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Intimacy with my first cousin..was it wrong?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Forbidden love, Pregnancy, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 October 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 3 November 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

hi

i had a intimate relationship with my first cousin, we were together for four months and then decided to have sex, but i became pregnant and was made to have an abortion because i was only 17 and my family didn't approve, now me and my cousin don't see each other because the family don't approve but i still love him and i feel i always would. beacuse of that i'm findin it hard to let him go, i know i will always have feelings for him beacuse he's my cousin, my first true love, i lost my virginity to him and he got me pregnant. i don't want to forget him but i feel i need to let him go. do you think it would help if i was to confront him about what happened but taking into mind i haven't seem him for nearly 2 years.

do you think our relatioship was wrong?

View related questions: abortion, cousin, lost my virginity

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009):

i dont think it was wrong at all. me myself am in a relationship with my first cousin. we are so in love we dont evencare wat others think. we plan to have a family and get married. u should find him and talk to him a nd let him know what u feel for him. if he feels the same for u then be with him dont let anybody tell u wat to do. u follow ur heart. if u guys both love each fight for it ok hope i helped u take care ok good luck and let ur heart lead u to him

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A female reader, anon642 United Kingdom +, writes (5 October 2008):

anon642 agony auntYes, confront him.

If it goes bad, you say you dont see each other now, so you'll just be able to carry on not seeing each other.

However if he feels the same way, then its up to you two to decide what to do next. You are both adults (19 now yeah?) so therefore your families should respect your wishes.

I really wish you all the best. Good luck.

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A female reader, michelleAKAmandi United States +, writes (3 October 2008):

michelleAKAmandi agony auntI don't think it was wrong at all. I myself don't believe in having relationships with cousins, HOWEVER; I've never been in your situation and who's to say that if I did have a cousin and fell for him, what I would do. I can't even answer that. I'm sure it's not like you chose to fall for him.

To answer your question of if you should contact him, I think you should. Maybe it will clear your mind of things you think of often and since it's been 2 years you are now 19 correct?

If so, you are a young adult and make your own decisions. If you still live with your parents, this will make a difference, but you are allowed to make your own decisions.

I'm sorry you were forced to have an abortion.

Good luck in whatever decision you make

Michelle

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A female reader, Carebear_23k United States +, writes (3 October 2008):

Carebear_23k agony auntI know where your coming from with the cousin situation. My cousin and I met for maybe the first time since we were babies. He had a fatal attraction for me. Only, he knew I was in a very depressed, unstable, and very emotionally sensitive time in my life. He took advantage of me sexually. He has been in love with me for years. I have told him that I will never be with him like that, and that what he did was wrong though. He wanted to get married and have children with me.

He is now with a friend of mine, and I hope that their relationship works out for the best.

I don't hate him. I just dislike what he had done to me! It was very wrong for him to do what he did, but I hope he someday realizes that his attraction was just because he was lonely, and I don't know what I think about his state of min at the time.

I really don't want to judge someone's feelings. I think it would be wrong to say that he was bad for the way he felt about me, and still does. Maye someday he will understand why life is the way it is, and why I didn't want to consider being with him at all!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008):

Your relationship wasn't wrong, and it must have been awful for you to be persuaded or forced into having an abortion.

There would only have been a problem if there was a history of your parents, and their parents and maybe even their parents marrying their first cousins and having children, when the risk of birth defects increases significantly. This would not be unusual in, say, Pakistan or India.

Take a look at http://www.cousincouples.com for lots more info.

Tell him how you feel about him. He may feel the same. What have you got to lose?

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A female reader, Texanna United States +, writes (3 October 2008):

It is only wrong if you believe it is wrong. The ideathat it is wrong to have a relationship with your cousin is an antiquated one. There was a belief that if you were too closely related any children the two of you had could have genetic defects. They now know that is highly unlikely. If you have concerns about that, get genetic testing. In most states even first cousins can marry now. Outside of your family no one really needs to know you are cousins unless you want to tell them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008):

Are you kidding me? Where are you from? Your cousin? I'm sorry but thats nasty, thats family!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008):

yes i kind of do think it wasn't the best thing to do but if you really love your cousin this way then it's what you feels right and what you want! i dont know if it was right or wrong everyone has there reassons for the things they do!

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