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Is he only interested in sex? This guy has confused me.

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 November 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 21 November 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Me and this guy work together and have known each other for a while. The night we were out with co workers he admits to having his eye on me for a long time. (this wasnt the first he told me that a few months ago but I was on the rebound and wasnt ready). We talked about how we both have liked eachother for awhile and he wants to "move forward" with me and explore this but that hes not looking for a serious relationship, however he went on to say that "thats not to say Im against relationships, if I find you or someone datable and we really like eachother then I certainly will." I replied with "well you make it sound like I have to impress you, it goes both ways ya know." I got a little snippy with him. He said YES, you're absolutely right I have to impress you too! No doubt about it." We went back to his apartment to eat dinner, we just talked for like 4 hours and then we started making out passionately, but I told him Im not ready to sleep with you yet, im not that kinda girl. He respected that, continued to kiss me and said you coming all the way here just to make out was totally worth it. He gave me the choice to sleep alone or with him and said "Id prefer if you'd sleep in the bed with me, i promise no funny business" And he meant it, he completely respected me did NOT try ANYTHING while in bed. While lying in bed he keeps his distance but he reaches his hand out and we fall asleep holding hands tightly. He then kisses the back of my hand softly and falls asleep. In the morning, he doesnt try anything he just gets up makes me coffee and breakfast and we talk for a little while until both of us had to leave. He kisses me goodbye smiles, and says he's really happy I stayed with him, thank you.

Do u think he was being sincere when he held my hand and kissed it or do you think he really is only interested in sex. I ask because of what he told me earlier in the night, Im just a little confused?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (21 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntRED FLAG #1 "he admits to having his eye on me for a long time"

this sounds like he's planning something... that he knows he wants to have sex...

RED FLAG #2: "move forward" with me and explore this but that hes not looking for a serious relationship"

NOT LOOKING for a serous relationship... means I wanna get laid...you're pretty... sleep with me...

the first night I slept with my now boyfriend (then FWB) we slept in the bed he wore nothing NOTHING but a tee-shirt and I wore bra and panties... we didn't do so much as kiss... he had every intention of having sex with me no more no less... just not that night.. he was biding his time.

Keep saying NO to sex... at least 6 weeks worth of dates (that means at least 6 weeks time or 6 dates whichever is longer) with NO sex... (including hand jobs or oral) and see what happens...

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A female reader, mammaboo United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2011):

mammaboo agony auntThis guy sounds like he knows how to catch his prey. You can ask him how long he is prepared to wait for you,because quite frankly he could have proved his point by just letting you go home. Overly charming and probably thinks he is totally in control.The only thing he is controlling is you not himself. Get back in control and say no to him a few times if he loses interest you have lost nothing.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (21 November 2011):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI think this guy is SMMoooooth as velvet.... AND he's got you 'way more than 1/2-way to putting out.....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 November 2011):

Honeypie agony auntWell, one way to find out is to hang out with him and NOT have sex. If he keeps wanting to see you and doesn't pester you for sex ,maybe he is more serious.

If YOU jump right into bed with him, he might feel he doesn't have to put in more effort in starting a realtionship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011):

It's hard to judge a person as sometimes they are so experienced in getting their own way and they know the tricks to a girls heart! I would proceed with caution, enjoy your time but try a few dates that do not involve your house or his as then you get to spend quality time together without the worry of sex coming up! If he wants to date you then he shouldnt have any problem going out with you, if he doesn't want to date outside of his apartment I would question his motives.

Hopefully he is being for real, but as long as you go at a pace you are comfortable with then you minimise the risk of you getting hurt. From what you have written he sounds like a perfectly nice person, but that could be a Rose tinted view if you already like him so I would remain level headed but enjoy yourself. I hope things go well for you x

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A female reader, sweetcheeks95 United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2011):

sweetcheeks95 agony aunti think he isnt the guy that is just interested in sex because he didnt try anything...maybe you should hold back for a while before u have sex just to make sure he likes you and not just the fact he can get laid :) hope i helped x

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