A
female
age
30-35,
*illonbitsu
writes:I'm truly in love with my boyfriend, but he wants to join the RAF.This means we won't be able to live together, or spend time together for long periods and I hate feeling worried and upset about it, when it's his dream. I know it worries him too.We'd both be faithful and try and make it work, but I just feel like it's going to hurt so much and we'll have to sacrifice a lot, it doesn't feel fair that I can be so in love with someone but it's so difficult to picture a future together.I guess one of the things that bothers me is I can't relate to his way of thinking, to me my job is my job, I enjoy it and I'm good at it, but my personal life comes first, and I'd put him first. At the same time I don't want to deter him from his dream. He also doesn't feel it's fair for me to 'wait' for him whilst he pursues it.I feel so sad about it all, despite him making me happier than anything and our relationship is flawless apart from this big weight on my shoulders. any suggestions from people who have been in a similar situation, please help.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 September 2014):
 I agree with you not wanting to hold him back from his dreams. He would resent you for it down the line. As for you not being able to understand how he can have a dream that doesn't include you or put you first? Well, some dream are purely personal. If you wanted to become an actress, that was YOUR dream, then you should pursue it too, even though it would without a doubt take a toll on the relationship.
You put your personal life first, he PUTS his dreams first.
If he doesn't see you two staying together while he pursue it then why not end it on a positive note?
Being a military GF/Wife is NOT an easy life. There is a LOT of stress, there is a lot of having to be utterly self sufficient and independent. It takes a LOT out of you. It can be very lonely. BUT it's NOTHING compared to what the soldier has to put in and give up. SERVING in the military is NOT "just" a job. It's a way of life. Specially if he is a lifer. MANY MANY couple work through it, some can make it work, others can't.
IF you CAN support his dream, then talk to him and see if you two can make it work, or give it a try. If you feel like you can't really support him, then maybe this is the time to end it.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (16 September 2014):
 look at it this way. he is willing to sacrifice to build a future for you both. he is willing to better him self not only for himself, but for the both of you. any thing worth having is worth the wait, and the sacrifice that goes with it. as you said you both would remain faithful, and try to make it work. that will mean a lot to each other and the relationship. i was in the u.s. airforce back in the 80's and was married. have been married now 31 years. we kept love and commitment to each other at the top. his way of thinking is not just a job but a better future for the both of you. it does not need to be his dream but the dream for both of you. look at the future, and the love you both have for one another, commitment for one another, faithfulness to one another.
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