A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a love triangle where im the other man. I know none of her friends or family and she has been in a relationship for about few years that has run most its course. Been seeing her 6 months on/off. I know she is not happy as she made choices to begin a pyhsical relationship with me and fancys me like mad but its making her moody as hell cheating pushing me away/makin up and being nasty to her boyfriend. I really want her and have told her but she hasnt split and i was wondering is it because she is trying to see if i hang in there although its hurtin me too because if i do she knows ill be there for her when she finally makes the split or is it simply she doesnt know herself. Im tempted just to withdraw now and she if she comes to me, which is what she would do if she wanted me right? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Give her time to see if she can get her self straightened out and conduct herself in a trustworthy manner. In the meantime you can use the time to do decide if you want to engage in relationships in which you are getting sloppy seconds.
If she can cheat on her boyfriend, she can certainly cheat on you. If you can conclude, during your break from her, that you are worthy of a relationship where your partner commits 100% to you, you will experience a clarity of thought that will rock your world. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (24 July 2007):
Yes, you are absolutely right. While you allow her to have both of you, she will. Usually it's a woman involved with an attached man saying "he told me he doesn't love his wife, he will leave her eventually", and you think to yourself "oh really? - where have I heard that before?". No you shouldn't have got involved while she was still in a relationship. But you messed up - a lot of us do. The way to put this right, and hopefully get the girl as well, is to tell her it's him or it's you. If you don't end up with her, then you still did the right thing. Life is too short to be second fiddle.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Right. And if you stay away from her, for the time being, you will give her a chance to sort her own life out. Which is what should have happened before you two got involved.
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A
female
reader, 88jane +, writes (23 July 2007):
 first things first i have to say this and im sorry but i do not condone your behaviour--it is wrong to date someone who is in a relationship, i know you cant help who you fall for but i always say how would you feel if you were the partner and your girlfriend was cheating?ok lecture over (sorry about that but i feel really strongly about cheating!), you need to leave her..1. because its wrong to be involved with someone in a relationship2. because if she wants to be with you then she will leave her current partner for you!i can imagine that its not fun for you being the other man especially when you have deep feelings for her and its not fair on you to be kept hanging on being unsure of your future. i can imagine that you want her all to yourself so i think your only option is to leave her and see what she chooses. If she chooses you then great (although once a cheater always a cheater--are you going to be able to trust her and think she wont cheat on you??!). However, if she chooses her current partner then it shows that she cant care about you as much as you care about her--in this situation you have to cut all ties with her and get over her!Your in a tricky situation but i think you know what needs to be done! good luck hunni, and once again sorry about my lecture!! lol!take care xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): Its never fun in a love triangle because someone somewhere is always second best. You have given her the opportunity to have her cake and eat it. If she really and truly wanted to be with you then she wouldn't keep you hanging on this way. I was in a relationship once and realised it had run its course when I started having a relationship with someone I was mad about. Within a month I knew I wanted to make a go of it with the new guy. You have been kept waiting in the wings for 6 months. Is there any reason why she can't just leave her boyfriend, is she with him for financial reasons? I would give her an ultimatum it's either you or him, but if she hasn't burned her bridges with him in 6 months then it's unlikely that she will do. I think you should give her the ultimatum and as you suggested you withdraw, give her six weeks and if she still isn't prepared to give a commitment to you then it's well and truly time for you to move on.
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