A
female
age
36-40,
*illybn11
writes:Alright try to make this short, been with my bf for a year and I have an issue with some flirting I found out he was doing. First off I know he flirts, as long as he doesn't do anything I don't care, he's coming home with me anyways haha. Oh a couple days ago we had this conversation about how girls flirt with him but he said he'll just walk away so anyways I was snooping through his text messages (yeah I know stupid but I never do it and I was bored ha) and saw text messages between him and this girl. He was sending her texts like "your butt looked great in those shorts" and "i wish i had kissed you earlier in the doorway" and "i don't want to lead you on because i'm leaving" (he's moving back to vermont for the summer on sat) and oh also i think before those texts he was texting his roommate "(her name) wants me to come home with her" so all this happened this one night but here's the thing that night he called me to come get him bc he was wasted and couldn't drive. So here's my question do I bring it up and confront him or chalk it up to him being wasted? (oh also today i asked him if he ever text messages things he wouldn't text message sober and he was like uh yeahh)It just hurts me that he's thinking about kissing another girl but i know guys will push flirting to the max to see how far they can go without actually doing anything buuut i just don't know and don't know if i want to bring it up right before he leaves or just drop it because nothing happened and he's with me...
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female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Flirting is one thing, but texts like that suggest a whole lot more, and that is never on - /regardless/ of his sobriety at the time.
I'd advise you to confront him - this is not the sort of issue you 'just drop' because he's 'with you' - him being with you does not mean he can't try and be with someone else as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Flirting fine. Winking at someone, giving someone a special smile. But to me exchanging number and sending naughty texts is a whole other ball game. Do you flirt, does he mind if you look at other guys. I think your putting up with a hell of a lot of disrespect. (I know you shouldn't know cause you shouldn't be looking at his mobile)
If it were me (and you must do what you feel best) I'd tell him exact what you've written here. Your right that it probably means nothing, but you should nip it in the bud before he goes further or it gets to be a habit with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Wasted or not, it's wrong. I think you should bring it up with him and see what he says. If he acts like it's no big deal then you might want him to see it through your eyes. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I don't know all the details, however that doesn't seem right to me. If it were me, I'd definitely confront my boyfriend about it. Saying, oh he's just a guy really makes me wonder what he gets away with. I mean, you can let it go, but if it bothers you, I think you should talk to him about it in a calm manner. I don't think your bf needs to be tempted to hit on other women, even if it's via text messages. That's just my opinion.
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