A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years following a long friendship and we are very much in love and looking into moving in together after in finish uni (he is currentrly in a graduate position). I haven't had it easy in the last year or so, my family has suffered 2 berevements (1 sudden and one after several months of illness). before christmas my dad was then diagnosed with cancer although he is getting better everyday after an operation we dont know yet if he requires further treatment. i have become very down recently, i cry a lot and my self esteem is rock bottom and if im honest i cant cope very well being away from home at uni. i am due to see a uni counsellor in the next couple of weeks.i have become extremely reliant on my boyfriend to a point where i do not think it is healthy, he is the one i always turn to when im upset but recently i have found given that we are currently LDR as im at uni i can hide a lot of my sadness from him especially when he visits. is not fair on him though, i cant get over that i think he deserves better and that maybe i should ask him if he wants to take a break whilst i sought myself out? i know he loves me, he worries that i am not happy and affirms frequently that i can always talk to him about what is going on in my head but i just think i am being unfair to him and as we are both in our early 20s he should be out having fun and i should be sorting myself out. i never imagined that i would say this as i love him so much i can't bare that i have to lean on him so much we should both be out there having fun.
View related questions:
a break, christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, fzald  +, writes (24 January 2013):
You've had some really tough experiences and I completely understand what you're feeling. It's always hard to lose family members.However, as the others have also said, a good relationship involves commitment and caring. I can say myself that in my relationship, I don't even feel the "obligation" to help or support my GF, I actually want to do it, because I am committed to her. I care enough about her well-being and her happiness and my doing anything to support her is from desire and concern for her. Your boyfriend sounds like he really does care about you too. He has openly invited you to talk to him whenever you need, and to let him be there for you. Don't push him away. You may think he'd be "better off" without you or that he "should" be getting out or whatever, but honestly, that's his decision to make. If he loves you, and it sounds like he does, and he makes the decision to be there for you, you have a wonderful boyfriend and you shouldn't even be thinking about giving him up!Don't hide your feelings from him, don't try to put on a happy face when you see him. A guy, especially one who knows you well, can probably see past this and will end up more annoyed that you're NOT letting him be there for you. There's so much talk of "co-dependency" and how it's a bad thing, but if done right, it's the cornerstone of a great relationship. If everyone was perfectly happy and satisfied alone, why would anyone date? :-)Remember: "In sickness and in health." A good long-term relationship involves being there with each other through BOTH the good and the bad. Good luck and hope things turn out better for you going forward! Keep that BF by your side!F
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I agree with CMMP, the whole point behind a PARTNER is for better for worse....
do not lie to him or hide your sadness.
It sounds to me like you are overwhelmed with school and family issues... your boyfriend is your partner and he feels a responsibility (rightfully so) to help you through this.
When my husband and I were DATING LDR I had to have some major surgery. I had a very hard 6 week recovery. I could not be left alone. I could not even walk without assistance much less take care of my bodily needs... I could not breathe deeply without pain. I was on very heavy pain meds and pretty much confined to bed for nearly 6 weeks... He took time off of work and cared for me. He learned to make the food I like, he helped me shower and take care of other bodily needs that I could not manage alone. He changed my dressings and emptied my drains.
That's called LOVE and COMMITMENT. You take the good with the bad.
I think your depression is over shadowing the rest of your life. IN addition to counseling which is a great idea. See your GP and ask about some anti-depressants. Once a person is depressed, it's hard to get out of it... the anti-depressants can be short term use (a few months) till your body is creating it's own seratonin again.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 January 2013):
Look at this as a test of his love. The WHOLE purpose of having a spouse is really to have a partner; someone to help you with day to day things, raising kids, taking care of you when you're sick, etc, but also they are supposed to be there for big things.
If you can't count on your boyfriend when you need him the most then what good is he as a partner?
That being said you might consider going to see a counselor for help getting better so the two of you can enjoy your life more.
Good luck!
...............................
|
