A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: ok so I have this friend. She's 20 and I'm 23... We met first day of college and we've been sort of best friends ever since. But lately our friendship has been a bit rocky ... From the begining it was obvious we were opposites. She's all smiles and easy going. Needless to say, that gets her the attention of most of the guys we met. Shes a natural flirt even if she doesn't meant to be. We couldn't be more different. I have a temper, I wont lie and I'm more of the quiet type, serious and, well, let's say that it's really hard for me to make friends. It's really hard for me to trust anyone and let people in to my life. But inspite of everything we really hit it off, maybe being so different is what held us together. I'd like to think she helped me being more open towards people .But something changed along the way. The thing is: From the begining it was really hard to talk to her about personal stuff... like the real things, family issues, love issues, or even the stupìdest things such as books and movies or whatever. With her everything had to be fun or a joke otherwise she just got bored and wanted to change subjects. At first i figure it was because we weren't that close yet and i let it slip by. But 3 years have passed by now and I've come to realize she's just that way. Over the years we've had some "deep conversations" but it amazes me what she considers to be real problems. And when she tells me about her family or stuff that really should get to her, she just disregards it like it's nothing, moving on to the least impòrtant issues. And she's so self centered. Everything has to be about her. If I or any of our common friends have a problem, and we try to tell her about it, she just comes up with some stupid story about herself in the middle, that it doesn't even has anything to do with what we're telling her. She gets bored so easily when trying to have a real conversation and sometimes it's frustrating because a we're suppossed to be friends, and a lot of our common friends feel the same. But there's just not getting to her because she feels she deserves everything, and that's not the girl I met the first day of college. I think all of the male attention is going to her head, she's always talking about how many guys like her, including guys she knows I like or other friends like, and she's rather senseless about it. One time I told her about this guy i liked, and the second she saw him she's all like : Oh I like him too. And then goes and make out with him in front of me. This has happened more than once. I'm so sick of who she has become. She got me fired too, and then took my job, she becomes friends with all of my friends and then they go out behind my back, lying about it(male friends), she hangs out with my ex boyfriend all the time, even though i told her I have a Problem with that. All of this has been happening this year and I can't deny that I feel bad about it. I trusted her and well all of the time I feel as if I am in a competiton, and I feel ugly and stupid. I know this is my problem, my own insecurities, but i think she brings out the worst in me. Back in high school i was just like that, insecure and selfconscious. Somehow i managed to get over it, and feel safe, and beautiful, no matter what. But I don't know how she manages to make me feel like this again. One time I even said something about looking fat or being ugly and she agreed, and she was mean about it. She takes pleasure in telling me how many of the guys I find attractive are in love with her. I hate feeling like this, because deep down I know I am beautiful, and smart, and she's got nothing on me. But how come that if I know that, she still manages to make me feel like shit? And now I got the chance of transfering to a better college, in a different state, next semester. And this one friend is telling me that I'm just running from my problems. But, truth is, the college I'm transfering to has been my dream since I'm 15. And now I finally have the money and the chance. I just wish I could tell her that is not right what she does. Because when I'm off to college she'll have to find some other friend. Anyway, as a result of her recent behaviour I've started to drift away from her, I don't hang out with her anymore. She's been asking me why, And I just say I've been busy- Do you think I'm overreacting??
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female
reader, Staceily +, writes (10 November 2012):
 Not an overreaction at all. I was going to tell you to do just that until your last line said you already had distanced yourself. She's the self centered type that needs to feel she is most important and the best. She wants you to feel inferior to her, it feeds her ego. People like her will only ever care about themselves and their own problems and they are very frustrating people indeed. All you can do is stop speaking with her often and definitely don't bother telling her any problems. I also wouldn't bother telling her how she is because she won't make any difference, with an ego and shallow personality like that she will think the problems are with you anyway. She's not the type you can ever have a real deep friendship with so trying to communicate and change the friendship won't happen and is pointless to try, she is who she is. You can still hang out with her for short times if you are looking for a small burst of fun but don't rely on her or spend so much time around her when she makes you feel like crap. Friends are supposed to make us happy and be there for you when you need someone, if she can't do that what makes her a friend?
A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (10 November 2012):
I do not think you are overreacting. You may not believe this but I think she is actually jealous of you and the fact you have things real. You can communicate why you do not want to hang with her anymore but my guess is that she wont change who she is. In an internet age, I would suggest meetup.com to look for groups to do things with like minded people. It is ok to be realistic but practice smiling more. It means alot. You sound like a nice young lady and I wish you the best of luck.
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