A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello: brief background to me. I am 24 this year, my longest relationship was over a year with my ex that ended four years ago.I have gone on dates and seen guys after but nothing that was serious so I moved on.Recently its been a month on monday i met a guy who is the same religion as me, lives in same local area and is 27.He is already my other half. We don't talk 24.7 because work but we do try to meet twice a week.I lost my virginity to him last Thursday (5th date). But instead of trying to have sex again we have met, gone on dates, cuddled etc. And booked a holiday( i'm paying hotel he is paying petrol) his idea for a holiday.After we had showered when laying on bed he said" i think your going to be the last girl i sleep with". He has been in long term relationships but also had one night stands.He sounded genuine when saying this.He told me on monday he loves me. He has been having a bad time at home and monday i took him out for a treat but they kept calling and i was understanding. Since then he has said it one more time in the text when booking holiday.He pirotises me, he treats me like a queen and i do pay as well at dates so i treat him like a king to. When I argue instead arguing back he either calms me or puts phone down as he will say doesn't want to get angry.I am just scared, did i sleep with him too soon and is this going down the route of a serious relationship He has said he is serious about me as he wants to go on holiday and he loves me. But i am always paranoid.Thank you
View related questions:
lost my virginity, my ex, on holiday, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 If after ‘a month’ of dating, a guy told me they love me, I’d be paranoid too... however from experience; I’d know and understand they didn’t mean LOVE in the sense, ring on the finger till death do us part, or that it meant we’re in a serious relationship. Since I wouldn’t have lost my virginity to him nor had sex after 5 dates with him either for him to say that.
You’re hearing these words from a naive perspective, yet it’s important to you because you lost your virginity to him... It’s certainly a big emotion and by him prioritising you, going on further dates, cuddling and planning a holiday sounds genuine for now.
But like with all serious relationships, they all have to start somewhere... this is just one small step in getting to know one another. Intimacy for me generally takes place much later, trust and similar values have to be in place and established.
After a month you feel he is already; you’re other half!? That to me sounds pretty quick when only time will truly tell. So I think you may have to slow down a little and simply enjoy the moment without projecting into the future before the beginning has begun.
If he is consistent in his affection and attention to you, say after 8 months and he hasn’t shown any red flag behaviour or set off alarm bells, then so be it... you may be, “the last girl he sleeps with”? But does that mean marriage? Again it will take more time than 1 or 8 months to see if it’s a serious relationship.
For me; if a guy is ‘serious’ with me he’d be paying for the Hotel and the petrol, but since these are early days I’d accept your arrangement.
Enjoy your holiday – CAA
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2014): Hey. Loosing your virginity feels like a big deal, and I think it's good that you've waited and that this guy who seems really special has been the one you've waited for. I don't think 3 weeks is too soon when it feels right, and by the sounds of it, you were ready and comfortable in the situation, you just are worried now that you should have waited longer?
I think it's important that if this guy was only interested in keeping it casual, he would not stick around for a month, and do other nice things with you besides sex. That is a sign he cares about you, not to mention he said it himself when he said he didn't want to be with anyone else!
I understand why you are paranoid having spent some time with men who weren't right for you but you've got to trust your gut instant. Yes, some men can be 'players' or manipulative but it's unlikely he'd go to all this effort to go on holiday and be with you if he was just passing the time with you. It sounds like you like this guy and need to get past your trust issues and enjoy your time with him.
Don't worry too much about the future or become overly paranoid, as this will push him away, just let the relationship develop naturally if you wish to stay with him. He wants a serious relationship by the sounds of it, and if that's not what you want then you should try and end it sooner than later.
You could also try talking to him as well, tell him how much you like him back, but you are cautious because this is the first time you've slept with someone, and you've dated people before that have wasted your time. Tell him you want to keep taking it slow if you feel that will help. He will probably put your mind at ease.
Good luck
...............................
|
