A
male
age
41-50,
*ostonm2000
writes:In love with best friend. What should I do?About a year ago, I met a girl online and we decided to meet up for coffee "as friends." I was instantly attracted to her, but we both were coming out of some very serious relationships at the time and it was strictly friendship. Anyway, fairly early on as our friendship was blossoming I told her I had feelings and she said she wasn't in a place to pursue any type of relationship at the time. Eventualy, we evolved into a physical relationship but she still wasn't ready or wanting a relationship. This kind of went back and forth a while until last Sept when she was ready to start "dating" me. That only lasted until Dec when she told me that I wasn't "the one" and that she still was having thoughts of regret about her old b/f. Two weeks later, the day after Christmas, we exchanged gifts and were again intimate. That was the last of our physical relationship but we've still been best buddies, talking for hours every day, etc. Anyway, sorry for the long-windedness but the gist of my question is, what should I do? She has clearly said that she isn't wanting a relationship right now and that I shouldn't wait for her but should move on and make myself happy. At the same time, she hasn't dated or been with anyone else in over a year and we are in the emotional equivalent of a relationship. I could understand if she wanted me only as a friend but I just have a gut feeling that there could be more between us. I honestly think that she's the one for me and I think she has strong feelings for me but just doesn't realize them and STILL isn't over her ex. Just for background- her ex was the only man to ever reject her and she had visions of a wedding, future, etc. with this guy.What should I do? I feel she is worth the wait and I want her in my life.......but am I just fooling myself and setting myself up for hurt in the future? I've asked her if she ever thought there would be a time in the future for us and she said she didn't think so but she couldn't rule it out completely. I think she feels guilty about having me wait around but at the same time, she seems to be in limbo as well. Is it even possible for a woman to be in love with someone and not know it? I think if I were to walk out of her life she would be crushed (as would I) but she doesn't really seem to be interested in ANY sort of physical relationship with ANYONE right now. Frustrated and wondering what to do.....
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best friend, christmas, crush, her ex, move on, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, answers4u  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 hi
You have have a big relationship problem in your hand but in my opinion i think that u should give her space because she is really confused and u pressuring her won't help if u really love her let her go and learn for herself because at there and of the day only she can help herself. That guy might have been her 1 and she doesn't know u might also be the 1. I really hope it works out for u.
thnx bye
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