A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just broke up with my boyfriend and we only dated for 2 months and he was basically using me for sex, I posted a question about it a couple hours ago and recieved good respones. My question now is- I am 21 and have had sex with 4 people. Is that a high number...? I hate to say it and don't mean to judge anyone else but I feel kind of slutty. Like I should've waited longer to have sex with the last guy, and now I feel like I threw it away and was used. I regret it, and thats the first time I have regretted anything. I waited about 3 weeks before having sex with him, which is the shortest amount of time I've ever waited, although we were living together. I just don't want to feel like I'm "easy". And I always planned on having sex with just one guy but it seems to be piling up. I mean I am certainly not having sex with random guys. I guess this past ex has just made me feel like I was a sex object and kind of made me feel whorish in a way. Any opinions or advice?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): I must disagree with everyone else and tell you this the number of partners does matter perhaps not to those with a lot of partners but if you truly only share your body with those which you attempt to build a solid relationship with. To me the number rpresents how much effort you put into a relationship. Obviously if your ok with casual sex then your morals sit some where different but for me and I am a man I want to commit myself to a specific individual and hold off on sex till I am aware they want the same things I want. The fact you worry about your number is a good thing.You don't want to feel like you or a hoe or a loose woman. You want every partner to be meaning full and that's why you are hear on this site sharing this. As for the rest of the majority which sleep with who ever they want having fun. Do as you please im not some jesus child I just believe doing it this way im able to slice through the what I like to call waste of time girls. Where the only thing im gonna get from the brief encounter is sex. And I would much rather have a meaningful relationship and sex.On a side note this is something my friend told me You will realize what type of person your dealing with. If there number is high. sex is obviously just an activity for them. An most people with a lot of sexual partners have friends with even more so they feel like there number is acceptable.I am a male 25- only 2 partners
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the answers! I do feel much better. And to answer Lazy Guy, the entire relationship moved very fast, aside from the physical aspect. He asked me out after 2 dates, I still hadn't even kissed him yet. 2 weeks later problems happened at home and I had to move out, we were seeing each other every single day in that time so he said to hell with it lets live together. Very impulsive and spontaneous. I lived with him for a couple days, slept in the same bed, still hadn't even made out yet! lol. But after about a week we did have sex, so 3 weeks after the relationship started.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): 4 is healthy. You won't know what you like, and what goes through these guys or who is what until you have sex with them. Especially men, that's when they reveal their true self! SO no, 4 isn't bad for someone your age!!! Not until you go above 10 by 18, r have one-night stands frequently. You're sexual life is healthy and normal. I, myself, have only been with 3 guys. I'm 21 too. But I've only had sex with one, my current bf. Only had oral sex with each other to get ourselves off with my exes though. What's funny is that they were all terrible at it compared to my current boyfriend. :p
...............................
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 I think, it is not quantity that matter, but quality of your mind that attempt to make relationship, and begin to seek what is there for me? In free society, relationship is not imposed on individual by parents, as it is in Orthodox society. So, in an attempt to find out right person, one is not sure about the person, before relationship.
In free society, life is principle and not relationship. One can break relationship, if it hurt the all life values. Marriage is serious relationship, which do not come from anywhere, but from person's choice.
No sex before marriage, is impossible ideal. However orthodox society practice impossible ideals, and put one's all life in trouble and hurting. We Hindus are very orthodox, and we have lot of unsolved problems. Many females are burn alive in marriage relationship just for money or for out side marriage relationship of husband or wife. Many females are inspire indirectly for suicide...etc etc are problem of Orthodox society. In orthodox society, parents posses all power over their children, and many parents sell their female child to brothel, for money.
In my consideration, free society is more human, more loving, more caring, and positive for life.
...............................
A
male
reader, goodguy11 +, writes (19 February 2010):
No I don't think that's a lot. It really shouldn't matter how many people you done it with as long as you were in love them. Slutty would be doing it with someone you have no feelings for. You just wanted to get in and get out. Which is you're just using someone for sex. So don't feel bad. If you loved them then no one can blame you for what you did. So I hope you feel better because there's nothing to be ashamed about.
...............................
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Four?!?! Are you KIDDING?!?! If you would have said 40 @ 21, then yeah maybe... but FOUR?!?!?
Next Question.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): I've had 12 (guys and girls). And im 22.. I don't think that's too high. Taking into account that i am a very sexual person and before i met my fiance i was THE party girl.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Four guys is only too many if they're all at the same time, in the same room, and you're the only girl.. You're at the age to decide how many you want, and four isn't many. Some people have had that many by the time they graduate junior high school. Unless you're looking for Mr. Right, they're all going to seem like Mr. Wrongs when it's just dating. Who cares, baby, just use it before you get too old and have one person and that's the only person you'll ever have sex with again. Then you'll look back and be happy you used it before you losed it. Be horny and have fun while you're still young. Making love is just sex, and you have to use each other to have sex. If you look at it that way, you used him too, but that's not a bad thing at all. That's just sex, and sex is a normal part of life, whether you're doing the same person your whole life, or more than one person, or just masterbating..or masterbating with someone else...it's all the same, just enjoy it and have fun. It sounds like you're on the right track as far as being selective about boyfriends anyways, so you'll do just fine.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): 4 is not much. 4 is very little. Dont worry, you're practically a prude. Those good-decent girls out there in the world probably have slept with more men but never admit to it.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Whoa, back up a minute. You waited for three weeks to have sex BUT you were LIVING WITH HIM?
How does this work?
Was he a roommate or something?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Haha no 4 is not a high number at all!
I suppose it all depends on where you live and what the standards are over there.
I met my girlfriend when she was 20 and she had slept with 13 guys. She's Swedish and quite sexual and I guess the standards are quite different over there as she considers herself very average, almost a little prudish.
...............................
A
female
reader, ESMERALDA4 +, writes (19 February 2010):
I agree with mercury in that u probably feel the way u do because the guys didnt stick around long enough to make u feel wanted or appreciated.Sex in itself isnt 'bad' and u dont have to feel slutty.Sex being immoral is more of a cultural thing than a bioligical thing.I feel what makes u 'slutty' is when u have sex just to use someone or with alterior motives.But when its mutualy just for fun i dont see anything wrong.I also know the whole u have to make the guy wait thingy but who says u cant make a guy wait after uv had sex once.Its normal to develop feelings for them after uv had sex even if it was just lust the first few times.If that happens u should try to let them prove to you they realy like u too and that they would pursue u .U can always add the element of chase here .If they dont then its just not worth it ,its only going to lead to a dead-end and u being hurt eventually.Also just because u had sex once with a guy dont feel emotionally obliged to do it over and over unless he proves himself to u.Think about it most guys dont give a rats ass before leaving us.
Lol,in the meantime all that experience is going to help when u meet 'the one'.In my experience a great guy will treat u with respect after sex too.The guy im with we'd hit if off the first time ,had the most amazing sex the same day we met.I wasnt looking for love but he messaged back the same night saying how i blew his mind and how he wants me forever,lol.2weeks back he said he wanted to marry me too.. I think the right guy will come along for u too:) ,till then have fun ,dont apoligise for having fun and take life easy .ciao
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Maybe you should wait longer if it makes you feel badly. You don't want to end up having to tell the man you plan to marry you only waited a couple of weeks to have sex with some guy. That being said my now fiancé and I only waited 4 to 5 weeks I think!
I don't think 4 is a high number. I am 23 years old and I slept with 4 women before my now fiancé. She is number 5. And that's it for me! lol.
Out of those previous 4. 3 were relationships and only one was on the second date with a girl. I regret that a lot. But I can't change it happened. But I learned from it. Which is what you should take from this experience. It wasn't your intention to sleep around. You had no way of knowing all this guy wanted was sex. But that's why you should maybe wait to figure out the guys intentions. Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Mercury4691 +, writes (19 February 2010):
Personally, I don't think 4 partners by the age of 21 is a lot. It does however suck when you're with someone (sexually) for a short time and things don't work out and you wind up feeling the way you do. You shouldn't feel self conscious or used. Learn from this experience and do things differently the next time. Don't ever let any guy strip you of your pride and dignity... and trust me, there are very few women out there who find the "right" person on the first shot. Don't give up hope and never regret anything so long as you've learned something from it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Wobbles  +, writes (19 February 2010):
I does not matter how many men you have had sex with. It is as individual as you are. Do not let any self-righteous idiot judge you either. Those people only want to feel better about themselves by putting others down. No one is perfect enough to judge anyone else.
Put it down to a learning experience. You won't make the same mistake again. We all make mistakes and have regrets.
I am 47 years old and I have only had sex with 2 men. Quite frankly I wish I had done it with a few more men because I realise now that my sex life with my ex-husband was well below good. If I had sex with a few more men I would have known that and not married him.
There is no prize for "she who dies having had sex with the least men". You are only young once. You are not a murderer, thief or other criminal. If you worst crime is sleeping with 4 men, you have nothing to worry about and are still a very worthwhile person. You have also learnt alot more about life and sex than if you had not slept with these guys.
Stop beating yourself up and enjoy life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kylie2010 +, writes (19 February 2010):
 4 is def NOT a high number... lol thats actually the lowest ive seen or heard lol
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Some people don't think 12 is a lot at your age. Others don't want a girl who has had a single one. It's up to the individual.
If you just wanted it to be one then you should have waited to get married or at least engaged before starting with anyone. Common sense.
4 is a lot compared to the average 21yo girl.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): According to the Kinsey Institute, the average number of partners in a female's lifetime is 4. However, this number is taken from a survey of middle-aged (40-50) people; taking account for the sexualization of the current culture and increased sexual activity among people in high society, having 4 partners by the age of 21 is not outlandish or even brow-raising.
For example...my previous ex, who was a virgin at the time of our relationship, engaged in countless sexual activities (but not vaginal intercourse) with me. We had anal sex and oral sex, but did not engage in vaginal intercourse due to the fact that she wasn't "ready." Since that time, she has had 3 sexual partners, who she had vaginal sex with. That means her sexual partner number is at 4; we are in your age range.
I would say that you are definitely not a "slut." Also, I think you should worry less about being a slut, and try to focus more on enjoying whatever sex you have with each partner you have.
Enjoy your life...you live it only once and it is important to have fun with it. You know what they say...nobody here gets out alive.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (19 February 2010):
I don't think 4 is too high for your age. Everyone is different in what they perceive to be high or low numbers in sexual partners. When I was 21 I had only slept with 5 people. Compare that to my friends who's numbers were tripple mine. It's up to you how many you choose to sleep with, just remember it's only a number so don't stress too much Hun, as long as you want to have sex and aren't just sleeping around for the hell of it then your definitely not slutty. Relax and stick to
your morals don't let anyone force you to do it.
...............................
|
