probably feel pretty bad if you were to catch something from someone whom you aren't even that serious about to begin with. You have no idea whether he's carrying something or not and neither can you scan for STDs with your eyes. Don't just think about the thrill of it, think about the level of risk you'd be taking. And if after evaluating, you still think it's a good idea then who are we to tell you not to go for it? Just make sure that you have all the facts and that you're 110% safe before entering into a situation like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2019): Hello, OP here.
For the record, i was going to 100% use protection, tell someone his address, meet in a public place and like I said was even going to buy pepper spray.
I guess I just thought if I took a lot o precautions I could make it safe, but I guess it is too much of a risk, so don't despair..
Thanks for your replies anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2019): Watch some of those programmes on CBS reality tv channels and the like. Then see if YOU think it's a good idea!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2019): I have a better idea. I didn't do this on purpose but I was staying at a hotel for business. I was at the bar and Mr Right Now shows up. I make sure the bartender gets a good look at my guy, then Bada Bing.
You only live once.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (8 October 2019):
 Sweetheart, just because he "favourites" you (I am constantly learning new uses of existing vocabulary!) does not mean he can be trusted or you know anything about him. My guess - actually, call it suspicion - would be he is practiced at picking up women for casual sex and this is his approach each time: he "favourites" someone who seems a bit desperate/vulnerable/easily manipulated and reals them in.
I realize we are all different but many women, myself included, find sex with a stranger repulsive, purely on the grounds that they ARE a stranger. How do you know you will even fancy him when you meet? If you change your mind halfway through, will he respect that? Or is he more likely to carry on regardless and rape you, defending himself to police later on the grounds that you came to his house knowing the "deal"?
I know young people these days "hook up" all the time and think nothing of it. If you are determined to do this, then you are probably going to do it, regardless of what we advise, in which case PLEASE be VERY careful. Agree ground rules beforehand (you haven't a clue how trustworthy he is, so this may all be pointless anyway), make sure someone knows where you are, make sure you use protection, make sure you get out of there if anything doesn't feel right.
I find it very sad that you undervalue yourself so much. You are worth better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 October 2019):
 Meet up first in a public space. DO NOT get in a car with him to go to his place.
While I think there are a lot of "just horny" people out there, who can really tell a sicko/psycho from a casual hook up? I get it, you can meet one of those in a bar too, but that only tell me that YOU (and other women considering sex with a STRANGER) need to take all the precautions possible.
Maybe it's just me, I don't see sex with a total stranger as "some fun", I would find that awkward as I don't know him, his preference, his body etc... nothing, and he knows nothing of mine.
But each to their own. I just find it sad with this hook up culture. I think you are more likely to get a STD than a great adventure, but again.. Each to their own.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (8 October 2019):
 Seriously OP? Your thirst for "wanting to have fun before settling down" could cost you your life! Desperate and stupid go hand in hand. Read what WiseOwl wrote and then read it again.
If you dont value your life then yeah..I guess its ok.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2019): I will counter your question with a question. How much do you value your life and health?
Unlike meeting a one-night stand at a bar or club, he is shielded by complete anonymity. At least there are witnesses and/or security cameras around!
Surely there is the argument that people meet on Tindr and other hookup apps all the time. There are also a lot of missing women unaccounted for; who may end-up dead, or become victims of sex-trafficking.
You don't know if he is HIV-positive, or hasn't been diagnosed for herpes!!!
I would say you're awfully thirsty, careless, and risking your safety with a man you've never met. Meeting him for the very first-time at his house, to boot!
Get to know who you're dealing with in-person; before jumping into bed with some random dude, girlfriend!
Be seen in public when you meet for the first-time; so somebody has some idea besides yourself, what the last person you were seen with looks like.
What's wrong with you? There are all kinds of murderous and knife-happy creeps out there!
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