A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 22 and have never had a boyfriend, i've never had sex. I have given a blow job before to a guy i thought really liked me, apart from that nobody seems to be interested in me? Is being 22 and a virgin off putting? A turn off?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): Huge plus.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): "put off" NO that is a plus in my book.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2015): Being a virgin in itself is not off-putting. Evaluate your own question. What have you done to anyone to make them turn against you for something they wouldn't know unless you told them? I remember when I was a virgin, I made a big presentation about it. So the older girl I told, asked me why I brought it up? She didn't ask and didn't care. Later she did something about it.
People often assume that they don't meet anyone, because there is something wrong with them. As if there is a sign floating above their heads advertising to people passing by (who don't even know you) not to approach you. What do you do to be visible and accessible to guys who might be interested in dating you? You were brave enough to give a blow job. How did you meet him in the first place?
A simple "no" is the answer to your question.
Under the best and worse circumstances it could be just the opposite. You could be more inviting, or just an opportunity for the wrong guy.
Don't advertise your "innocence" young lady. To some pretty low-down characters, you're just a cherry to be plucked. To others, you're just not ready. Maybe too willing, and they don't want to take advantage of you.
It's due mostly to your low self-esteem. It makes you try too hard to please. That makes guys feel uneasy around you. They're afraid you'll either be too clingy, or they'll have to go through an ordeal with you; while you dance around protecting your virginity. You're making a big deal of it.
Make sure your dad and/or brothers aren't intimidating guys unbeknownst to you; because you're a virgin. They'll over-protect you if you're behaving too childish or naive.
You shouldn't let your virginity be so much of an issue. It's incidental you haven't had intercourse; but you have had oral sex. That being said, lets say you're not totally pure. You're courageous enough to try something. You've got some sexual-experience to give you a little confidence.
You and I, and other people have to remind ourselves that there aren't always people lining up outside our doors looking for a date. You have to be visible and available to meet people. You have to let guys know there's more to you they can appreciate than whats under your skirt. Sometimes you have to make the first move. Don't blush and not flirt back if a cute guy smiles at you. If fear shows in your eyes, they go no further.
You have to be able to carry-on a conversation, show some confidence when you're around guys, and don't come-off desperate like you're damaged in some way. That WILL make guys nervous around you. Virginity is not a disease or a disorder. It's a gift to the first guy who reciprocates your love. Whenever you're ready.
Your age may be less than typical for a virgin, but you apparently haven't yet met anyone you love enough or cares about you enough to "give it up."
You can't be sitting around at home, or staring into the screen of an electronic device all the time. Get out and live and be visible to the public. Hangout with girlfriends and don't be a "shrinking-violet" every-time a guy comes up to you. Talk and smile. Participate in activities that give you access to meeting men. You're old enough to go wherever you like. Get dolled-up and pretty now and then; just to feel good about being a woman. Why do you think things are happening for everyone around you and not you? Your virginity isn't what's off-putting, there's something else.
Everything people do is by instinct, taking chances, and not avoiding risks. We win some and we lose some. See a nice guy you like, approach and flirt. If you sit around waiting to be approached; and you live in a tiny village or remote town, there could be a long waiting-period. You also have to take into account the availability of single-men. If you have a short supply of single available men in your town; that may be part of your problem. You only see a few guys you know, and they know you too well. Broaden your horizons and participate in more activities that lead to
travel, mingling with people your age, let your small-town image grow a little.
Get a job in a busier town where you'll meet people. If you went to university and never once dated; you isolated yourself, and didn't make yourself accessible. You have to figure out your own way, we don't know anything about you.
Maybe you don't need to let on that you're a virgin if you think guys get put-off by it. Your attitude about it may be getting in your way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 January 2015):
 Not at all.
Guys aren't staying away because you are a virgin (Unless you run around with a Virgin tattoo on your forehead or a neon sign over your head. They can't tell if you are a virgin or not.
As for the lack of interest, well DO you go out and socialize? Do you met new people? A guy is not going to drop in your mail box at XX date and be your BF, you kind of have to get out there and met people.
How are your social skills? Are you working or in school?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 January 2015):
 The short answer is.....................NO, not a "put-off" just refreshing and therefore intimidating somewhat.I'd venture to guess that most men don't even know how to act around a virgin. By the age of 22, it's rare to find someone that's not been taken advantage of or chosen to remain a virgin. Good on you and my best to the young man you finally do have sex with. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (17 January 2015):
 If it is, then they aren't really interested in you - just in sex. Same goes for if they ask if you're a virgin. Keep it to yourself until a few months (or more) into an officially (as in verbally confirmed) exclusive relationship and you feel ready to have sex.
Personally, I'd suggest leaving it until you're getting hot and heavy to ask him to be gentle because you're a virgin. That said, you need contraception and protection, so maybe you could openly talk about it, but only when you feel that it's at a stage in the relationship when yore going to start having sex. Otherwise, it's irrelevant :)
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