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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband is impotent.The doctors don't know anything wrong with his health.He does not know why. He never wants sex,and he gets limp,when finally we have some.I don't know what to do anymore.It goes on like this 5 years ago. I can't do this anymore, I feel so hurt,and humiliated.It is a long marriage with kids. But it looks like sex will kill it. Should I tell,I dont want sex to be an issue anymore, and just give up on it? I m not a sex maniac, but living with a man who does not look at you as a woman, is a misery. Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Yes ,I think hormone level counts.But not if the relationship sucks.... I mean, there is chemistry. We can't forget that!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): Hi - I want to have a relationship with a man however he has issues with Erectile dysfunction. We are researching some things together because he will not commit to me as things are.
For everyone out there - have the doctor check your testosterone levels!!!!! Then take a look at how you can improve your testosterone level if they come back low.
It is a simple blood test if I am not mistaken. then the cialis etc may help. If not, then perhaps you can check on ways to improve the T levels...
I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): I totally agree with DoubleM. It is about dead long term relationship. It is just very difficult to keep the sex alive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): He might be gay. You never know what is the cause,if he does not say it. I think,you need to to know,, that maybe at the end,you will have to move on...Because it is a permanent state.And you might not be able to handle this..Take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): Awwww, first of all, I am sending you hugs. This is not an easy thing to deal with, and you are clearly hurting very much over it.
First of all, you need to depersonalize this. Your husband's problem is NOT about you not being attractive. It's NOT about him failing to see you as a woman. It has nothing to do with his feelings for you. The first and most important thing that you need to realize is that many older guys who are deeply, deeply in love with their partners, struggle with this issue. It can be very easy to take it personally, but refuse that insecure voice in your head! You wouldn't blame yourself if your husband couldn't walk due to breaking his leg, so why are you blaming yourself for his failure to get hard in bed? This is not about you - it's a medical problem, just as much as a broken bone is.
Now try to see this from his side for a second. Think how you would feel if every time you went to have sex you had a visible 'failure'. You'd probably feel frustrated, humiliated, and quite possibly less of a man. After a few consecutive failures, you'd start to dread the very idea of sex. You would probably panic when it came up, and you'd begin to get frightened of the hurt and pain associated with it. Your husband has had 5 years of feeling psychologically terrible whenever sex has been mentioned, so no wonder he goes into a complete panic whenever a sexual situation comes up.
The first thing your husband needs to realize is that he needs to take responsibility for this. There IS help out there. I assume that he has begun to seek advice, since you say that he's been checked out for physical problems and nothing has turned up. That means that his erectile dysfunction is caused by psychological conditions. Again, this is eminently treatable. Not only can doctors prescribe a range of medications to help him achieve an erection (e.g. Viagra), but there are many psychological therapies that are proven to help people who suffer from performance anxiety. (Actually, ED is one of the neuroses that is easiest to treat).
The main thing that you need to do is to reestablish communication between the pair of you. What your husband needs most right now is a warm and loving partner with whom he can talk about what is essentially an intensely embarrassing and humiliating problem. At the same time, you also need a warm and loving partner, who recognizes that his sexual problems are having a terrible impact on your self-confidence, and is committed to taking whatever action is needed to remedy the situation. And that includes an immediate visit to the doctor to get some Viagra, and commencement of psychological therapy.
However, most importantly of all, as a very first step, I recommend that you start taking action immediately to try to establish closeness between you. And I don't mean physical closeness as much as emotional closeness. For instance, have you tried taking it in turns to pleasure each other orally? There's absolutely no reason why you should be missing out on sexual pleasure altogether just because he can't get hard at the moment - he absolutely must recognize that he needs to fulfil you in this area. Conversely, sometimes guys with terrible ED respond very positively to oral stimulation because it's more intense than vaginal sex. The key thing is that you take orgasm and full-blown sex out of the equation for some time and just enjoy the sensations that you can give each other, and the closeness that this brings. Don't rush it, be patient, and try to relax around each other. You need to find your emotional connection again, before you can re-establish the sexual bond, and that means trying to understand and empathize with each other, rather than blaming and getting angry.
I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Erectile dysfunction can take a toll on a relationship. It is important to show support and offer encouragement to your loved one with ED.
You can encourage your loved one to seek medical treatment for his condition, you can help your partner deal with erectile dysfunction by offering emotional support.
Some tips on how to help your partner.
Discuss your feelings and let your partner know that you care.
Stay positive. Don't talk about blame; instead, talk about what you and your partner want and need, and how to achieve it.
Try alternative techniques to obtain sexual satisfaction by finding other ways to obtain and receive pleasure without pressuring your partner to perform.
reference;-
http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/ed-supporting-your-partner
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Maybe he's obsessing in his head so much he's doing it to himself. Worry, fear, panic, obsession can kill little willy. Either that or he's not attracted to you any longer. Could he maybe be depressed? Or is he taking medications that affect his equipment? These are all possbilities. That or he's having an affair.
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A
male
reader, pyan +, writes (15 March 2010):
hi
what you are going through is very hard and i think there are a lot more people in the same situation than you think. i am going through the same issue with my wife.
mine started about 5 years ago and as got worse. i have tryed to hide it and lert me tell you it no fun going soft when you wife wants it. my wife would not talk about it and i tried always to fix it. one way was to be visual or try new things. but to do that you both have to be part of it,
so what i am trying to say is have you spoke with him have your tried other things are you willing to try other thing.
what we are doing at present is i hold my wife so she as skin contact whilst either i or she used toys.
pm if you would like more info
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Unfortunately this seems an almost universal issue after some 15-20 years or more of marriage these days. Have you not tried ED-assisting prescriptions like Cialis or Viagra? Works pretty good, but a sexual desire must also be much of the solution.
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