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female
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*amwise
writes: Hi, Basically, I'm trying to get things going with this shy guy that's on my course. Flirting and mutual acknowledgment started with our fieldtrip last March. During a group outing we almost got together (dancing got pretty steamy)...only he stopped me and claimed "I can't I have a girlfriend". I shrugged at it and told him it was cool. I wasn't aware of this girlfriend and had no intentions to break them up.A week later - she dumps him (I only found out 6 weeks later...at another group outing when he was trying it on (but drunk) meanwhile sprinkling conversation with 'I've got a girlfriend' (?). In fact, he *only* seems to do anything (e.g direct physical flirting) when he's had a few! :( which makes me confused as to what to think of him and how he sees me...am I just some clubbing-one-night fun to him?? The situation now is, that our friends got involved and finally gave him my number, he immediately got in touch and we 'see' each other regularly mainly on group outings (and alcohol) for 2 months now; each time he gets more frisky on the dancefloor, yet conversation struggles; he even seems to shy away from me...unless we'r dancing. Confusingly enough, he's suggested I stay the night a few times, when I have (we’re onto night 3 now) I’m only sharing his bed: yet NOTHING happens - so quite literately, I am sleeping with the guy :P I can't figure out if he's nervous? gay?! a virgin?? (he’s apparently had 1 sexual partner - with that girlfriend of 5 months)...or it's me?...maybe he thought he'd be 'up for it' - yet when it came to it, he can’t coz that’s not him? or I’m not special enough to him?? but he doesn't even touch me - we cuddle and cozy, but despite my efforts to hot things up (without intimidating) he doesn't take me up, I haven't said anything but feel I'll have to, only I'm really unsure what to say...any help on how I sort this out?Recently, we've backwardly gone on 2/3 'dates' (loosely described, including Valentines), we had fun and got to chat (but conversation died a couple of times).I also tried engaging in reminiscent conversation about the fieldtrip and how he got my number - but he didn’t seem too pleased to oblige, and treated it like it’s nothing special. Since he got my number he texts regularly - but it's often pointless, as in he's texting me seemingly for the sake of it. I appreciate it still, but if he’s losing interest? why keep inviting me back to his? only for him to fall asleep?It now feels like he’s avoiding me, we arrange to meet during the day, but then he texts me saying how he’s going home instead.Do I bother still? I don’t know how to ‘talk’ with him coz he’s always so cool about everything. Thanks.
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (18 February 2006):
 He cannot make up his mind, he wants you when he has drink in him but does not want any other form of relationship or intamacy, this is fine it just means you and him are not right for each other, you want him but he is just wasting your time.
Try and keep him as a friend as he does sound like a nice lad and it is just that he does not want a relationship.
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