A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend dumped me and treated me awfully, calling me names and basically blaming me for everything. What did I do? Well nothing, almost. He couldn't deal with my past. Once he asked, I told him what he wanted to know and it was chaotic. So next time he asked I lied. And then came clean. So now he called me awful names, said I was a liar a son of a b***h, a sl*t, a MF, etc...I'm devastated because I love him and my past is my business and it doesn't mean a thing to me anymore and it shouldn't mean a thing to anyone. What can I do? I hate feeling like I'm the worst human being he's met (like he said) and that he regrets having even put his eyes on me. Honestly I don't think I'm that bad. It hurts that practically any other woman would make him happy. That he'll probably get a new girlfriend in the blink of an eye, while I'll still be struggling to get over him. It's unfair, I did nothing wrong yet I get all the suffering and him? He's just fine!P.S: In my past there was no sex, only making out here and there at parties with strangers or having been a bit too pathetic sometimes about chasing a crush, or having flirted with some guys... but I was SINGLE so it was my business, right? He compares me with his exes claiming they weren't so easy or pathetic like me.I'm too devastated and don't know what to do. I love him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, metalsman  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 Hello there,
I wondered if you might like a bit of Male perspective on this?
This is a subject which appears fairly regularly on here and seems to affect a lot of guys (me included). I'm just getting thru' what must have been the most painful 6 months i've ever experienced emotionally/psycologically due to the same issues with my wife of 25 yrs.
The thing he's experiencing is called "Retroactive Jealousy", and relates to a partner (both male & female, but mainly males)who has a fixation of jealousy about their respective partner's past love life/sex life etc.
It can affect men at any stage from fresh relationships to (in my case) long term resurrections of feelings which hadn't been addressed or concluded properly early in a relationship 25 years earlier.
You must understand that this problem is 100% HIS, and nothing you have done. He must take ownership of these feelings and thoughts himself, it's desperately unfair to pass on to you this feeling of guilt and name calling, which I have to add is a typical symptom of this condition.
It's not a mental illness as such but rather an imbalance of thought patterns and can be brought about due to low self esteem, insecurity, depression..and a host of other things too.
If you'd like me to go into further detail about this please e.mail me and i'll be as helpful as i can. You might also find some very helpful previous topics on here, and the respective answers, by an Uncle called "Troubledtoomuch". Look him up on the Top Agony Aunts section in here and read thru' a few of these similar topics.
As a small note of consolation, one thing you might take into your heart and mind is this;- He's having these feelings because he feels strongly about you, if he didn't have them then he wouldn't care. This is evident in so many of these situations, and was very much the same in my case too.
Best of Luck
xx
Simon
A
female
reader, kitty_3  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 If he won't accept your past then maybe he isn't the guy for you... Personally, I think that you can find better.
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