A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am fifteen years old and blackEver since I was small I have always been into asian culture(Mainly Korean and Japanese)I watched anime all my life(my favorite was Dragon Ball Z) so I think that's how it got started and as I got older I started downloading Japanese music and I even know some phrases In Japanese as well as Korean(I wouldn't say I am a pro at the language though) I have also drawn manga drawings sometimes too.so yeah I've been pretty deep into it. I also am attracted to guys with black hair and pale skin(or dark skin)with cool hair. they don't have to be Asian but I am really attracted to Asian guys .I believe that comes from watching anime so much.I also love the adolescent sub cultures of Japan like Lolita, Harajuku, Ganguro, Manamba, etc and would love to dress that way one day too. I guess the reason why I'm so into it is because it's an important part of my childhood.So much that I feel that it affected my behavior because as a child I always copied the cute expressions that the anime girls would do on my T.V. Subconsciously, I still do it now. Most of my friends thought that it was cute(others, weird) And what's actually made it worse is that I've come across this new thing called "Aegyo" that's widely used in K-pop. It's basically when you act unbearably cute and talk in an innocent, child-like tone while using all sorts of cutsey body language(Like a pout, or a smile with your hands on your cheeks)Like if you wanna ask a guy that's older than you for something you'd be like "Oppaaaa, can you buy me cake?" XD I think it's very fun to do.But my parents lecture me alot about how I'm always trying to be asian and how I should act black and dress black and what not like "A normal black girl wouldn't do this or that" I have tried changing, but nothing works. I feel as though...I am just being me but I feel guilty for not being into my own culture like I am in Asian culture. But even though I am asian-washed, I actually love being black too. And in my classes while learning about black history I always felt really really proud to be an African American(I felt like, wow!)I just hate that I'm always expected to act a certain way because I am black. Like why should I let my skin color or anyone else's rule over the choices that I make in life? It is very exhausting to hear the same thing over and over again from my parents and also confusing, because all my friends are very accepting of me. And most of my Asian friends say that the way I act is cute(I'm really good at Aegyo :P) and they're all like o.o how do you know Korean?! or if I tell my Japanese friend "Aishiteru!"(I love you) she's like aww thanks i love you too!I am thinking of studying the Japanese or Korean language in college too...but I am afraid of what my parents may say to me. What are you all's opinion on this? Is it really wrong for me to be infatuated with another culture?(And sorry this is so long .)
View related questions:
I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): Thank you guys. All this was really helpful :)I especially like Cerebrus's answer and celtic tiger's answerYou're right, I do love acting all cutesy and stuff but that's really not all that I am. I'm not just some little airhead bubble girl going around ppl saying "Opppaaaaaaa, bogoshipo!!" and all that stuff XD I have many other interests too.And the thing with doing the aegyo thing around guys. I actually don't really do it all that much.(Like I don't call my asian guy friends oppa unless they say it's okay. I usually ask them if they're okay with aegyo or if they know what it is since I go to a school where the majority of asian guys that go there are Vietnamese and not Korean. Some of them are aware of it, but don't like it so I don't try to butter them up with the cute voices and faces.(Unless they start annoying me XD then I do it just so they'd stop lol :P) I'm aware that behavior is based on choice but sometimes I feel as if though my cutesy self comes out on its own(maybe it's because I've done it so much that it became a second nature) My voice is naturally a little high and I have really big eyes.people say I look like a rabbit(yes they are that big XD)and when I speak I sound like Japanese schoolgirl and I'm just like ????? Okay? And those are times when I am normal and not being 'aegyoish'I guess it's cuz I'm very cheerful. But there's a difference between being cheerful and being cutesy. Like cheerful is this(me on a normal day) ^-^ oh hey whassup, man? and cutesy is o3o "Oppa, are you mad because of me? :o dun be mad anymore" *cute face* ^.^But yeah only around the guys that know what it is and are okay with it. XD I hate it when my guy friends ask me to try my "aegyo" on some other asian dude they know to see if he likes itI'm just like o//o no! Because they may despise me for it haha, it happens alot which is why I ask first.Thank you guys so much for the feedback!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 April 2012):
 My 12 year old daughter is into the Japanese subculture as well and she is (if we really have to pretend that there are different races in the world) as lily white as can be.
I'm proud of my heritage, my root and my historical geographical background. But I don't really consider my skin color to be defining of who I am.
Be who you are, but remember that learning about your heritage is good. It is always good to know where you came from.
But being fascinated with a different culture then the one you emerged from I think is healthy too. We ALL need to think globally.
I don't think there is a certain way a "black" ,"white" or any other racial connotation have to "act". I actually think it's refreshing when my daughter and her friends ( they are all anime crazy) talk their "gibberish" mix of Japanese, Korean and English. My daughter wants to learn Japanese and she is getting the Rosetta Stone program for her B-day.
Don't let ANYONE define you by the color of your skin. After all pigmentation is only skin deep.
Expand your horizon, but remember, you parents like to see you without the "anime cuteness" at home.
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 I want to come at this from a slightly different angle.....
It is great you have found something that really interests you and makes you excited about life, and you should definitely pursue the language studies in the future. There are many opportunities for jobs etc out in the far east, where being multi-lingual would be a great asset, in fact, buy studying the languages, you could go and live and work out there!
When it comes to the behaviour, you have to remember that you are doing something that is not the norm within the culture you live in. To you, it seems perfectly normal, and you love it (thats great) BUT, you need to remember other people may see this as odd, strange or slightly weird, because they do not know or understand where you are coming from.
You say you are 15, so on the brink of becoming a woman, not a child. You have to understand that people may think this cutsy childlike behaviour is not appropriate for a western girl of your age. Its one thing for a 5 year old to act all cute, people would accept that, but for someone who is on the verge of being an adult.... opinions may go against you.
You may also have to watch how you act around guys as you get a bit older. You think the cute stuff is fun and silly, but guys will not want to date a silly child... and that is how you might come across. So just be careful that your actions are appropriate for the situation you are in. In Japan, this might be the most normal behaviour in the world, in America, its the complete opposite.
I think this is where your parents are coming from. They just dont understand, and for them, it is not normal behaviour. I think when they say "act more black" they mean they want you to behave in a more stereotypical 'American' way. As adults, some of these Japanese cultures do seem rather offputting and sinister.... the manga comics and the dressing up do seem to encourage various levels of sexualisation of children, and to us that seems very very wrong. They may just be concerned for your well being.
If this is truely a passion for you, and not just a passing teenage fad, then show your parents you are interested in more than just the dressing up and cutsey faces. Show them, that you can embrace this culture and languge as a whole, not just for the sillyness.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): Someone told me to answer this because I am still an anime fan interested in Japan etc. in my late twenties, and I acted a lot like you when I was your age. I know there are many teenagers from all over the world including African-Americans who are interested in Asian culture like you. You're very lucky to have friends who share your interests, too! There's absolutely nothing wrong with it!I think the other answers are correct in that your parents only want the best for you and are just surprised by how into your obsession you are, and that they might find your uber-cute behaviour kind of offputting (I have to say that would get old for me really fast hahaha).There are also, sadly, some people who actually do wish they were Asian and badmouth their home countries and original ethnicity, and your parents may be concerned that you are one of these people, even though it's obvious from your question that you aren't!If you are really concerned, sit down with your parents and explain to them that your interests mean a lot to you and you're interested in learning more about the culture, but that doesn't mean you disrespect them or that you wish you weren't black. Having a conversation with them about this, instead of them lecturing you when they think you're not being black enough, might help you get them to understand a little better. Hope this helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): OP just remember your parents are very proud of their race, culture and heritage, and are from a generation of African Americans who had to fight hard (and still to a certain degree do) to protect and promote that. But it's just something parents do anyway. Look OP parents expect a certain standard of behaviour from their kids it's nothing new or weird and they're not doing it out of spite, they just want to raise you well and to be proud of who you are and where you come from. What they don't get is that you can be proud of that while not necessary acting "black".
OP most of us have to act differently around our parents. I curse a lot around my friends for example as I'm sure you may too, but when at home you know not to. You may talk with food in your mouth or put your elbows on the table but at home that may not be allowed. I make dirty jokes all the time but at home I don't because it's not the place to do so.
It's not hard to act in the proper way as your parents have set out at home.
Just respect your parents enough to act a certain way around them, it's nothing about you being you or any of that crap. There are just certain ways to act when around certain people or in certain situations.
OP when I was your age I was part of the sun-culture of grunge, listening to Nirvana and wearing old torn clothes and having long hair. People used to give me crap for that all the time because I didn't act like a man should, have short hair and play sports, chase women and only think with my willy. I preferred to paint my nails black, listen to rock music have deep philosophical conversation rather than talk about girls tits or who scored in the latest sporting event. Part of being in a sub-culture and embracing it is accepting your own difference, accepting that a lot of people won't accept you and living your life the way you enjoy it but respecting the codes and rules of your parents too.
OP even if you acted and dressed "black" your parents would find something else that they think you should do differently, your parents will always be there to try and perfect you, it's just part of being a loving, caring parent to always try and make their kids better, happier and more successful in life.
Just meet them halfway here OP, just be their kid when at home and act "normal" with them. Leave all the cutesy Asian stuff for your friends. OP being fascinated with Asian culture is fine but it's not who you are, neither is being "black", our cultural preferences and how we act are choices not, preordained patterns of behaviour. I no longer have long hair, I still love rock music, but I wear new, clean clothes now and I've learned to enjoy sports. I'm not betraying the teenage version of me by liking things I hated back then, I just enjoy my life in a different way now.
OP your Asian fascination is an important hobby for you, it makes you happy and enriches your life. Just tell your parents this and tell them you're very proud of who you are and where you came from too. Just be "normal" around them and definitely don't do that Aegyo stuff with them OP, for someone not into Japanese culture that kind of stuff can be creepy and weird. Just be their daughter at home and be whatever you want to be when out with your friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 My 14 y.o. niece is into that Japanese subculture and mangas and cosplay and stuff ( luckily not into Aegyo , as far I know )- and she is Swiss :).
Don't worry . Most parents find difficult to relate to their kids' passions and quirks, and viceversa. In fact , half of the world can't understand the pleasures and tastes of the other half, it's all normal.
If it's not illegal, and it does not exceedingly distract you from studies and REAL life , do your Japanese thing and have fun.
Only, ...you may want to tune it down a bit around your parents , please. As an adult, the idea of having at home a teenager going around all the time making cutesy faces and grimaces, and talking in baby voice and saying " Oppaaa"... is frankly stomach turning, LOL, I can 't think of anything much more annoying for a parent :)
Particularly if you happen to be one of those ( beautiful ! ) big and tall Nubian princesses .... like, 6 feet tall, a butt like a battle ship, and doing little cute sweet delicate Japanese moves.... I know it's fantasy, and role play, but, as an ex actress, let me tell you, some times you have to LOOK the part, otherwise the result is catastrophic !
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (14 April 2012):
 I don't think its wrong to be fascinated with another culture! I have been fascinated with Japan since I was a very young little girl. I used to drive my mom crazy because I wanted a Japanese doll when I was a little girl. I am a blonde haired, blue eyed caucasian. At first my parents thought it was kind of cute, but as I got older and I didn't "grow out of that phase"...they were not amused. Something always just drew me to Japan. When I was a teenager, we discovered that my adopted great grandmother came from Japan, and that just escalated my curiosity! My family/friends never have understood my fascination and think I'm weird. I surrounded myself with Japanese friends, Japanese room mates, learned the language, and everything I could. For the last 10 years I have dated only Japanese men (aren't they cute?!) My fiance is ...(you guessed it!...Japanese!) Don't be ashamed of who you are, but don't be afraid to expand either. Variety is the spice of life, and we aren't all the same, thank God!
...............................
|
