A
female
age
36-40,
*hisisridiculous
writes:I love my boyfriend very much but I am so afraid he is going to leave me. He and his ex have a very messy past and I know he talks to her all the time. I try not to let it bother me, but it really does. I don't understand why he needs to talk her. He says he doesn't have romantic feelings for her anymore but that just makes it worse. It makes me feel like I am not enough for him and he needs her friendship even after all the terrible things they put each other through. Is it common for people to stay in touch with their ex's like this? Should I stop being a fool and do something about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): I think that if there are children involved than he SHOULD be talking with her. If he wasn't I would say run. If not well I would say what bothers you about the conversations? The fact that they are happening? Well if he cared that much for you they would not be. I would find another boyfriend. The only person you can change is you and if it bothers you than do something about it. Even if there are kids if the talks are outside of times and places than I would get away. If nothing is going on yet it will be. My grandmother always said that people hang on for one of two reasons. They feel guilty or they are still in love with the person. You need to decide what is acceptable to you and if these talks bother you leave. Chances are he will hide it from you if he really wants to do it any how! Than you have a great big mess!
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 If they didn't have children together (which would rather force them to have more contact in the present) I would say, he still has feelings for his ex. He needs to decide if he's her or it's you he's going to be with and then stick to one of you. When people try to remain friends with an ex, it almost always causes problems in their current relationships. They should both move on if they have no intentions of getting back together, but I suspect they both kind of want to get back together.
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A
female
reader, Skeez  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Talk to your boyfriend. Tel him how concernd and how much it bothers you that he is constantly talking to his ex. Tell him all the thoughts running through your head and ask him WHY he has to keep on contacting her. If you have the feeling that your boyfriend takes more consideraration for his ex than you then that shows sparks that something is wrong. Maybe you are a 'rebound' for him. As much as this hurts..people can be cruel and you just have to run away from it to be happy. If he explains to you why he keeps on contacting her but you still dont feel happy about it then theres likely that he will never change or wont stop talking to her for a long while. so you should get out of this relationship and find someone who has no loose strings attactched. I think its rather selfish of him to pull you into this relationship when he might have feelings for his ex still. I think its sick. So you shoudl talk to him. Maybe have some ground rules. If he loves you he will follow them. If he wont then hes a git. sorry for my language. Move on and live your life.
Goodluck
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A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (6 September 2007):
Talk to your boyfriend. Tel him how concernd and how much it bothers you that he is constantly talking to his ex. Tell him all the thoughts running through your head and ask him WHY he has to keep on contacting her. If you have the feeling that your boyfriend takes more consideraration for his ex than you then that shows sparks that something is wrong. Maybe you are a 'rebound' for him. As much as this hurts..people can be cruel and you just have to run away from it to be happy. If he explains to you why he keeps on contacting her but you still dont feel happy about it then theres likely that he will never change or wont stop talking to her for a long while. so you should get out of this relationship and find someone who has no loose strings attactched. I think its rather selfish of him to pull you into this relationship when he might have feelings for his ex still. I think its sick. So you shoudl talk to him. Maybe have some ground rules. If he loves you he will follow them. If he wont then hes a git. sorry for my language. Move on and live your life.
Goodluck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Right, it sounds as though your boyfriend may not be over his 'ex', just yet as sometimes the feelings and emotions still tend to linger on afterwards....It maybe that this so called 'messy past', is just an excuse to stay in contact with his ex. Sorry my dear, it sounds like you may be the 'rebound' and he maybe using you to make his ex realise what shes missing out on etc....I've been in the same situation, and trust me you need a guy that will be paying all his attention on you, not some old floozy from the past. Trust me move on and look for the 'guy' that loves you for you and doesn't feel the need to contact his ex every 5 minutes. Your special guy is out there, just wait.X X X X
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (6 September 2007):
 The ex is, beyound everything, is a very very familiar person, that has been an important part of our lives. Some split up couples can keep contact based on a platonic friendship. The hting with these platonic friendhips is that many things in them are tabu, and one/or both people may secretly fancy getting back together, or getting back to how things used to be. In my experience, i am frriends with my ex, we even go out together for a meal sometimes ( when everythign else fails),b ut i can swear hand of my heart there are no feelings there, apart from a sort of friendhip/ big sister/big brother feeling. BUt if his contact with her bothers you, then tell him how it makes you feel. He should at least take the time to put you at rest, to explain to you why *must* he keep seeing her. It's when he's not taking seriously your anxieties about it or when he is tring to brush off the conversation , thats when I believe you have somehting to worry about.
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