A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is hitting a guy as bad as a guy hitting a girl? Sometimes my bf treats me really bad, especially when he has been drinking. So last time we went out he was flirting with a girl at the bar and I confronted him and he turned around and snapped at me. He made me so angry because I have every right to question him when this girl is touching him! So we got into a big argument and he made me so angry, told me to go f**k myself and I slapped him. He thinks that's as bad as him hitting me? But honestly I think he deserved it!
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male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 When people in relationships resort to physical violence to express their feelings, their relationships are only a step away from becoming what is called “combative.” This is when the couple begins to use physical violence more and more often, so that it becomes an accepted form of communication, on an escalating scale. In extreme cases these relationships eventually end with one of them dead.Remember: boundaries seldom shatter in an instant. Instead, they wear down gradually over time as a series of small steps. In this moment of anger and outrage did you just take the first one?However, I think you are asking more about social perceptions. In that case, generally speaking, women hold the long end of the stick; it is typically considered less shocking for a woman to hit a guy than for a guy to hit a woman. You see it in movies and on TV all the time; a guy slights a girl and she slaps him. It started off being used for comedic effect in the early 1900s (so shocking was it that a woman would raise a hand to a man!), but, proving the power of the media, it gradually became an almost acceptable way for women to react in these situations.Regardless, I think we should collectively, as a society, work to move beyond such things.PS: It is true that women can and do abuse their husbands. In North America there is a “Violence Against Womens Act”, but no comparable law for men. Despite that we claim to be a society that values gender equality, we still have a long way to go.
A
male
reader, Tewebag  +, writes (2 April 2009):
(in the us) it is still abuse and men do report there wives for abusing them (it happens) but not as much as women do when a guy hits them. the women do get treated the same as an abusive man would be treated with booking and detaining. not sure if it is the same elsewhere. most guys just dont report it because what guy wants to say a female beats the sh*- out of him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Perhaps it's not "as bad" because men are supposed to be bigger and stronger than women in general, which I agree with, but slapping your boyfriend is pretty tacky, if not "bad". There is never a need to resort to physical violence if you are not threatened. Would you have been happy for him to slap you back in the same way after you did to him? And then what? You slap him again?
It's a recipe for disaster. It's not as bad, but grown men and women should learn to communicate and fight like adults and not HIT EACH OTHER. No matter how entitled you feel, hitting him doesn't solve anything, does it? If you go along saying "he deserved it" then you have a slippery argument that could lead to all sorts of trouble. He might objectively decide one day that you deserved being hit,too.
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A
female
reader, chazx  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 Good on you hun! No it's not as bad and I think he definitely deserved it.Go girls :)
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