A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Have been with my guy for almost 3 yrs we broke up for 6 months and have been back together now fir 5 months . The problem I have is he keeps saying he isn't ready for a committed relationship he is trying to get to that point . We don't see other people . He gets upset if I even suggest it . He has said he knows my feelings for him are deeper than his for me . I ll be honest that hurts when I hear that . He always throws in " I'm trying to get back to that place" . I feel very confused . He has been the one to always to go after me. If I tell him maybe we should end things since what I want is a real relationship and he keeps saying he is not ready . He always say no we are not going to break up . I get mixed messages. I don't want to get married nor do I want us to move into together .... Eventually I want these things but not now . He knows this . We are both in our mid 30s. I guess one of my fears is he is keeping me around until someone better comes along . Is there hope here or am I bring played with until someone new sparks his interest . Sigh . The reason we broke up 11 months ago was so he could find himself ( what ever that means). He didn't date during those 6 months . I know this is true . I went on several dates . None went beyond dinner and drinks or coffee . Please help !!
View related questions:
broke up, mixed messages, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Ask yourself what it is you want and what will make you happy...not to do with him...just you. What are you looking for, what are your dreams?
This man will never give you love and security. If he loved you he would tell you and not be playing the 'commitment phobe' card.
I would like to know what statistics Griffo bases his 'femine theory' facts on. I know a lot more men who have 'jumped ship' than women. The statistics of male infidelity are much more damning.
If you decide to 'jump ship', it will be because you have invested in vain, in a man who absolutely will not be honest with you about commitment and taking things to the next level. It's not fair to keep someone hanging on when you don't really love them...and thats what he is doing to you.
Don't torture yourself because he isn't man enough to be straight with you, get out and find a guy who isn't afraid to love you.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 it's a term called "jumping ship" but more to the point you already broke up once before which means yur just in a ticking time bomb untill it happens again. and that's when he'll likley "jump ship" the funny thing is it's way, way more common for a woman to do this than a man. Infact it's borderlining a very feminin thing to do.
I would do yourself a huge favour and keep you dignity. If it feels wrong then it probably is so I would move on and find a man who will gve you commitment and true love. If he hasn't figured it out at his age then that's even more against him so move on and stand up for yourself.
Even if you are single for a while, enjoy it by going on a little holiday somwhere nice. You might meet someone new.
...............................
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (1 June 2010):
 He sounds very confused to me, and typical of the male of the species in some areas. Men love to be the hunters, so when you say I'm off he loves the thrill of the chase to get you back, but when you say I'm here darling, he loses interest. So you need to do a lot less chasing and a lot more backing off. That way you become less needy (in his eyes) and far more interesting, and he may, just may find the whole thing far more of a challenge. Men hate it when a woman lays it on a plate and sits there waiting for him. They love it when you're unavailable, busy, going away by yourself, and yes it all seems bonkers to us, but they just love the thrill of the chase. Try it. Don't answer his calls instantly, make him wonder where you are. Don't be so available to pick up and put down. Get a life of your own and you'll be so busy enjoying that you won't have time to worry about him - trust me I'm doing it myself at the moment, and it works - just get out there and have fun, thats what life is for, not hanging around waiting for some man to throw crumbs from the table for you to pick up like a dog. You go girl.
...............................
|
