A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 19 months and we moved in two months into the relationship, mainly because he was paying lots of money for a room and my two-bed apartment won't fit a lodger since he was here every night from day one. I know that's not meant to be the reason to move in but in many ways it has worked out! We feel we are the loves of each other's lives.We are very intimate in terms of cuddling, talking and kissing. I don't want to leave him. I am in my late 30s and don't want to bounce around relationships. We have sorted out the domestic chores that were becoming a pain balance-wise and he does a lot of cooking and washing up, whereas I do most of the cleaning and laundry/DIY. The problem is that we don't have enough sex. We started off having it every night but a few months in it became three times a week, then twice and now (barring my week-long periods) it tends to be once a week. Sometimes every two weeks!We have talked about it as I have a strong sex drive and it bothers me! He gets very stressed from a busy job where he is given way more tasks than he signed up to do, even having to recruit and manage an assistant when he is paid little and many of these tasks aren't in his job description (an officer not a manager).What should I do? He is worried himself as he fears he will lose me, feels stressed and tired mostly, but I reassure him and try not to pressurise although the rejection was getting to me. I have to say we spend every day together so maybe it's partly over-familiarity.Thanks for any advice!
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kissing, money, moved in, period, sex drive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAbsolutely true about the stress and I do think he needs to lift weights - very skinny and drinks a lot which can't help!
I wish he would watch porn - I never see it on his laptop and have told him we both could. I know he used to, but it doesn't seem to interest him much anymore, which bothers me.
Still, just had it two days in a row so happy!
Thanks again..
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (4 June 2011):
Yes definitely. I know stress can be a big influence in sex drive, so if he is very stressed, maybe that can be lowering his drive [but it is also probably fact he has a lower sex drive]
Other things to watch out for are that he is not masturbating to porn. Obviously if his drive is low then he shouldn't be wasting his opportunities on that. Also, exercise can increase sex drive.. lifting weights especially.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for this. You're right - it's a case of weighing up the pros and cons. I fear that even if I met someone else who IS sexually compatible with me, they might be emotionally unavailable or incompatible in other ways.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (2 June 2011):
You need to accept this part of him for how he is. There is no other option, it seems. You have to think, is having sex more often more important than everything else good in the relationship. Can you be satisfied spending the rest of your life having sex this infrequently?
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