A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm torn as to what to do about a guy contacting me in an inappropriate way on his wedding day! He's an ex bf, I left him, like 10 years ago after a 2 yr relationship as we'd grown apart. We had no contact at all since then, but neither of us had changed our email or mobile numbers. So, I've been in a happy relationship for 3 years now, and have never given this ex a second thought. We have a few mutual friends, and I heard he (the ex) was seeing one of my old friends from school (who I am no longer really in contact with) for 2 years, and that they got married last week.Anyway, on the evening before his wedding, he sent me lots of sexually explicit emails out of the blue, saying what he used to enjoy doing to me, what he wished we had done, what he would do if he saw me again. He asked me to send him nude photos of myself. I did not respond to any of these emails.The next day, he sent me some explicit text messages, including one of his penis, and some pornographic pictures of random women from internet sites saying he wanted to see me in the same poses. Again, I didn't respond.A couple of days later, I heard from a friend that it had been his wedding day on the day he sent me the text messages!!He hasn't been in touch since. Part of me wonders if it was his 'final fling', some kind of fantasy thing, before actually getting married.But I think it is wrong of him to have done that on his wedding day. I was friends with the girl he has married many years ago, and I feel bad for her. He sent me another text today saying "just because I am married doesn't mean we can't have fun...we'll always have that link between us." I haven't replied.So, I'm wondering if I should reply to say he shouldn't be contacting me behind his wife's back, that I'm in a happy relationship, or if I should somehow warn his new wife that she needs to keep a close eye on him? Also, I haven't told my bf as I don't want to upset him, but think perhaps I should? What should I do?Thanks :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I would agree with the other posters, don't reply to the texts and block him from your phone and email. If you are friends with his wife, I would consider forwarding the texts to her. What he's doing will come out to her eventually (chances are he is doing this with others too) so better it comes out sooner than later. Though if you just don't want to be involved you can just stay out of it and keep quiet. Either way don't indulge him at all by responding to the texts. And you should tell your boyfriend - you have nothing to hide, this is your ex's problem. If you don't tell your boyfriend and he later finds out, he might think you were trying to hide it. Don't let your ex cause problems for you!
A
female
reader, svf  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 I would tell you boyfriend at once, and have your boyfriend to reply to the text messages and have your boyfriend threaten him that he will tell his wife if he keeps up this lewd behaviour. That will stop him dead in his tracks. However, I do think the poor wife deserves to know what an A****** she has married.
Maybe your boyfriend and you can tell your mutual friends what he has been up to, that way, you and your partner are covered and the news will surely travel back to the bride, and this may hopefully teach him a lesson to change his ways, as he certainly is not respecting his marriage or his new bride. She deserves a chance to find out and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): don't do anything. Just keep quiet. Please don't tell anything to your boy friend or his wife. He himself will stop it. Ignore everything you receive from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): I'd advise you to ignore him and block him from your email. If he's being like this towards you it is now his wife's problem and it would be best to stay out of it.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Do not bother to respond. Block all his contact info.
I feel sorry for his wife! Be happy YOU are not married to THAT.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): His texts are a cause of concern.Moreso after his wedding- that is no excuse.Plse do not answer him in any way. I would also feel bad for his new bride- he seems like an a**hole anyway.If he tries again then u will have to tell your bf: becareful though, if your bf gets hold oif these msgs before u tell him, he may think u have been up to no good.Perhaps his new wife should be foirewarned: her marriage is going to be hell with a hb like this.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): I agree with sexlessintheuk. I wouldn't advise interfering in his marriage at this stage. Telling tales to his wife will not win you any prizes. Chances are they will try and work things out anyway and at best, you will be regarded as a troublemaker. I would just tell him straight that you will not tolerate his behaviour and hope for his wife's sake that he learns a lesson and starts behaving. He might be having a last minute 'bachelor panic'. People can do really stupid things sometimes! It wouldn't be a good feeling to ruin his marriage when it has only just got started. I think he will manage that by himself if he doesn't grow up soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): If it were me i wouldn't bother sending text messages or emails. You don't need to tell him he shouldn't be doing it. He already knows that!
I'd call him, speak directly to him and tell him to stop immediately. Say you have saved everything and will show it all to his wife, your partner and the police if he ever contacts you again. Once you have said your piece, put the phone down. There is no need to enter into a conversation with him.
He is hiding behind messages and emails because he is a creepy coward. Talking directly to him and cautioning him about consequences will wake him up to the fact that what he is doing is not amusing. And there is a REAL person on the other end of these inappropriate messages. A person who will not tolerate them! Face him down with a 'no nonsense' phone call and he will scuttle back under his rock.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 I agree. He shouldn't be allowed to behave like this without any consiquence. He obviously thinks it's acceptable or that he can get away with it, or that it will have some affect on you which will mean you won't tell anyone. I would consider this sexual harrassment! You have done nothing to instigate this. You havn't contacted him in 10 years! The guy is demented! I would feel obliged to tell his bride. As an old friend of hers, do you want her to continue her marriage to this guy without knowing his true colours? If she knows how he has behaved, at least she can make a better judgement on this guy. If I were her I'd be gutted if you didn't tell me, as I would not want to be married to a guy who behaves like that.
I don't know enough about sexual harassment laws, but from what you have said, it looks like you have a case. The benefits of maiking it a legal matter would be that the bride would know catagorically that you are not making it up. Also, his behaviour it totally innappropriate and shouldn't be allowed to continue. He's treating you with the uttmost disrespect, and not just you, but women in general. He obviously thinks women are a commodity and isn't comfortable settling down and relinquiching in his mind access to other women. You need to stand up to him, as a women and teach him that the way he thinks about women and therefore treats women is simply not right. He needs a wake up call!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): what a pig! you need to contact his wife and tell her about this
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