A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm worried that my boyfriend may be gay. We have been together for 2.5 years. The first time he took me to his house, I thought it was odd that he had 2 teddy bears on his bed, and a large image of scooby doo in his living room. In addition, He is a Lakers fanatic, so everything in his bathroom, including the shower curtin, soap dispensor and towels has a lakers logo on it-- his pad looks like a teens bedroom and he is 38 years old. Besides all this, sex was great the first 3 months, he use to go down on me a lot and was always worried about satisfying me. However, the more sex we had the more spontaneous he got, allowing me to play with his anus and putting up to 3 fingers up his butt. At one put he wanted me to lick his ass, I refused, and the thought of his act has always been on the back of my mind, is he gay for letting me put my fingers up there? Also, his always commenting how much he hates gay guys, yet he had allowed me to do those things to him. The real issue how is that we are not having sex much, sex has become me going down on him and that it. He doesn't go down on me or has intercourse with me. If we do have intercourse is because I initiated and it only happened on the weekend because he doesn't like during the weekdays- he claims he is too tired during the week. I have gain 20 pounds since we met, is this the problem or is he gay? As I mentioned, we have been together for 2.5 years and he doesn't want to get married nor wants to have kids, yet he wants us to move in together.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (20 September 2012):
A man is only gay if he is only attracted to other men. So, he is NOT gay.
Some heterosexual men like prostate stimulation and anal play but only in the confines of a relationship with a woman. It has to do with pleasure, but also with intimacy and trust. Most men who enjoy anal play don't let just anyone know they like this sort of thing. He let you know that he enjoys this sort of thing because he TRUSTS you and probably thought you would not have any issues with exploring this sexual kink of his.
I have a feeling he feels hurt that things are now awkward in the bedroom. He may be withholding when it comes to pleasuring you orally because you are disgusted that he seemed to enjoy anal play. This is a childish thing to do...a sort of knee jerk reaction...he stopped pleasuring you in the way you like because you were completely unwilling to do the same for him.
I can wholeheartedly understand your revulsion towards rimming. It is, for lack of a better way to put this, an aquired taste on the palate of sexual encounters. But, you both need to compromise in the bedroom to satisfy one another. In order to do this, you BOTH need to COMPROMISE. If rimming is something you won't do, then explore his kink other ways. Talk about whether he would enjoy pegging, or maybe a plug or other anal stimulation. Maybe buy some lube and toys together.
Above all, you both need to communicate how you feel about your sex life and what you can both do to make things better and pleasurable for both of you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Teddy bears are not an indication of homosexuality. Why would you think so? If anything it shows a childish behaviour, or nostalgic personality.
Mens rectums are more sensitive than womens, they get more pleasure out of anal play than women do. Wanting anal sexual play is NOT the same as wanting a man in bed... Your fingers and you are NOT good substitutes for a man and a penis. Two completely different things.
Is a man gay if he wants to put his penis up YOUR anus? No?
Sexual acts does not make one gay or not, it is WHO you are sexually attracted to that determines what sexual orientation you have. He can like anal play all he wants, but as long as is it YOU/A WOMAN he has it with he is straight.
If your relationship is having problems then you need to talk to him about it, but I am sure that he is not gay.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 September 2012):
 He sounds immature and lazy to me not gay.
Just because a man likes anal play does not make him gay.
We have a rule in our house “Sunday mornings is for blow jobs” and often that’s the only sex in our house for the week… thankfully I like giving blow jobs… but during the week.. I’m bushed. And my partner does not want sex because he’s gained weight and he’s in pain and does not feel good…
The concern for you is if you want to get married and have kids, after 2.5 years if he still does not.. then you must end the relationship because he will not ever want that…
My partner and I started out as fun and games and he said he never wanted to get married and he hates kids… and that was fine with my as my baby is 26 years old… and I did not want to marry him. We get married in two weeks. MEN IN LOVE want to marry.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 September 2012):
 I wouldn't spend much time with the "is he gay" thing.... and, instead, would focus on the appearance of his having become bored with you and the relationship that you (and he) had had....
"Sounds" to me like that "relationship" has run its course, and you and he are destined to simply go your separate ways....
Good luck...
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