A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I am happily married for 10 years and have recently developed feelings for my new friends husband. It is really throwing me for a loop because I know how irrational this is and that I am 100% infatuated with this man and nothing else! He brings out the biggest crush in me and I feel like a lovestruck teenager around him. It started when we would all hang out as couples and he suddenly began paying me lots of attention, talking to his friends about funny things I may have said on occasions, smacking my butt as I walked by, ... Now I do know this guy is a big flirt and does this with other female friends of his but I don't think he does it to this extend.. Or maybe I am seeing things where there I nothing to see? Anyways we haven't hung out in a few weeks and then last night we were all at a party he keeps coming up to me and kept giving me a quick smooch after each conversation on the forehead, cheeks,..(he had never done this before) and the frequency of it that night made me wonder?? Anyways he then tells me he loves me like a sister and if anyone were to ever hurt me he would take care of that person?? When we went home he gave me a big hug and another kiss this time almost on the mouth and said he loves me (in a casual manner -- as custom under friends) his wife and my husband were present and it was very casual. Anyways my question is: do I see things or is he flirting with me heavily?? What does this mean he loves me like a sister? I really like him and wish I didn't have this sexual chemistry with him as I love my husband and his wife dearly and could not be cause over breaking up families! What is his objective? Does he want to be close friends and that is why he tells me he loves me like a sister or is he telling me there is no chemistry between us hence I am like his sister?? I am so confused by all these feelings! (
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Look at it this way. If he truly loved his wife, no amount of alcohol would induce him to finger you in public in front of her and then laugh it off. He has zero respect for her.
But let's talk about you. Why were you topless in front of him and hugging/kissing your girlfriend? What if your husband were fingering some other girl or hugging/kissing his guy friend?
Truthfully? No offense, but this guy sounds disgusting to me. The whole coy "I've never done this before" act goes out the window if he's fingering you...FINGERING you in public. Come on. If that was unwanted, that would be sexual assault, which is why you're feeling a little violated.
You say your husband wasn't doing that with your friend? He is the good man here. That's like throwing filet mignon away in favor of week old White Castle sliders.
You don't have sexual chemistry with your husband because you're giving your sexual energy to another. Of course the illicit will look more appealing, better, and sweeter, and by comparison, who you have will seem dull, stale, and inadequate. That's the nature of stolen and illicit affairs. In reality, your husband was upright and noble. He stayed faithful and true to you, even though your friend was likewise naked.
If you continue on this course, you will, as it was pointed out by the anonymous poster before me, you will ruin lives, including your own. This guy isn't worth it. He's a cheater, and a particularly disgusting one. I wouldn't call it "balls", I'd call it disrespectful whoremongering, nasty lecherous and a bunch of other adjectives. He doesn't deserve your love or approval. He deserves your disdain. Yuck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): What do u do now? Well you keep your legs closed, that is what u do.
Fingering you in the presence of your hb and his wife, undercover? And you let him? Honey he knows that u are going to be an easy lay bec you have been giving him all the signs.
Happily married you say? You are just a few moments away from becoming the adulterer u want to be and the homewrecker you know you are.
Harsh words? Then do something about it. I cannot tell u to stop this madness. Only u can IF u want to.
Best friends? How about worse enemies pretty soon? Perhaps 2 divorces and then what? Just nasty gossip with the neighbours and your kids left devastated? You do know that your games will destroy lives, don't you?
Anyways u decide. You are not a child so stop playing with peoples lives.
Btw: the reason u are no longer "happily married" is bec u have stopped investing in your hb and marriage. Instead of looking all starry eyed and eyeing your friends hb, start getting your act together.
LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, well things have gotten worse! We have been hanging out with these people pretty much all year every weekend. The crush never truly went away but he ended up stopping being so touchy feely with me and instead seemed to put more energy into his relationship with his wife. He would constantly grab her, kiss her in front of us. It almost seemed like he is trying to proof something? Anyways, the other night, they ended up staying over and we all partied in the hottub. well things progressed, we all ended up naked, my girlfriend and I were topless, hugging and kissing (OMG!) while the guys were staring at us. It was ridiculous and her and I were just laughing about it. I certainly have no chemistry with her whatsoever.. however, her husband started to finger me in the hottub! I kept swadding his hand away but he kept trying it. It was out of control! I know my husband didn't do anything like that with the other wife, and I'm pretty sure she didn't know her husband was doing this to me.. Anyways, I didn't feel right about it and kind of felt violated in a way.. the balls on that guy! The next day when we had a minute alone I just told him he was being naughty yesterday and he laughed it off as being drunk... The real problem is that I am really falling in love with him and I am losing my mind over all this! I don't even know what is going on anymore? What does he want from me? They said they had never done anything like that and are not swingers. My husband and I never did anything like that either. It was just a crazy night. My question is, what do I do now? Obviously I should stay away but we are all such close friends.. I have such a strong attraction to him and he seems to really love his wife. He texts me or calls me a couple times a week but always innocent conversations, never any hints about getting together or anything like that. What is he doing with me? He also keeps coming over to our house during the week and wants to do things with my husband.. Is he really just being a friend with my husband and that was just a crazy night?
They seem to have a good sex life .. well mine sucks.. I have no sexual chemistry with my husband anymore and am actually pretty sexually frustrated, which puts me at a very vulnerable position. So my question is this: What do I do now?? What are this guys intentions? I feel like he is playing a cat and mouse game with me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advise. I need to seriously avoid him. I am just very infatuated with him and when I don't see him for a while I am totally over it. But when we hang out I feel like a moth to the flame... My husband has been telling me he feels more comfortable with the wife than with him and she had actually been pretty flirtatious with my husband!! Lol. He also asked me if he had been flirting with me so he is definitely aware of something out of the ordinary. I will try to spice up my marriage as neither of our partners deserve a betrayal like that let alone the kids! I guess I was hoping to hear that I am just imagining things to help me get over my stupid infatuation and just enjoy the friendship for what it is but I guess that is just not possible :(
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Well you're not seeing things- he's definitely flirting with you, but he sounds like the kind of guy who uses flirting like it's just general conversation. The fact that he's willing to do it in such an open setting and in front of his wife doesn't suggest that he's doing anything out of the ordinary.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 November 2010):
You're saying that this friend is a new friend, and her husband is smooching all over you and telling you he "loves you like a sister"? He's totally flirting with you. He wouldn't be giving the message that there's no chemistry while smooching all over your forehead/cheeks/almost lips. Who is he, Richard Dawson? LOL
If you're happily married, put that energy into spicing things up with your husband. Suggest doing new things together, and re-stoke your fire for him. Avoid any personal situations with your friend's husband, and don't let situations start happening where he's pledging to protect you (you have a husband for that!), kissing all over you, and saying he loves you (like a sister, dontcha know! heh).
You haven't crossed the line with him *yet*, but you're flirting with it, and if you've got feelings for him, put the brakes on FAST and seriously keep your distance. If he crosses the line and makes a pass at you and you love your friend, turn him down and tell her what's going on.
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