A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 57 yrs old and has trouble keeping an erection so penetration is impossible. He becomes so frustrated and upset and feels sorry for me. He satisfies me in so many other ways. I love him so very much and tell him that we can use a vibrator but he does not buy that and is totally unhappy. I do not want him to become so frustrated that he may not want the relationship as he feels it is unfair to me. By the way he has tried all the viagra cialis..etc. They do not work for him...I am sad for him. Hope you can help...Thanks!
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cialis, erection, viagra, vibrator Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 January 2009):
 Cock rings work wonders for keeping an erection. Don't get the metal or the leather ones ( they AREN'T for "beginners" and can be down right scary) get the softer jelly ones. ( check out YOUTUBE) there are some good "how to" instructions on what they do and how to use them.
Double packing condoms ( him wearing 1 on top of another) can also help, it however makes him feel less, thus having an erection longer.
Another thing is getting a few toys in the picture.
And yes, please continue to let him know you are satisfied by him ( specially if you are hehe) It really does sound like performance anxieties.
I wish the two of you good luck!
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 January 2009):
 You do not mention whether the two of you have experimented with oral stimulation. It is an activity that some mature individuals do not consider, but I'm a man in my early 60s with a lifetime of experience both giving and receiving with women. You say that you "do everything possible" but fellatio, even if applied occasionally during a lovemaking session, may help him stay erect enough to penetrate.
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A
male
reader, pyan  +, writes (12 January 2009):
hi
it a come problem and one that i have had for the past 2 years. my wife says it ok and some times i can keep hard. she also says that she is ok with me using the vibrator on her but i know she want the real thing.
we have tried most things and talking dirt etc which does seems to work somtimes or watching a porno together as help. she so wants it to be normal
i have no medical condition or medication so i am lost as to what my issue is. i am looking for help also. if you have any comment let us know as well
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (12 January 2009):
 Thats great idea! exercise will certainly help in some way , id stick to what the doctor says now in fact ask the doctor if he should start swimming too, its better to get this advice from his doctor.
Other than that just keep working on him, i'm pretty sure it has something to do with a sudden change of thought, often a man can suddenly have a different thought and that thought could simply be "Oh, no! what if it doesn't work" this thought causes a worry which triggers the physical reaction. But then the physical reaction causes the thought! its a silly cycle.
It's good that he is eating well, this will also help the libido. You seem to be on the right track just keep trying and hopefully the swimming will help.
Good luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Griffo...thanks....yes I do everything possible....I am an extremely sensual woman...he even says that also. He does not exercise, however he is heavy and on a special diet w/Dr. Currently lost 65 pounds to date. I told him that maybe as he keeps losting weight things will change. He does get rock hard but then the staying power is not there no matter what I do. That is when he gets so frustrated as we can not have penetration. I love him so much and I want him to understand that...again he knows that and is not happy for me...Thanks again. By the way he haees exercise but I told him to join the "Y" for swimming..Don't you think that would be great?
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (12 January 2009):
Have you tried caressing him and talking (dirty) in his ear for a while. The imagination is a great tool for this. Try getting him into a state of thought where he's completely relaxed and you can work on him for a while.
Haver you tried this? I just want to see what else you've tried other than pills.
Also how much exercise is he doing? once per day? week? month?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi anonymos...thanks for your response...Yes my boyfriend takes high blood pressure and diabetes meds. Of course this may definitely be the reason for sure but I try to convince him that I am ok with other love making options that we do and have. He loves me very much as I love him but he is so frustrated becase he feels that it is so unfair to me and I keep saying it is ok as he has all the other great qualities that I have been wanting in a man. By the way I am 67 yrs old and my libido rages. I think that is why he is so frustrated. I guess I will just keep telling him it is ok. We are both widowed and generally very happy and loving people. Thanks again...God Bless you"""
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): I assume he's had the usual medical workups due to a man having such issues, the ones that tell him if he's got a serious problem going on, and the ED is a symptom (and ED can be the sign of a LOT of serious things) or if it's a mental/stress issue. Viagra and the other such drugs won't help with flagging desire; they only improve the needed blood flow when the desire is present. If he's on antidepressants or some heart medications, that can interfere with his libido such that he can't get hard.
*He* needs to relax about this; you've done your best, now it's his turn. I'm 51, I sympathise with his problem; it may well be mine in a few years. But, you can only do so much, then he has to start working on it himself. Worrying about it the way he is will unfortunately make the condition continue - mind over matter in a literal sense. Self-confidence is required for a good erection in an older man, he needs to find a way to get his back, with your loving help and support.
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