A
female
age
30-35,
*rincess166
writes:okay ive been having some weird feelings about the guy ive been with for about a year now. i know for a fact we are exclusive and make plans for the future (holidays, having kids one day). one day we were chatting and he was talking about how i was a good lover in bed. then he said that i would make my next partner happy and i asked what he meant and he said " haha shit nothing" 'nothing lasts forever, even if you think it will and that i you will probably have another 10 - 20 partners in my lifetime' and thenI told him it didnt make sense to me because iam not that kind of person. he replied with "fair enough" and then he said "just sayin, there's almost another 7 billion people out there".this was about 3 weeks ago, tonight he was talking about how he wanted to take me away on holiday for 3 months and he joked about plastic surgery and how you can get your hymen fixed he said "if you get married to a catholic boy"is he insecure about me leaving him? he is 26 and i just turned 20. he broke up with his ex of 6 years whom he cheated on with twice and his parents are divorced. he is afraid of me going out clubbing because i might go home with boys or if i get a job being a makeup artist because i'll run away with a male model.why does he make comments like this? iam confused because i know he really cares and loves me and when he makes statements like this it confuses me.
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broke up, clubbing, divorce, his ex, hymen, insecure, on holiday Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): I don't think it's that he's worried about you cheating or losing you, but he's trying to tell you that what you have together is temporary. Perhaps he wants to make sure you get the message that he's not committing to you.
Honestly, you'd be better off without a guy like this who cheated twice on his ex. He'll never change. If fact, I'd bet that he's not being exclusive to you right now.
If you stay with this guy, you're bound to get hurt.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): He doesn't want to seem vulnerable and he is afraid of getting too close to you because he is insecure of losing you. Especially since he was so long with his ex and it still ended up breaking.
I think you two should sit down and have a talk, maybe he wants more reassurance or just wants to know if you are serious about him. Let him know how you feel about him. Even if you two were to break up tomorrow or two years from now, life is all about following your instinct and living for the moment. Either way, it is good to communicate and be open with each other.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): He is definitely insecure about you leaving him for someone else.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 He's insecure about losing you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): Yeah, he's insecure about you leaving. His ex left him after many years together and his parents are divorced. These incidents have made it difficult for him to trust a partner or believe long-term commitment is really possible to sustain. His outlook has been brought about by bad experiences. And in a way he's right. In life, there are no guarantees. You can't really be 100% certain that you won't split up one day. All you can do for now is reassure him that you care about him and try to get him to stop worrying about things that are out of everyone's control.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): I don't think this guy cares about YOU leaving him...I think he is pushing you away b/c he is too "afraid" to tell you that he wants to end the relationship and date other people. Just look at his past relationships--he cheated on his ex, he broke up with several of his ex's....this guy doesn't appear to be set out for a long term relationship. I think he wants companionship...the type of "ship" where he can have sex, hang out and have fun, but without the committment aspect of it. If that is truly what he wants, then he needs to be honest and not toy around with the emotions of others.
I can not tell you to leave him, but you do need to think long and hard about this one.....even if you decided to end things with him, you are going to be hurt, but time heals MOST wounds. You just don't want to waste the best years of your life dealing with a guy who really isn't interested in being committed.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Those comments he's making are manipulative. Not maliciously manipulative, but he's REALLY insecure. I'm thinking that he's thinking that you're out of his league, and he's thinking that someday, you'll wake up and say to yourself "I can do so much better!".
Tell him to stop making those comments because they don't do anyone any good. You don't have to change your behavior and kill your social life because of him. In fact, stick to your guns and remain yourself. Tell him that just because past women in his life were untrustworthy doesn't mean that you are.
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