A
female
age
41-50,
*al
writes:Hello everybody:My problem is similar to some I read here. One of my best friends feels the urge to touch, come close, seduce my boyfriend. I know she's not attracted to him but she flirts. They have just seen each other only a couple of times but she holds him tight, shows her cleavage, etc. On the other hand his rejecting her is not too clear. I know he likes it when i get jealous. I don't want to talk things with her as this has happened before and even though I know she knows I am hurting, she refuses and makes it look as if i were crazy. I don't want her to feel bad as i am aware she has enough of hurt and insecurities but I am fed up. Regarding him and me, I often think I should not hinder anything, if something is bound to happen, get it over with and move on. I just don't want to make it obvious...prideThanks
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best friend, flirt, jealous, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): Your "best friend" is disrespecting you in a big way. Without trust, this really isn't a friendship. Of course your friend may be lonely, insecure, and has self-esteem issues. But she should definitely NOT be acting out in this manner.
If she is single, offer to introduce her to a single guy you know or single friends that your bf knows. If she continues her behavior, it is time to nicely tell her to back off. Your bf should also NOT respond to her flirtatious behavior either. All the best!
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 She is not your best friend and it's time you stop hanging out with her, inviting her over etc. Distance will help reduce the availability she has to make things happen with your man. And you don't even have to tell her to her face (sometimes it's better when you don't -- Less drama!) Just stop calling her, stop inviting her over, and stop being available when she wants to see you. She'll get the hint. Don't give her the opportunity to come around and mess with your man in front of you, that's just insane. Once you put an end to your friendship, just watch for signs that your man is meeting up with her secretly. If he seems to be content to stay at home with you, then problem solved. You just have to be more selective about your friends. Don't invite trouble into your life.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Well, why should your pride get hurt by coming clean about your feelings? Ask your boyfriend how he feels about your friends clingyness. If he is a decent guy he SHOULD mind it! You say he doesn't reject her clearly enough because he likes to make you jealous? Well that is just not nice of him then, and a harsh accusation too. If you let this keep up without clearing things up you are bound to get even more hurt and possibly grow a resentment towards him.
So in other words, ask him why he doesn't reject your friend more profusely, and tell him that the way she clings to him is making you feel uncomfortable. It is best if he pulls away more distinctively out of respect for you, than you talking about it with your friend.
How long have your and your friend been friends, and how long have you been with your boyfriend? Maybe it could work to hint to your friend about stepping it down a notch.
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