A
female
age
36-40,
*innie73
writes:I need honest advice about a family matter... My parent's separated over 10 years ago and since then my dad has been remarried. However (let's call her Suzie) is extremely insecure and threatened by my mother (even though my mother left HIM and she is happy with a great man). A bit of background.. Last year at my brothers birthday my dad was too frightened to talk to my mother, who was also at the same table, and he apparently got in a lot of trouble afterwards. My birthday came next, i invited my mum and her boyfriend and dad and Suzie. However Suzie didn't want to attend because my mother was going, thus my dad wasn't attending either. I was quite upset by this as i hardly see my dad, so my mother sent Suzie a text sayings she's most welcome and we'd love her to come. She never responded but turned up with him anyway. This year my grandfather (dad's father) passed away and my mother was at the funeral, obviously - she knew my grandfather for over 30 years and was married to my father for 25 years. Apparently Suzie got very upset over the fact she was even there. Now my grandmother (dad's mother) has passed away 2 days ago and the funeral is tomorrow. My dad has had a specific request that my mum not come to the funeral. And if she does, he has made a promise not to speak to her - not even hello. My mother is very hurt by this and my dad will be terrified of upsetting Suzie by even standing close to her - something he doesn't need at his mother's funeral. My mother has every right to be at this funeral, she's lived with my grandmother when she was young. And i should be able to speak to both my parents during this hard time.I don't know what to do. You cannot reason with this woman. She is terrified of confrontation and even when i TRY speaking to her nicely, she runs to my father and i get in trouble. I don't want to cause any further drama as obviously everyone is in mourning, but she's making it all about her at every event. It insults the memory of my grandparents, and our birthdays and makes everything about her and what she wants. The whole family does not understand why she doesn't trust my father a little more and why she is so jealous and insecure. It's getting ridiculous. Advice please....
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male
reader, MikeEa1 +, writes (15 May 2012):
 not everyones perfect. I hate convoluted family situations but they happen. I don't really like being friendly with all the exs but I guess its a necessary evil. if i was your mum I would probably make some allowances. but your stepmums position is extreme. good luck.
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