A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I got married four months ago to a man I badly knew intimately. I have come to realise that he is impotent. He's older than me by 14 years, I am in my mid-30s. He's not opened up to me about his condition, but I notice he hardly sustains an erection through love making or prematurely ejaculates. He gives me pleasure through oral sex but I am afraid I can't go through with the marriage like this as it might end up sexless. He's very sensitive on the issue and will not discuss it. I want to leave now before it's too late. I need some advice, please.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 You married a man you "badly knew intimately"? Could you please clarify that, it's a bit confusing. I think if he hasn't come clean about any erectile dysfunction prior to your agreeing to marry him, you deserve to rethink this marriage. Sorry, but part of agreeing to marry another person is being upfront about the aspects of yourself that will impact the marriage.
If he knows he has an issue but won't discuss it with you, you have every right to end the marriage. He basically has lied to you if he didn't disclose this.
It could be medical, it could be psychological, but whatever "it" is, you deserve to know. I'd tell him you love him and want things to work out, but that he needs to be honest and upfront with you, and be willing to discuss this, even if it is difficult for him. That's what happens in a marriage--things happen and you both have to deal with them, but you need to deal with them.
If I were you, I'd set up an appointment with a marriage counselor and tell him when it is. Then you go, even if he doesn't.
I believe that in the Catholic church, for example, this non-disclosure of erectile dysfunction could actually be grounds for annulment. So depending on your religion (if any) you could discuss the validity of the marriage with your wedding celebrant.
But first, talk to your husband. If you can't get him to talk about it, then you are getting your answer, aren't you?
Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): I can't really believe you want to leave a marriage of four months. Try and get him to go to the doctors, so he can get checked out, there could be a number of reasons why he is having trouble. You two need to learn how to communicate, every marriage needs that.
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A
male
reader, True +, writes (14 May 2010):
Go consult a doctor their medicines and products that can help him and remember that your together because love eachother and comfort him about his problem. Stress/tiredness can also cause impotency. As for the premature i think their is a product that can help you but you can also overcome premature ejaculation but you need to be patient because he doesnt feel any better about this than you do.
GL
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