A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I was wondering if anyone can help me really ?Im 17 years old ( nearly 18 ) and just over 5 months ago i met this bloke from my workplace. I knew straight away he was the one and anyway we hit it off quickly and have been together 5 months ish. He is 34 and has 3 kids, one of them is 3, the second is 8 and the third is 10, he also has a stepdaughter who is 16 nearly 17. He has been married twice ( still technically classed as married to his second wife still ) and anyway i really do love him with all my heart, he has stuck by me through health situations and depression and stress and because my ex boyfriend was a complete dickhead ( putting it bluntly ) i constantly think my boyfriend is cheating on me. My ex used to always treat me terribly, putting me down, telling me what i can and cant do, cheating on me ( well all my ex boyfriends have done that to me ) and also another ex boyfriend of mine used to beat me up and sleep with girls infront of me (yes making me watch him and other girls having sex) and i think this is the reason why i always think that he is going behind my back with some other girl. That isnt just the only reason though. I also think im paranoid because of the big age gap between us and to be honest it was an issue when i first met him i was proper gutted when he told me how old he was and that he had kids but it just felt right with him and it still does, i mean i love him to pieces but i want to ya know, let him go out or go and see his kids without me getting upset and thinking he is with someone else. He has never cheated on any of his ex girlfriends/wifes and i have never cheated on him. Im just so scared of losing him i suppose i have talked to him and he understands my past but he hates that i compare him to my exs as he isnt nothing like him which i agree with. He treats me so well, like a princess actually and i just wish these thoughts would stop. I will be starting counselling in the next month or two as i got depression over a health issue and am also looking at getting some relationship help/advice and also looking at seeing a pychiatric as i constantly accuse my boyfriend, i just cant help myself then i get more and more stressed out. He always says he is never gonna leave me and that im his world and i do believe him and i do trust him i just have little thoughts of him cheating as to be honest i have no self confidence, i hate myself, i hate my body ( as used to be a size 8 and now im a size 12 ) i just think he is gonna find someone skinnier and better looking and deep down i know that dont bother him but im obsessed with figures, litrally obsessed ill walk around tesco or whatever and be like oh shes really pretty bet you wouldnt say no or look shes well skinny, i wanna look like that ! I need help ! Please help me ! I love my boyfriend so so much hes litrally my world and i know if i dont do something about it he will eventually get fed up and our relationship wont get anyway and he will go. I really dont want this to happen. Any advice?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Your's sounds like an unfortunate situation.... and I'd recommend that you seek professional counselling.
The time spent getting mentally beat up by boyfriend 1 has, clearly, taken its toll on you..... AND has made you ripe for the ill-fated arrangement that you now have, or seek, with B/F 2.
I hope you find the assistance that will help you get a handle on you and your life.... and that matters get much better over time...
Good luck....
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