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In love but hugely sexually incompatable - what to do!?

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 January 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 13 January 2009)
A male Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am a 25 year old gay man in a very loving and committed relationship of four years.

Everything is perfect except for the fact that I have the strongest of desires to have sex at least every day while my boyfriend would be happy with once a week or maybe even less.

We have talked about it a number of times and sometimes he allows more, but never more than twice a week. I am starting to find this very oppresive and feel as though I am always trying to suppress my desires. For the first year he was interested as I am but not any more.

What to do!!??

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009):

Hey thanks for the responses. To answer your questions

Yes I do masturabte, at least once a day often more. It takes the edge off my desire but doesn't take it away and I still want sex. My partner doesn't ever masturbate.

No unusual activity, am certain he isn't cheating.

I have raised the issue and he's never revealed anything except excuses and more recently the fact that he isn't a very sexual person.

A toy or masturbation just don't do it. I want him, not my hand. I used to get by fine with masturbation but it just doesn't cut it anymore.

I've tried waiting for him to want sex but I got sick of waiting as the weeks rolled by. Even now we only really have it when it suits him. He has no trouble turning me down or whipping up some excuse.

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A male reader, Sisyphus Australia +, writes (12 January 2009):

Sisyphus agony auntI've found myself in a similar predicament some time ago. I was the one with the lower sex drive and if your partner is anything like me it's not because he doesn't find you attractive or is cheating on you. I know you're frustrated and probably feeling slightly rejected but this is not your fault. What I would recommend is taking matters into your own hands (so to speak) and waiting for him to come after you for sex.

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A female reader, huneygyrl United States +, writes (12 January 2009):

huneygyrl agony auntI...Myself have a high sex drive. My ex gets so exhausted every night because I want it before we go to bed. Although he have to be at work by 0630.

Unfortunately, every night had to stop because we now have kids. That's besides the point.

I hate to be the rock thrown thru the windown but I agree with Griffo.

Good luck!!! I hope it works out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009):

Sex is a great thing and not every persons sexual drive is the same, that’s probably why they say opposites attract, sweet heart if your man is satisfied with once a week, but you need more, get yourself a toy LOL, I know that might sound a bit odd, but if your man does not satisfy your needs, you could get frustrated and get that fulfilled somewhere else, I am not saying that you are a cheater, but you are human and yes sometimes you need to fulfill your desires, so if you love this man and would not like to see this relationship go down the drain, buy a toy, it would be the best thing you could do for yourself.

But that’s only my opinion

Good luck


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A male reader, Griffo Australia +, writes (12 January 2009):

Griffo agony auntIt's very common in a relationship for one of the partners to lose the sexual desire. This is caused usually by the person settling quicker than the other (your partner for example). Another aspect is the that you have a far higher sex drive than your partner, one way to overcome this is by masterbation. Do you do this often? Not to mention do you know if your partner does this withought you knowing? Ff so it could be the source of his reduction in sexual drive.

Another dreadded aspect is the fact he may be falling out of love with you, while i undestand this may be hurting to hear, it maybe that he so does not want to hurt you so he does not tell you and all he wants to do is see you happy. the last thing he'd want to do is hurt your feelings.

Is there any unusual social activity? ie: him going away out with other people withought you?

Im not sure how far you've talked to him but id reccomend sitting down over a coffee and really getting to the source, if any, he might have something inside he wants to tell you.

Please reply and good luck! :)

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