A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How common is it for a woman to be in her 20s, and never had an orgasm? Growing up, I had an unusual childhood, not much free time, got picked on in school for the way I looked, and never felt comfortable about my body. I also had a mother who talked to me way too much about her and my father's problems. So for those reasons, I never explored my own body (meaning I never masturbated) as a teen, and don't feel comfortable with doing it now. I've tried, but I felt like someone was watching me (namely my mother), so I had to stop. I then started to feel ashamed, and thought to myself I don't deserve to feel pleasure. I'm also married, been married for over 3 years, and never been able to have sex with my husband. It's too painful. He can just barely get the tip of his penis in, and it hurts so bad I beg him to stop. He also can't please me by touching me or giving me oral. I just don't feel anything. I've seen a gynecologist about this about 2 years ago. She examined me to make sure there was nothing physically wrong with me. She said there wasn't, and she suspected the problem was psychological, which I believe. She recommended I see a sex therapist, but the thing is I have no insurance and am pretty much broke. I also don't feel comfortable talking to a stranger about such a personal issue. I know that's what they're paid to do, but that's not the point. I've noticed over the years I've been feeling worse and worse. I think about sex all the time, so much it interferes with my work, and makes me nervous around other people. I also get weird obsessions with guys. The most recent one was my boss at my last job. I became so attracted to him, and thought about him all the time. I worried he would figure it out, and I think he did because he started to treat me differently than my coworkers. I couldn't perform my job duties well, because I was so distracted by him. I wound up quitting, hoping the old "out of sight, out of mind" rule would apply. It didn't. 6 months later, I still think about him all the time. I also don't think he was attracted to me, which makes me feel even worse. I want his approval, even though I know I shouldn't care. This has happened to me so many times over the years with different guys. I think the reason this happens is because I've never gotten any sexual relief. Do you think that's why I get these obsessions? Is that why I feel so nervous all the time? Am I going crazy, or am I already there?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (11 May 2013):
 I think it's definitely psychological and you've completely ruled out physical. The want and need is there. Do you have trouble with self lubrication? I know that's a personal question.
My mom raised us girls to be open to talk to her about anything, so I apologize if I'm coming off rude or too blunt. I know here in Wyoming we have clinics that have sliding fee scales, which means their fee is based on how much income you are making. Is there anything like that in the state/town that you live in? Something to look into. I understand that you don't want to speak with a sex therapist, but it might be the only way. They won't judge you, but be a big help to you hopefully.
I think you should use oldbag's suggestion and try the massage, explore and just get to know each other's bodies as husband and wife, with no expectations of anything farther than what you want to go.
This site might be able to help you and allow you to explore some questions and helpful ways to approach the problem. Best of luck to you!!!
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/tc/sexual-problems-in-women-topic-overview
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Hi
Yea I think it's psychological too,you've ruled out physical. You have the urges,the crushes and a very patient husband.
Have you tried the slow approach, massage, warm bath candles etc. No sex - just your husband relaxing you and exploring your body, stress free, no expectations? Have you tried toys?
There isn't anything wrong with sex, it's as natural as eating and sleeping, your married and missing the closeness sex brings.
I don't know your country but is there nowhere you can go for therapy for free - a clinic or group?
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