A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.So basically I've got 2 questions here.1/ I'm 26 and there's this girl I like but she's 17, would you think there is anything wrong with that? If not then read question 2.2/ I've been talking to her for a few months now, but have never mentioned anything along the lines of potentially dating. I don't know how to get the subject onto it and even if I do, will she see the age gap as a big no? I don't want to blurt out randomly that I like her and just ask her out, I know I need to work up to it. But finding really difficult doing so without being to obvious.What would you do in this situation? Any help you can offer I'll be most grateful for.Thank you. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 I apoligize for that answer getting through. It was clearly useless and we try not to allow posts that attack the site users through. I removed the post so it would no longer be on your thread.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is to 'Uncle Charlie'.
The question was just out of curiosity, just because I asked for an opinion on it about ONE GIRL doesn't mean I only go for younger girls. So before you make assumptions and insult people in future, get your facts straight!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 You won't regret it. A 17 year old is way below you maturity wise and intelligence wise, not at all at where you are in life. You'd not be able to have a real relationship with her, go anywhere, not to mention she's got no independence, and would have to check with her parents for everything. You'll be better off with someone older in the long run, at least someone over 18 who has more of their life figured out. Saves you the drama and trouble!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, some fair points you lot have made there. I'll stay clear then. Cheers.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (5 October 2011):
No, it is not ok for a 26 year old to date a 17 year old. She's a child compared to you, and you are an adult.
Now, I don't want to bash you, or be rude. But since this is an anonymous online site, and you asked a fair question, I will tell you the harsh truth. People will judge you. They will think of you as a childish person, should you date a 17 year old. They will think you are incapable of finding a woman your own age, so you must pray on the young and naive. You will be looked down upon as somewhat stupid and not normal. You will be placed in a box by society. You will find your relationship to be unacceptable to most people. You will be talked about. You will also create a reputation for yourself, and may find it difficult to date older women in the future, should these women hear about how you once at 26 dated a 17 year old.
It is not socially acceptable, and for various healthy and logical reasons too.
I understand this 17 year old may look mature and adult, but she is still 17. Find yourself a woman, as you are a man yourself. Or wait until she is 20, it is acceptable then.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 I personally would not permit a 26 yr old man to date my 17 year old daughter (or a 26 yr old woman to date my 17 yr old son for that matter)
but once she is 18 I would have no say.
I can't see what you have in common now... are you going to take her to her prom?
what is it about her that makes you want to date her?
and to be honest she may just see you as "that old guy that talks to me"
when does she turn 18? is she in school? do you work full time?
maybe if she's very mature for 17 and you are immature at 26 it might work...
once she's 21 and you are 30 then that's a bit better btw...
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (5 October 2011):
 Just remember you are a full grown adult man, legally she is still under 18 and therefore a child.
Yes, she may be over the age of consent for sex, but her age does limit her with many other activities such as drinking and going out. She is also probably still at school doing A levels, or college. She will have parental rules about being out on school nights, being home at certain times and having to focus (quite rightly) on schoolwork etc - there is also the possibility in a years time she may be heading off to university far away from where you live now.
Unless she is very quick, she probably cant drive, so you would be a free taxi. You couldnt see an 18 film. You couldnt buy her a drink (legally) so no clubs (legally).
Adult relationships are very different to those of teenagers, the whole mechanics changes, in wants, needs and actions.
Having been a teenage girl, at 17, she may well like to think she is mature and grown up, and probably puts on a very good show of being 'adult' and trying to be sexy, but underneath that facade she is an emotionally immature child. One false move and she will revert back to that.
Teenage girls are very good at bluffing. Until it comes to the crunch.
I am 28, so of a similar age to you, and I know that I have a very different outlook on life to when I was 17. I have changed as a person beyond all recognition as I have grown up. For my mind, the age gap is too big, at the moment. For the type of relationship you would wish to have, she is not old enough.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): You are both legal, so if you are both interested then go for it.
The law deems you two perfectly capable of dealing with each other so fuck what anyone else thinks, right?
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (5 October 2011):
I think that age gap is too large at the moment. As years go on it becomes less of a deal but right now she your worlds are very different. She may be mature enough and be interested but nine years is a lot.
I do know what you mean though. Right now I am interested in this girl who is 17, now I am only 20 but it is still a tough choice for me. More so it is about what her family thinks.
I personally would not go for it but I am not saying that it wouldn't work out.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (5 October 2011):
 I'd wait till 18 and even so, you will find that the maturity level will come out once the newness is gone. Guys always think they want younger till they get it lol
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (5 October 2011):
 As someone who is 26 too, I don't understand what you're really seeing in her. Is it mainly appearance? Do you need someone who is less experienced and therefore easier to control? Those are my immediate two assumptions when I think of older men going after teenagers. You've been 17. You know how smug and stupid we all were during those teenage years; you know how much her perceptions and opinions will chance in a couple of years and continue to change. I don't know why any adult would even want to be friends with teenagers much less be involved with them romantically. To me (and to most people), a 26 year old man dating a 17 year old is wrong. I would move on. The chances of her parents permitting this relationship, is so slim that it's nonexistent.
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