A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi.I have a humungus problem i need help with.I´ve been together with a girl for the last two years.However, we became together when I was in the height of my puberty, so I aimed for the first and the best. (If you dont understand, I mean that I could have picked just about anyone)So I tried real hard and then she kissed me and we became a cupple.However, for the last year and a half, she has started saying bad things about me, my friends and my family, she hates my parents for not letting me sleep over, she hates my friends for keeping me away from her, she hates me for being with them instead of her. And she has also started HITTING me! Seriously! I mean when se does its normaly because Im realy (physicly) close to her, it bothers her. At the beginning of our relationship i bought her some stuff to be nice, you know, pay her lunch and such and she was happy I did. But now she expects me to do it, if i dont, she gets mad. She gets more money than me each month and she never buys me anything. She also commands me what to do and what to say. In short: she is dominant.Now she has her times when she is nice and so but it is more rarely than the "mean" times.Now, I don´t know if im fed up with this yet but it is close! I can feel it!Well, one more thing, once she does something mean, I normaly become depressed and sit somewhere else, but then she gets upset about that too.And once Im at my limit, she becomes nice again and I have to forgive her.But it goes on and on and on like that.Look, its not like I dislike her, its more that (not to be rude)I think I deserve better.ps: all her friends and family stand on my side of this but she doesnt care!Ive talked to her but she wont listen and blames me!What should I do?Im too weak to actualy break up with her.Ds.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 Well since you are too weak to end it, then you will have to suffer through it.
I don’t think you are too weak. I think you have what it takes to end it.. we all do. It is one thing you can do for yourself that will make your life better.. and you do DESERVE BETTER.
You don’t even need reasons to justify why you want out of a relationship. You just need to want out.
Here are some tips for “doing the deed”.
1) Envision how great it will feel to be single. What are the things you can look forward to? Will there be less drama and more freedom; behaving and saying what you want when you want?
2) With the above “end-goal” in mind, the reward at the end of the SHORT difficult task, speak to her in a calm and matter of fact tone. Tell her it is over and you want to be single. You do not enjoy your relationship anymore and will not change your mind. You wish her luck in her future.
3) I recommend breaking up over the telephone. You can hang up anytime and do not need to be hit or witness tears. It is best for BOTH of you. You can close by saying, “I know this is difficult and I am sorry you are hurt. I’ll let you go now so you can work through it.”
3) DO NOT get sucked in by tears, tantrums or a debate. Once you’ve said your piece remember she does not have to understand or give permission. She doesn’t need to like it. This is a decision you have spent a lot of time thinking about and it is what is best for you. Once you have said your piece, end the conversation.
4) DO NOT get sucked into an argument. For the reasons above it is not necessary to go over AGAIN what you were not happy with about the relationship. You’ve tried talking things out and had no success. If she starts one, just hang up.
5) DO NOT offer friendship or say you care about her still or any other nonsense. While that may all be true, it will confuse her and she may think they are clues that you might change your mind. If she asks, you can say, “I’d like to be friends, but I don’t think it’s wise at this time. I need some space for now,” or “Of course we had something special, but I’m not engaging in this unhealthy topic. I don’t want to give you false hope. This is what is best. Good-bye.”
I hope this helps. Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This gal has you like a string on a puppet. Hitting you is abusive. She is in control. Because of what you are letting her get away with, she hasn't much respect for you. Her moodiness and vacillation indicate that she is indecisive.
Step up to the plate and bat her out. If you fear breaking up with her, just stop calling her. She will most definitely ask why, so tell her the truth BY TELEPHONE. Seeing her will just cause a big argument.
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